Sub Control

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by subspace, Jul 15, 2010.

  1. subspace

    subspace Member

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    Do any of the other subbies here get a little twinge of discomfort when reminded that you have the final say and thus the ultimate control?

    I am not talking safety issues here, I know this statement is true in any safe D/s relationship and think safewords are a must. What I am wondering is, when you are reminded by your Dom that you have the ultimate control, what is your viseral reaction? Do you have conflicting emotions like me?

    Doms, have you ever noticed your subbies getting quiet or reacting differently when this subject is mentioned?
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    nope, I just get excited

    unless its a situation where we were fighting for control, in which I'm angry that I lost, but I'm still excited
  3. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    I guess it would kill a scene.... I've never mentioned it. Never had to.

    Seems that this is not something someone would say out of the blue.

    Could you elaborate on the circumstances, or at least the context of the statement?
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2010

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    I think I know what you mean, I suppose the alternative is 'do what you want'. ...... :confused:
  5. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

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    This has been the main problem that we have, because my bride can't turn it on and off. When we started our journey here, her one thing that she wanted to make sure of, was that she didn't loose herself.

    I agreed fully with that, because I love her for the person she is. The problem comes, she submits in the bedroom, fully, excellently in fact and enjoys it. But she will be at work, we will start texting or chatting online and I will become playful. She has a hard time separating bedroom from out of bedroom, so feels she has to obey, but doesn't want to because we are out of the bedroom. Does that make sense?

    What she forgets is, I've always been that way, 20 years of it, but now she is torn between the bedroom and 24/7 in her mind. It is the toughest thing we have been dealing with.
  6. TwistedSister

    TwistedSister New Member

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    Control is such an odd thing. I sort of know what you are saying - I do get uncomfortable sometimes. Fortunately I can just state to Him that I do not want to make the decision, whatever the decision maybe. We had long talks over this because our dynamic is a little different than some others. I do not rely in him for financial support or professional acceptance. I have that on my own. I brought it with me when we entered into the relationship.
    But is is tough. And it is at odds. I struggle with it. But I talk about it. I let him know early on that I wanted to be able to voice my opinions when soemthing didn't feel right. We are good with it.

    And like or not, you still have the the control to say "no" And the other has the right to adhere to that or not. I like to think of it as a symbiotic relationship more than anything. We feed off of each other. We grow together and individually.
    This lifestyle is a great honor and a great responsibility. Just my 2 cents ... I am conflicted - I just state when those conflicts occur.

    Peace to you and be well,
  7. funguy430

    funguy430 New Member

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    Domination should be safe sane and consensual.There should be safe words. A very common safeword would be RED.I personally do not believe in ballgags as it can cause suffocation and people have died because of it. Also if you have a ballgag you will not be able to yell out your safeword when you are in discomfort and that is not exactly safe and consensual.Basic rules of BDSM should be adhered to if one wants to play. A sub is only a sub till he or she wants to be.If someone does not want to get dominated but he or she is forcibly tied up , gagged and dominated against there will, I would term it as abuse.If safe words are used and respected then BDSM is just another fun thing in our lives.I believe to each his own but the great majority of BDSM lovers are here for the fun aspect of it and DO NOT believe in 24/7.

  8. Click here for more.
    I am almost always gagged during play, and for this reason my master and I have never used a safe word, but instead a safe toy, which I drop if I get distressed. In fact, I now have two safe toys; one for if the game itself is getting too much, and the other is to signal non-BDSM related pain, as I suffer from painful joints that can sometimes cause me great discomfort or agony, which has the potential to ruin a scene. If I drop one of my toys, my master will take the gag off and ask what is wrong, and whether or not the game continues depends on whatever is wrong.
  9. Savelle

    Savelle New Member

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    Not to put too fine a point to this but are there ever any problems with Doms having trouble drawing lines for themselves knowing that a sub does have the final say? Or maybe that life puts in two cents more then it should...

    In my relationship the D/s aspect is more casual; our lives don't afford us time for it to be much more than that sadly. That said, I know if I work at 6 and wake up craving sex, it is an unreasonable request to wake up my sub and demand it from her at 5am.

    Recently had scheduled a play date at home, we'd been hinting about some excitement to spice up what had been a stressful and dull two weeks when a family emergency came up that afternoon.

    I know with the holidays coming up that work is going to get hectic, vacations before summer ends meaning longer hours so after 12 hours of working, when my sub refuses to do any of the small rituals in place at home to at least keep up the mind-set and not lose all the progress we've made over the years; do others have similar set backs?

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