restart... again....

Discussion in 'Section open for any subject to discuss' started by Sally, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. Sally

    Sally Member

    I have been a little sentimental today, and I need someone to listen to me, anyone. I'm so tired of complaining to people I know. they say I do not, but I know I'm pretty negative. Things have happened so quickly and with such variety that I have become completely numb. in 2011 I moved 4 times, but I changed social circle 6 times. and it is only this year. I have moved about 30 times in my life and attended 10 schools. I'm so tired of changing social circle. restart. I am totally mentally numb. I do not want to die, but I want to give up. crawling under the ground and just be there.

    to do anything is difficult. and of course, the paranoia. just being on the net and talk to people I do not see is hard. even if I leave the people when I move, it feels as if they leave me. and some groups of people have also left me. of the 6 this year, three of them started to ignore me. the first group said they would be like a family to me, that I could trust them. but there were some who fell in love, it looked like there would be drama, but instead of a storm, they killed it at the root. by shutting me out. I have never had such heartbreak.

    I almost can not rejoice in the wonderful new life I will start now. I have the best boyfriend. he has a family that loves me. We have a beautiful apartment and I will study this fall. but everything looks gray. tasteless. so confusing ... something of my life I've already left, I did not open most of my mail the last six months. for it has come to an address that is 7-8 hours away. every time there is any kind of duty put my fingers in my ears and sing loudly. I can not .... it's too hard ...

    I do not need so much feedback, just that someone hears me. I'm so tired of feeling alone. feels like the world has tried as best it could to love me, but gave up because there is no hope for someone like me. I know it's a lie my head tells me. I try to be posetiv. really. but what we know and what we believe are two different things. I know the world is not out to get me, but I do not believe it.
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  2. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member


    I've been there before. Your feelings and pain are real. I'm happy to listen if you need to unload.
  3. Sally

    Sally Member

    thank you very much. I will. it is much better today, just needed to complain a little. ;)
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Sounds like you might be dealing with clinical depression, Sally. I've been there. It can be rough. My best advice is to figure out a way to get regular exercise, 3-4 times a week, and to spend some time outdoors. Both of those are proven to fight depression.

    Another thing I've learned is that depression is fundamentally a sense that the future cannot be any better than the present. So if you can learn to identify things that might offer more possibility for the future, you can start breaking out of that depressed place.
  5. Sally

    Sally Member

    it is the hardest to do, so you're right, it is the most effective way to get out of it. I will read more about clinical depression and find out what to do and not do. be social, go out and train on my list now.

    I have fought with the "dark" a long time and the most important thing is to not give up. I will fight tooth and nail to get better.

    Thank you for your attention and advice.
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    A really good therapist can also help, but they can be somewhat trickier to locate. But don't give up. I promise you that thing can get better. I'm proof. 5 years ago I came within about half an hour of killing myself. Today, I'm pretty happy and looking forward to the future.
  7. Sally

    Sally Member

    I got past the stage for a good while ago, so I'm on the rise. I had a great one before I moved, trying to find one here now. found that psychiatrists works better than psychologists.

    it must have been a hard time for you, thank you for sharing. it helps a lot to know that you are not the only one in the world.

    and of course a good spanking also helps;)
  8. Death

    Death Member

    I am about where you are, now, except for different reasons. My reason is not finding my true love, and I don't even believe I will, anymore... it's like I no longer even know why I keep bumping my thread in the personals section. It even feels as if that if she suddenly would contact me, I would have a great difficulty keeping my interest. I know that isn't true, after I was talking with a random girl from a dating site, but it feels true when I think about it.

    Personally, I'm giving it this year to find my true love... if I don't find her, I think I need to look at dying, the following year. Unless the end of 2012 brings all sorts of exciting things, that will keep my interest in finding her, sometime soon afterwards. I'm thinking about the various prophecies, when mentioning 2012, by the way... but it's probably just a very unlikely coincidence, with prophecies that match up for that time... although something very mysterious did happen to me, towards the end of September, so who knows, maybe something significant indeed will happen to me, this year. :|

    ...Anyway, I don't really know what to say. Just wanted to let you know that I understand your feelings. Otherwise, I have very poor experiences of psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists, and wouldn't really want to recommend them, very easily... they are very dangerous people to deal with. Glad you're doing better today, though.

    ...And hello, everyone who remembers me. =_= I'm not really back on the forum, though... just felt like making this post.

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