Hi, I'm new and wanted to say hi

Discussion in 'Section open for any subject to discuss' started by babyk87, Nov 13, 2010.

  1. babyk87

    babyk87 New Member

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    Hi all,

    I'm new to this forum have just joined. However, I have been reading the forum for about a month now and have only just got the courage to join you lovely people.

    A bit of background first. I am 23 at the moment and have just got married to my wonderful husband. We have been together for 5 years and have both always enjoyed rough sex, but we have taken this further recently when he realised I always enjoy it. However, we are taking things extremely slow due to a very violent relationship I was in when I was 16... physically and sexually violent.

    At the moment we are trying things like spanking, ass, pussy and tits. He has choked me and gags me with his hand. Can't stand being tied at the moment but we are getting there. Also recently I have had my turn at dominating him, we both enjoy both sides.

    So now for the question... at the moment when I am about to come I sometimes wish he would crop me (we do own one). I know communication is a must but I'm worried he will find it strange that I want this due to my past. Any ideas? Will he like the idea?

    Anyway sorry to go on lol.

    Nice to meet you all

    BabyK :)
  2. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

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    No need to apologize. First off welcome to the forum!

    So, my answer to your question: Tell him. It seems like you two communicate very well, and I'm sure if you tell him he will be cautious at first, but once he sees you enjoy it, will be fine.

    I can't honestly tell you if he'll like the idea as I'm don't know him, but I don't think he'll find it strange. Like I said, if I know anything about people, he will be cautious and hesitant at first and will probably ask you if you're sure.

    It's all about baby steps :]
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Yes, just have lots of honest conversations with him about what you want.

    If you are going to do choking, you need to read Jay Wiseman's essay on breath control, which you can google. He explains why breath play is extremely dangerous. If you're going to do it, you need to understand just what you're risking.
  4. babyk87

    babyk87 New Member

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    Thanks for the welcome guys!

    Tumbl3 - thanks for that, might get courage to speak to him about it soon. Meanwhile I have a red ass from his hand :)

    Sebastian - your an awesome safety concious person. So are we! I've read up on everything I could find via google and know how quickly things can go wrong. Luckily we are very in tune with each other and he is always extremely cautious.

    Thanks again for the welcome.

    Any advice or ideas welcome.

  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Baby: I'm glad you two are safety conscious. A little care can eliminate most of the risk in the basic forms of bdsm. Unfortunately, there's no way to eliminate the major risk of breath play, whicH is a heart attack (not asphyxiation). If you understand that risk and accept it, enjoy!
  6. babyk87

    babyk87 New Member

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    Sebastian: Thanks very much for all your concern and advice. If I'm honest its probably not quite choking so much as he holds my neck, it never stops or even seems to restrict my breathing...its just enough for me to know who is in control. Even so we are always careful for obvious reasons...3 quick taps on his arm and he lets go.

    There's so much we want to do (I want to do) but we are taking it easy. He also enjoys me dominating him and we have recently purchased our very first strap on used successfully for the first time last weekend. Not sure I did it right but used tons of lube and took it slow. He seemed happy enough. I enjoyed it but do prefer submitting to him :)

    After reading through everything on this forum I feel more confident knowing there are more people out there like us. Knowing I can ask for advice and not be judged is an amazing feeling so thanks to everyone

  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Baby: It doesn't sound like it's serious breath play. Read Wiseman's short essay on it if you're interested in understanding the issues.

    If he enjoyed you pegging him, you did it right. If you want to feel more submissive to him during that, ask him to order you to peg him. He can still be in charge while he's getting fucked.

    We're a pretty open-minded group, perhaps to a fault in some cases. But we like to help.
  8. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    Welcome bk
  9. drkangl87

    drkangl87 New Member

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    just wanted to say welcome
  10. bithboy7

    bithboy7 New Member

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    hi im new

    hi im new too, ive been a member all of 10 minutes
  11. ranssub87

    ranssub87 New Member

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    Thanks for the welcome everybody.

    I have set up a new username as I realised I had very stupidly set up my account in the name I use on every single forum. So I was babyk and am now ranssub87 :D

    Very excited right now as my husband is on his way home :D
  12. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

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    Hope it all went well OP.
    Just a thought. If you are interested in bondage but not ready (for whatever reason), police handcuffs are the safest, quickest and easiest to get used to. No fumbling with straps or ropes and they have evolved over ~150 years to be the best restraint available. And a turn of the key and they're off.
    Good luck.
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Terrible: Very good advice, although a few comments are in order
    1) Use real professional handcuffs. The crap ones they sell at Hot Topic are liable to hurt the sub because they're not really made to be used.
    2) Handcuffs are best used for short periods. They can really start to chafe if left on for long periods
    3) Make sure you double lock them. Otherwise they can tighten on their own and cramp circulation a good deal.
    4) Always keep a spare key somewhere accessible where you won't lose it.
  14. ranssub87

    ranssub87 New Member

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    Thanks for the support guys. We might look into them.

    With regards to starting on bondage, I was thinking of asking him to tie my legs first and leave my arms free. Then if it gets too much I can release myself if necessary. What do you think?

    Ranssub :)
  15. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Ran, that is a reasonable place to start. If the idea of being tied up makes you feel a little anxious, just tying your ankles is a good way to get your feet wet, as it were. Another option would be to tie your hands in front of you with a bow knot so that you know that you can release your hands simply by tugging on the knot with your teeth. Or you have him tie your hands and leave the ends of the rope in your hands so you can free yourself just by letting go of the rope. A couple weeks ago I played with a boy I'd never worked with before. He was willing to be tied up but requested that I leave one hand free. What I finally did was tie his legs and one arm, and then tied the other arm in a way that allowed him to free himself simply by letting go of the rope. He found that a sufficient precaution so that we were able to play for about 45 minutes before I decided to untie him.

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