Newcomer - Tips for my First Scene?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by enolja, Feb 23, 2013.

  1. enolja

    enolja New Member

    Hi all,

    Some backstory.. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year, we see each other for 5-7 days a month because she lives in Portland, and I am up in Seattle. We have slowly gotten more and more kinky in our sex life, we are both complete noobs in the S&M world but I have done a little bit of research and have introduced ourselves to some spankings, tying her hands to the bed, writing dirty things on her with lipstick, etc. We had a talk recently though and she expressed a need for me to be even more aggressive and turn up the heat in the bedroom. I'm happy to oblige her and so I've come up with my first scene and was hoping to get some tips.

    So here is a typed up copy of the letter I sent her yesterday...

    Official Correspondence from the Estate of Mr. <My full name>

    You have captured the attention of Mr. <Me> and your presence has been requested. Please be aware that this request is not optional, not showing up at the agreed upon time and date would be extremely inadvisable. Mr. <Me> has strict and precise rules for your visit during which you will be subjected to his personal desires and whims. Below you will find his requirements for your outfit and personal grooming. Please understand that <Me> will be using you for his personal enjoyment and you may find yourself overcome with feelings you are unfamiliar with but it is imperative that you follow all requirements and instructions during this encounter, you will be punished for infractions and rewarded for adherence to his standards. Congratulations on being chosen for this unique honor.

    Garment and Appearance Requirements:
    1. A red dress that falls above the knee, it must not cover any part of your arms.
    2. Your hair must be let down and curled.
    3. Your makeup must be done in such a way as to look professional and classy.
    4. You will shave completely your legs, vagina, armpits, and arms.
    5. You may not wear panties of any variety. However you must be wearing stockings in black, or skin toned color.
    6. You will be exceedingly clean and washed.

    Visit Requirements:
    1. You must arrive at the hotel at precisely 8:00 p.m. sharp, lateness is inexcusable.
    2. You must blindfold yourself before knocking on the rooms door and entering.
    3. You will address Mr. <me> as "sir" or "master" during the entirety of the visit.
    4. You will obey all instructions given to you.
    5. If at any time you cannot continue you may say the word "mercy" and you will be given a short reprise.
    6. You are to submit yourself completely to Mr. <Me>'s desires or be punished severely.

    Congratulations once again on this distinctive and unique pleasure. You may submit all questions via email to Mr.<Me> directly however you must address him as mentioned before and ask with the utmost respect. If Mr. <Me> finds your service agreeable and all goes well, you will be presented a ring with an inscription on the inner portion reading "Property of <Me>".

    So... I think that part is all figured out.. now comes the stuff I really have no idea about, the actual domination of my girlfriend. I have a little idea into what I would like to do, but I am DEFINETLY looking for some good tips and ideas to make this a fun time for both of us.

    The things i have at my disposal:
    Lube, cat-of-nine tails, leather wrist cuffs with metal loops for tying, rope, a wide spreader bar, some clothespins or I could buy nipple clamps, massage oil, and a small butt-plug, and a Hitachi.

    I am thinking I want to start with her entering, giving her a check to make sure she followed all my rules, slowly undressing her, making out with her, and then making her give me a blowjob. After that possibly a massage for her on the bed so she can relax a little before I tie her up and use the Hitachi on her.

    After that I really have no idea, what else can I do?

    Thanks all!

    (By the way there could be some pictures and video involved, which I may be able to share but need to discuss with her after the fact).
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  2. Hi enolja,
    I think you are definitely on the right lines with this idea.

    So let me ask a few things.

    • Are you meeting in a hotel, or in one of your homes?
    • Is there a need to "keep the noise down"?
    • Can this be an extended scene? Perhaps spanning an afternoon, evening and maybe the next morning?

    I love the idea of sending her the letter. One of the biggest "let downs" that people who are new to BDSM have is that they don't really know what to do or say. This is why it's challenging for two novices to make a scene work. But by using this letter idea you are not only setting the ground rules, but also telling your sub "what she needs to do".

    So imagine she arrives, dressed as you've ordered. Think about what's going on in her mind. She's thinking "Why has he asked me to dress this way? What's going to do to me?"

    Let's further imagine that the first thing you say to her is "I assume you know why you're here."

    Right now she has no way to answer that question without improvising - and that could be a problem. Her mind, as a sub, wants you to be in charge.

    How about sending her a second letter...a letter that gives her a "back story" for the meeting?

    You need to give her a story in which she has committed some kind of "sin". Maybe she's been unfaithful to her husband.

    You are a "consultant" who has been hired by her husband to get the truth out of her. Was it a guy or a girl she slept with? What disgusting sex acts did they get up to together?

    In the "briefing letter" you should encourage her to fill in the little details using her own sexual fantasies. Maybe she thinks of having sex with another girl...or two men at a time. Maybe she wants to be treated like a whore.

    But you need to make it clear in the letter that she must not confess right away. She has to resist you for as long as possible.

    Here are two links I found when I Googled "Top 10 female sexual fantasies".

    Why not ask her to Goole the same thing and give her a homework assignment that, for at least one minute, she needs to consider herself in each of these fantasy situations? It's just something to get her in the mood to be "creative" about her own roleplay.

    In her back story give her three things that she has to reveal to you in the interrogation. You are going to try to make her answer these questios, but she must resist you. Here are some examples:

    • Have you ever been unfaithful to your husband?
    • What do you fantasize about when other people fuck you?
    • How many times a week do you masturbate?
    • Have you ever been paid for sex?

