New to the lifestyle, I have some questions!

Discussion in 'Section open for any subject to discuss' started by abuseme2day, Dec 31, 2011.

  1. abuseme2day

    abuseme2day New Member

    Hey Everyone:D
    I have a couple of questions to ask but first a little bit about me......

    I am 20 and just finally decided that the regular sex and such is not for me. I have always thought about being a submissive even when i was a young adolescence. I took all the steps and have officially found a Master who is close to home for me. We both have been communicating via email and have had many talks on the messenger. I personally wanted to take a while about a month or so to get to know the individual I will be submitting to. Like I said I am new to this and he is excited to take on a first time sub!

    While we are talking I did mention to him my limits as of right now and he respects those. He did mention to me that he would like me to think about anal and what not. I would be curios and as a good sub who wants to please her master I said I would give it a try. WE talked about how we would get started and what not. From your first meeting on do you start working on the subs insecurities or what does a master expect of his sub on their first visit or what do you do with your sub on the first visit. We also talked about the deep throating and swallowing. I personally do not want to swallow but he said that I will have to no matter what. We both do clash at this while talking but I dont know how to convey my thoughts to my master with out pissing him off already before we even meet. I keep telling him I would preferably do anal any day over swallowing his cum. I have woken up gagging at the thought of this..... Can anyone tell me there thoughts from a master or a subs point of view.

    I am wanting to please him but that was one of the 3 things I would not want to do otherwise my limits are endless when it comes to such. Oh yes another question for you When you are gagged for longer then used to what is the best way to keep your jaw from stiffing up? And what not?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 31, 2011
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  2. JettOnly

    JettOnly Member

    Well personally as a noobs point of view

    imo - I am sure others will be along to correct me where I am wrong

    If you swallowing is a hard limit then it is a hard limit and he has to respect that, if he cannot then you are not right for each other

    It is possible over time a hard limit may change as you get to know him more and try things more - but you must not feel pressured into it - if you say no then it is no

    also if something like anal is a 'soft' limit for you then if you decide to play with this guy I would start off with it as a hard limit till you get to know him and trust him in real life

    pushing boundries with a stranger is very different to doing it with someone you know trust and love

    as i found out the hard way you also dont know how you are going to feel afterwords, for you the scene can go on for several days afterwards as your mind comes to terms with what has happened to you

    better and safer for you to start really softly, see how it goes, talk about it, what you liked/didnt like what he liked
    then sort out how you want to go next time

    You are more than right to take things slow before playing - also meet him get to know him as a person and ask yourself 'do I actually want to sleep with this me?'

    Just because you say you are sub and he says he is dom dosent mean you should submit to him

    You have alot to offer, giving up control to someone is a big gift, make sure he is worthy of it

    If not, trust me as a young lady new sub you can have your pick of the offers - dont rush in
  3. abuseme2day

    abuseme2day New Member

    Thank you Jett, I realized I more then likely put this under the wrong section. He absolutely respects that i wanted to take the time to meet him and such. I also with the anal and whatnot have put that through as a hard limit for him to begin with. We both have discussed now on numerous occasions that after we know each other better and get to training that we would start with the basics of all my insecurities and kind of go from there. I know a week ago when he told me I must swallow, my initial reaction was the feeling sick to my stomach, why is it now that I feel like I would love to try it but not right away. I am really wanting it now compared to earlier as described in the OP
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Yeah, I agree with what Jett said. Tell him that swallowing cum is a hard limit for you, and that he will have to accept that limit for the time being. Read through the Newcomer's FAQ--I've got a section in there about hard and soft limits and other things that new subs ought to think about.
  5. Yeah the main thing is don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. The motto of BDSM is safe, sane, and CONSENSUAL; if you don't agree with him then it's not consensual. Don't worry about pissing him off with this; if he can't accept who you are in the beginning then you're going to have bigger problems down the line.

    It sounds like you're still getting to know each other, so if he's showing signs of anger this early on he might not be a very good master. It seems like a lot of what you're talking about is more sex than BDSM. These two things often intertwine but it's surprising that he's talking about anal, deep throating, and swallowing when you haven't even met him yet. Just be cautious that he's not simply some dirty dude who wants to get off by taking advantage of a new submissive woman. Keep talking because communication is the most important way for you to both understand each other and be fulfilled in the end.

    ...and as Jett said, you WILL have other options if you both can't be on the same page about it.

    It's good to hear that you're embracing your submissive side. I wish you the best a2d! Have fun :)
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    When you are first getting to know each other, a dom needs to work at building his sub's trust. It's only when a sub trusts a dom that the dom can successfully push limits. So until he's made a good faith effort to demonstrate that you can trust him, he should be accepting your limits, or at a minimum agreeing to them temporarily.

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