I have been a little sentimental today, and I need someone to listen to me, anyone. I'm so tired of complaining to people I know. they say I do not, but I know I'm pretty negative. Things have happened so quickly and with such variety that I have become completely numb. in 2011 I moved 4 times, but I changed social circle 6 times. and it is only this year. I have moved about 30 times in my life and attended 10 schools. I'm so tired of changing social circle. restart. I am totally mentally numb. I do not want to die, but I want to give up. crawling under the ground and just be there. to do anything is difficult. and of course, the paranoia. just being on the net and talk to people I do not see is hard. even if I leave the people when I move, it feels as if they leave me. and some groups of people have also left me. of the 6 this year, three of them started to ignore me. the first group said they would be like a family to me, that I could trust them. but there were some who fell in love, it looked like there would be drama, but instead of a storm, they killed it at the root. by shutting me out. I have never had such heartbreak. I almost can not rejoice in the wonderful new life I will start now. I have the best boyfriend. he has a family that loves me. We have a beautiful apartment and I will study this fall. but everything looks gray. tasteless. so confusing ... something of my life I've already left, I did not open most of my mail the last six months. for it has come to an address that is 7-8 hours away. every time there is any kind of duty put my fingers in my ears and sing loudly. I can not .... it's too hard ... I do not need so much feedback, just that someone hears me. I'm so tired of feeling alone. feels like the world has tried as best it could to love me, but gave up because there is no hope for someone like me. I know it's a lie my head tells me. I try to be posetiv. really. but what we know and what we believe are two different things. I know the world is not out to get me, but I do not believe it.