    You can give her the answers to these questions in the briefing letter - so she doesn't have to use real life sins. It's all just made up.

    Each time she gives you an answer, you have "won", and she has "lost". But more importantly she gets a short break from the interrogation.

    OK, so now your sub has her back story. What do you on the day?

    You role could be to act as the interrogator. Bring a voice recorder, or just a PC with a microphone to record her confession. You mentioned sharing photos or video...this would fit perfectly with the idea of you being an "interrogation consultant" because you are collecting evidence for her husband.

    Make her undress to her stockings for the first interrogation. Begin with very mild punishments.

    Buy a simple mask for her to wear to preserve her anonymity if you are taking pictures - that way she will feel more comfortable letting you do that. Use a mardis gras mask - they can be sexy too.

    Make sure you have a sturdy, upright chair to use for the interrogation. Don't use bondage at's just a "friendly chat". But later, when you need to resort to more "challenging" methods, make it clear that you might need to restrain her.

    Make the first interrogation very light and simple - no sex involved.

    One simple punishment is to make her hold out her hands, palms-up, and put a sturdy rubber band over each hand. Look her in the eye, and pull back one rubber band, then let go. It will snap against her hand, and if you choose the right rubber band it can be quite painful. Take it slowly, repeating the punishment again and again. Then take a break and ask some questions. Then repeat the rubber band punishment.

    Interrogate her until you get the first answer - then as her "break" you take her for a light dinner. But she has to wear the butt plug, and no panties (be careful about lube leakage on her dress!).

    If you have time you could buy a pair of latex panties that have two internal dildos - one for her pussy and one for her ass.

    These make an interesting item to be forced to wear in a restaurant!

    An alternative toy for the restaurant is a remote control egg vibrator.

    I bought this model for my wife and she loves it - we use this a lot just in the bedroom, but it works great in public places too. It does make a noise, but it's very muffled and I'm sure you wouldn't hear it in a restaurant with the background noise. It uses batteries pretty quickly unless you take them out of the egg between sessions.

    You would have control of the vibrations - and it would allow you to continue a gentle "interrogation" during the meal.

    Then you go back to the room, and by now I suspect she's pretty turned on. But you also just had dinner, so that's why you have to make it a light meal, and maybe give her a gentle massage at that point.

    Then, when she thinks you forgot about the questions, you resume the interrogation.

    Now maybe you tie her to the chair and use stronger methods. Clothes pegs on the nipples are good. Use the rubber bands on the soles of her feet.

    For the next break, make her do a sexy dance for you. Get her to confess how she secretly works in a lap dancing bar. Get it on tape...for her husband, of course!

    So you drift between sexual play and interrogation. Just as she thinks you're going to go to the bed and fuck her, order her back into the chair for another round of questions. It's a bit like edge play.

    Does that give you any ideas?

    Last edited: Feb 24, 2013
  3. enolja

    enolja New Member

    Wow those are amazing ideas, I like the idea of having a back story, but to be honest I think this first scene should be primarily sexual in nature without too much of specific character role play. She gets anxious under pressure of having to come up with ideas, etc. However I think I will do some light food as a break with a butt plug or something. The letter I wrote eludes to me bring a very important business man so maybe I can play off that.

    thanks so much for posting, have any specific sexual ideas I could perform? We'll be at a hotel, so noise and time is no problem.
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  4. You can always use the back story and interrogation idea to escalate things next time.

    You mentioned she gets nervous if she has to come up with ideas, so by giving her that "script" it should take the pressure off.

    Sexual ideas...

    • Edge play? Did you experiment with this? Make her ask for permission to come, and then you decide if you'll keep stimulating her or not. It should work well if you use the Hitachi.
    • One of the fantasies online seems to be ladies like to imagine they are erotic dancers. Perhaps make her dance for you, and throw money at her as she does so.
    • Make her "earn the right to give you a blow job". She will be on her knees anyway, so make her play with herself, begging you to let her suck your cock. If she gets off on degredation, why not give her some key phrases? "I need to suck cock, Master." "I want to feel your hot spunk hit the back of my throat." That kind of thing.
    • The massage will be a nice break, where she doesn't have to think what to say. Tell her that "this massage is all about you...just relax and enjoy it". If she's having difficulty getting in the mood because shes trying to figure out what to do or say then this is a good way for her to just let off steam.
    • One idea would be a sort of "degredation with compliments". Have her stand in the middle of the room, naked (maybe just her shoes). You should still be dressed to signal your authority over her. Slowly pace around her, and tell her things like..."Do you realize how beautiful you are?"..."What gives you the right to walk around looking so sexy?"..."Can you imagine how many men's eyes follow you are you walk down the street?"..."What do you think they want to do to you?". You can choose to force her to answer, or alternatively you can make it plain that the questions are rhetorical. Maybe start with her trying to answer, but if you see she's struggling tell her to shut up...that it's your turn to talk. This would segue nicely into the blow job. As she's blowing you, tell her to imagine all the men who've olged her body that day being in the room, watching her blow you. Try to come over her face...make her stand in front of the mirror as you wipe the spunk onto your fingers and then make her lick it off.

    Have a great time!

  5. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    "Edge play?"

    That should maybe be "edging," since edge play tends to mean cutting, burning, scat, etc.
  6. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    No problem, but probably good to know for future reference so you don't end up in an unexpected situation :p

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