MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Maria: At the risk of hijacking Slaveman's thread, I think there are two things for you to think about.
1) Growing up overweight conditions us to seek approval of others by downplaying our own needs. We learn that we can't attract the guys we want based on our bodies, so instead we try to be really nice and accommodating. That teaches us that we need to put our desires second, in the hopes that someone will accept us and meet our needs. Sadly, unless you're lucky and meet the right guy, that generally doesn't work and just leaves us frustrated and unable to express our needs clearly. So spend some time thinking about that and teach yourself that it's ok to ask for what you want and need in a vanilla relationship. In a dom/sub relationship, it's ok to flat out demand it. You're the dom; you get to tell the sub what to do, even if that sometimes means he doesn't enjoy what he's doing. Because he enjoys being ordered to do things, even if they're things he might not like doing. Which brings us to my second point.
2) Subs like being told what to do. Many subs find their central pleasure in the act of giving pleasure to others. So the specific act is often less important than the act of obeying. Think of it this way. Let's say you have a friend/parent/sibling that you care about. For his birthday, he really wants to go see a movie that you don't really want to see, but you take him to the movie because you want him to be happy on his birthday. Even if you don't like the movie itself, you like knowing that you made him happy on his birthday. That's sort of like being submissive to him, taking pleasure in the act of giving pleasure. So part of what your sub is looking for is the experience of being with a woman who demands that he does what she wants. That's what he's getting off on. And some subs find the experience of being ordered to do unpleasant things extremely erotic, because it emphasizes their lack of control. I know one reasonably good-looking guy in his mid-40s who really gets off servicing fat ugly old men, precisely because it makes him feel like he has no control at all, and has to pleasure guys that most gay men would never even consider having sex with. It makes him feel humiliated, and he likes that.
So start giving yourself the right to have your own desires and needs. Being dominant is about feeling the sense of power that giving orders grants us. If it helps, think of it this way: former fat chicks aren't supposed to demand things for guys. So when you do it, you're breaking the rules and getting away with it. Who doesn't like that feeling?
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