Switch needing advice

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Cynosure, Jun 1, 2010.

  1. Cynosure

    Cynosure New Member

    My girlfriend and I like to do bondage and bdsm sometimes, but do not do it 24/7. The problem I am asking about is that we are both switch. What methods do people use with determining who should be dom and when?

    We never can decide who should be obeying who and whose turn it is to be tied up. I feel if we had a system that we stuck to we would enjoy the whole experience much more.

    Thanks for the advice.
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  2. Sado_Dom

    Sado_Dom Member

    Switch in periods of time. Over a few days, a week, etc.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Cynosure (nice profile name, btw), I think there are lots of ways you could decide who's in charge. You could decide that certain days belong to one or the other of you, or alternate weeks or months. You could randomly determine it every morning--get up, cut a deck of cards and high card doms for the day. Or you could that certain situations belong to one or the other of you (when you go out to dinner, you're the dom, when you have dinner at home, you're the sub, or whatever).

    Once you've decided who's the dom, the two of you need to step into your appropriate roles for the day, or however long it lasts. Perhaps you need a formal ritual to establish things. So you cut the cards and get the low card, and you immediately kneel and offer your submission to your partner. Maybe you have a piece of jewelry or the like that acts as the symbol and gets passed between you to demonstrate who is in control. For the rest of the day, she is required to act as the dom and you are required to act as the sub. Maybe the dom selects the sub's clothing for the day or something like that. Maybe the sub makes dinner. Whatever the rules are, I think you need to enforce that neither of you can just drop out of character---each of you is obligated to play the assigned role until it's time for you to change. That way each of you will always know who's in charge.
  4. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    we change rolls weekly

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