Wife needs femdom/humiliation ideas and tips

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Fabian9931, Oct 25, 2012.

  1. Fabian9931

    Fabian9931 New Member

    Hello everyone. I found this site through google and I hope I can get some good info here. My wife and I have started some femdom playing. We need help in a few areas and I thought some ideas would be helpful. She has a hard time finding the right things to say. She isn't used to dirty talk. I usually am the one doing the talking. I expressed to her that instead of me being dominate 100% of the time. I thought she could take over 10% and I'll be 90% Dom. So we need some help when she's playing the Dom role. Just to give you some ideas of what I like is
    Submissive
    Face sitting
    Humiliation
    SPH
    Strapon play
    Cuckolding
    Dirty talk
    Feet
    Heels
    Sissy husband
    Cross dressing - sissified. Not she if would approve.

    These are a few things I have let her know about in the past year or so. The cuckolding is something we talk about but won't happen. Which is fine. Talking is just as hot. So where we need help is we need to teach her how to talk, ideas on how to be femdom and most importantly when she's tired to be creative and use her femdom on me to her benefit to allow her to rest and me get off too. So is there something out there that's a guide to this. Something that has vocabulary for her to learn. To read something like "instead of telling your husband his dick is small, tell him in detail" "instead say its so small that you can only jerk it with 2 fingers". Just a guide that she can learn from. Now, I'm no way any close to being small. She tells me she loves my cock. How can I explain to her that it's the feeling of being humiliated that's hot. I would love to show her something online that has females talking about it so she understands it's more common than it is.

    I thought of maybe some videos for us to watch and talk about. Instead of me watching and masturbating to the videos lol. We can watch it together as a instructional way. But again I don't want the video to be too much for her. A POV video?

    I really hope I get some replies and good feedback to this. Thanks in advanced.
     
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Have you read the Newcomer's FAQ? There's a lot of basic info there, including some suggestions about dominant talk.
     
  3. Hi Fabian,
    Welcome to the board.

    As Sebastian says, the FAQ should have some useful stuff for you.

    I think you are on the right track with the POV videos. If your wife isn't into heavy porn then showing her more extreme FemDom will only turn her off.

    The POV videos from Humilatrix.com probably have the best production values. And IMHO Selena seems to be the most professional "actress" on that site, with good dialog.


    This video seems to hit a few of of your buttons: "Outfit Tester Humiliation: Worship Strokes for Sexy Goddess Selena". There's the verbal humiliation, and cuckolding.

    You can use this video to explain that cuckolding doesn't need to be real (that's a high risk step to take). You can get turned on by the threat of it happening - just like this video does not show any sex at all.


    I often give this same advice - remember that these ladies are professional porno stars, and they do have acting skills. If your wife feels embarrassed about trying to act this stuff out you need to be very reassuring and supportive. You can even try a non-sexual rehearsal with her where you both come out with "dirty talk" examples, but there's no sexual context to it. Do it over dinner at home (assuming you don't have kids around!)...or while you're out for a walk.

    What you need to do is to take away any self-conscious embarrassment she might have.

    I know many of the folks here would agree with me that mixing alcohol (or other drugs) and S&M sessions is a really bad idea. But if you are just talking (ie. there's no S&M or bondage involved), and trying to get more relaxed then a couple of glasses of wine might help her get in the mood.

    You should start this kind of practice session on the agreement that there won't be sexual play involved - but you may find that even though you're laughing and joking about the "dirty talk" you might get very aroused. If that's the case - just let nature take its course.

    Above all else you shouldn't force your wife into doing something she's not comfortable with. That will be counter-productive.

    Cheers,
    Stanley
     
  4. Fabian9931

    Fabian9931 New Member

    Sebastian thanks for the heads up on the newcomers faq. i will be reading that now and i havent before posting which i should've done. thank you.

    Stanley, great points and i appreciate the time you took to reply to my post. i will keep in mind all your ideas and suggestions. Thank you as well.
     
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Another option is a 'talk fantasy'. Cuddle with your wife in bed and just talk to each other about what you might do in a scene. You don't act it out; just describe it. And as you talk, stroke each other. The idea is to explore without having to fully act out the scene. Afterward, talk about what turned you on and what you would have liked more of.
     
  6. My pleasure, Fabian.

    And please let us all know about your progress.

    Remember you've got somebody to talk to here if things are not going so well.

    The Golden Rule: Take it slowly, and try to imagine and understand how your partner is feeling about the things you are asking them to do.

    Cheers,
    Stanley


    PS. If you're looking for "mild" teasing stories for inspiration, and possibly to show your wife I wrote these a few years ago and posted them on OrgasmDenial.com. They're free to view, and they are the mildest ones...

    http://www.orgasmdenial.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6060
    http://www.orgasmdenial.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6683
    http://www.orgasmdenial.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6994
     

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