Released.

sweetsub31 · Aug 29, 2012

I haven't been on in a while. I've been a sad slave, and have needed to stay away and keep my mind focused on other things. My Sir released me last month. It's been awful for me. We are both married to other people, and had always agreed that our "normal" families come first. His wife discovered that she has cancer, and so he needed to focus on her health, and her getting better. I completely understand, but at the same time it's been very hard for me. We had been fostering our relationship for about 4 months. He's the first Master I'd had, and he changed my life drastically in a very short time. He opened my eyes to a whole new world- one that I had fantasized about since I was a teenager. We went from communicating all day (via chat and email) and seeing one another once a month, to almost no communication and not seeing one another at all. I learned to open up to him emotionally and completely trust him. And now it's all gone. I feel like an abandoned pet or something. He left the door open for us to continue after his wife is done with treatments and is healthy again. But I am just lost right now. I am really trying to stay focused on other things, and not think about it. But I miss it so much. I miss feeling his hands putting my ball gag in, fixing my collar so it's nice and tight, placing the clothes pins on my breasts in just the right place, his hands around my throat as he's whispering in my ear that I am his. Ugh...I don't know what the purpose of this even is. I'm just venting, and sad and needed to tell someone. Blarg.

Sweetpea and J · Aug 29, 2012

Hi,
I'm new to this and cannot even begin to understand your feelings but I simply wanted to say how sad I feel for you.
I do hope it gets better for you... It's almost like a withdrawal I guess?
I'm sure the more experienced members on here will be able to offer help and support.
Good luck.

sebastian · Aug 29, 2012

I'm very sorry, Sweet. That is definitely a loss. A master provides a fixed point for a sub, and losing that suddenly is very hard. I know this won't help much, but things will get easier. You will find another master eventually. Consider this a successful first d/s relationship--you learned that this isn't just a fantasy; it's something you very much want and can have. But you're going to feel a little hollow perhaps for a while, or like something important is not there. It's a natural part of losing a master. Just take your time, grieve the loss, and trust that it doesn't mean you will be masterless forever.

RopeRanger · Aug 30, 2012

Sweet, I'm sorry you're going though this. The emotional hole left by is difficult I'm sure you've discovered that you've been left without the emotional support and safety net that you would have in a vanilla relationship. How do describe the hole left to someone who has never experienced the freedom of submission. Blow off steam with us all you need. We're happy to give our support. You will make it though this.

Roland · Aug 30, 2012

Hang in there, sweet. Take some time to sort out your feelings.

Smallest · Aug 30, 2012

I'm sorry for you loss, I'm sure this is very difficult for both of you.

sweetsub31 · Aug 30, 2012

Thank you everyone for the kind, supportive words. It is a huge loss for me. This lifestyle is mostly a secret from my vanilla friends. Now I feel as if I have no outlet for expressing my desires to serve and be used. I'm also very scared to reach out to and search for a new Master. I find myself questioning if I want to open myself up emotionally (which I believe you have to do to be satisfied in such a relationship). I'm afraid I will end up on the losing end again. I'm afraid to try to find someone to trust again. I'm just afraid. I hate this for him and his family. It's really awful. But I'm lost. I literally feel like a lost little puppy with no one to rub my head against, no one to take instruction from...as if my purpose has been taken away from me. Night time is the worst. I don't have anyone to share my sadness with, my wants and needs with. I am so sad.

stanley_jeffries · Aug 30, 2012

Hi Sweet,
Sorry to hear about your situation.

You know, it might be a good thing to take a break from a serious relationship for a while and let your emtions settle down. I'm pretty sure you're in a similar position to anyone who is "on the rebound" (do you use that term in the US?). People in that frame of mind often make the wrong emotional decisions.

So my advice is not to rush into anything.

Cheers,
Stanley

subarama30 · Aug 30, 2012

I agree about not rushing into anything new but I also think this is why it never appealed to me to get involved with someone who had an existing partner. I think it just carries a whole other set of problems in itself and you always run the risk of being the one left behind. I cannot imagine anyone other than my fiancé being my Dom.

sebastian · Aug 30, 2012

Sweet, the loss of a valued relationship is always hard. The loss of a master is probably harder than the loss of a vanilla lover because there's the added dimension of the sub centering herself around her master. But, in the end, it is like the loss of any treasured lover, bf, or spouse. It hurts like hell and the only way out of those feelings is to get to the other side of the experience. Don't let the pain you are feeling now deter you from finding another master when you're emotionally ready for it. If you do that, you will never feel the joy of truly serving someone again. Yes, love hurts, and it involves the risk of being rejected. But you can't get the joy without taking the risks.

Stanley: Yes, we talk about rebounding here in the US.

Released.

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Sweetpea and J

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