hotgirl990
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sebastian your absolutely right , control is the easiest thing to get someone into regarding bdsm
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L8NightQ
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Very nice string, and glad you're getting so much feedback hotgirl.
I don't disagree with the advice you've gotten so far (as I said before), and I really like Ice's suggestion that you find a few videos that have different elements of bondage for you guys to share and talk about (but Story of O might not be the first one I'd use).
I just wanted you to know that in all this discourse, I noticed something that hasn't come out yet...... You boyfriend is not a feeder. Maybe at some point he may be, but based on what you've said so far, he's not. (This is why he doesn't get it with the nipple clamps)
I'll keep it simple. No matter what things you've gotten into with him, to him it's still pretty much about the sex, and when it's over you guys are done.
A feeder can imagine your peril and loss of control, or just what the sex is doing to you, in his mind and it will start to feel like a dream state, almost like a few beers were just injected into him(/her). This makes the sex better, but the sex is just part of it.
It's feeding off the other person's helplessness that a Dom(/me) will savor. That's why most of us last much longer than usual partners. We don't want to bite the candy that feels so good to lick over and over again.
When I first started actually tying people up, I was about the sex. So I'm not saying he won't change. I am suggesting that you incorporate some games into your foreplay activities over time that make him think about stringing you along,(you do him, he does you) maybe to the point that before you even have sex, you've had several orgasms.
I could be wrong in thinking that this is a general concept, but it has applied to me, and to several others I know on both sides of the equation.
So I just thought I'd add my ramblings into the mix.
I think if you get him to that point, you'll be in really good shape.
One other thing....
You will need to know if he likes servitude (you give) or if he likes to dominate (he takes). To much willingness will turn off someone who likes to force you to do things. (just a reaction to something else Ice said).
And please heed Sebastian's words regarding actual bondage. It holds the most risk of long term injury to you and your relationship when practiced in ignorance.
Hope this helps.
I don't disagree with the advice you've gotten so far (as I said before), and I really like Ice's suggestion that you find a few videos that have different elements of bondage for you guys to share and talk about (but Story of O might not be the first one I'd use).
I just wanted you to know that in all this discourse, I noticed something that hasn't come out yet...... You boyfriend is not a feeder. Maybe at some point he may be, but based on what you've said so far, he's not. (This is why he doesn't get it with the nipple clamps)
I'll keep it simple. No matter what things you've gotten into with him, to him it's still pretty much about the sex, and when it's over you guys are done.
A feeder can imagine your peril and loss of control, or just what the sex is doing to you, in his mind and it will start to feel like a dream state, almost like a few beers were just injected into him(/her). This makes the sex better, but the sex is just part of it.
It's feeding off the other person's helplessness that a Dom(/me) will savor. That's why most of us last much longer than usual partners. We don't want to bite the candy that feels so good to lick over and over again.
When I first started actually tying people up, I was about the sex. So I'm not saying he won't change. I am suggesting that you incorporate some games into your foreplay activities over time that make him think about stringing you along,(you do him, he does you) maybe to the point that before you even have sex, you've had several orgasms.
I could be wrong in thinking that this is a general concept, but it has applied to me, and to several others I know on both sides of the equation.
So I just thought I'd add my ramblings into the mix.
I think if you get him to that point, you'll be in really good shape.
One other thing....
You will need to know if he likes servitude (you give) or if he likes to dominate (he takes). To much willingness will turn off someone who likes to force you to do things. (just a reaction to something else Ice said).
And please heed Sebastian's words regarding actual bondage. It holds the most risk of long term injury to you and your relationship when practiced in ignorance.
Hope this helps.
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hotgirl990
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L8NightO hes definatly the one who will want to dominate, in everyday life even he always wants to be in control and the man in the relationship, and yea i noticed he wants to get to sex faster and not mind with all the foreplay before that,although we do have quit a lenghty time of foreplay before sex but once again its very plainnn
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I'll just add that honesty is the best policy. Don't try to manipulate or trick your partner. What works for me is to remind my partner that we are adults and adults get to have consensual sex. The fact that we're adults doesn't exclude us having a little fun. We can play "sex games". What's better then that...right?
As for confidence and technical proficiency: [EXAMPLE] I bought my wife a training DVD on how to use her handcuffs rather then try to school (read criticize) her myself. She studied it and practiced (I assume) and POOF! Confidence 100% and frustration gone...just like that.[/EXAMPLE]
Last thing. BDSM is a label many people are uncomfortable with even if it clearly fits.
As for confidence and technical proficiency: [EXAMPLE] I bought my wife a training DVD on how to use her handcuffs rather then try to school (read criticize) her myself. She studied it and practiced (I assume) and POOF! Confidence 100% and frustration gone...just like that.[/EXAMPLE]
Last thing. BDSM is a label many people are uncomfortable with even if it clearly fits.
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