new to BDSM

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Tingettley, Dec 16, 2011.

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  1. Tingettley

    Tingettley New Member

    So im kinda new to this whole BDSM thing, and kind of got interested by reading the first few pages of the artist Shiniez's works on Hentai-foundry.com. I have this feeling that i would love to be dominated, but at the same time i love having control. Was hoping I could talk to someone, maybe find out if this is for me, or if its not.

    Thanks to all who write back :)
     
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Well, what turns you on?
     
  3. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Share some of your fantasies
     
  4. Exactly.. And as for which direction you are interested in going, there are those that enjoy both. Typically they are labelled as "switches"..
     
  5. Tingettley

    Tingettley New Member

    Well im actually not hard to turn on, I love nails digging in my back, biting, scratching... i know its not much, but its something. I have had my heart torn out twice w/i a 6 month period, and my last Ex wont even talk to me, its humiliating... and it makes me want her back even more. I have never been tied up, I have been spanked. But to be honest, when i see a woman tied up and being submissive, it just turns me on, and yet because i dont know what all women like, i love having them tell me how to please them. I tell ya.. its really weird

    I really dont have a fantasy yet... so like i said, i really dont know what i want yet.

    Im just looking for someone to talk to atm, like im great with my hands, and i love strong women, that has to count for something right?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2011
  6. That's not weird at all! You'll find a lot of people that share you similar desires if you look.

    Have you tried reading erotica or watching BDSM porn? That tends to not be the best or most realistic depictions of BDSM, but it will give you somewhat of an idea of what you might like. (When is porn ever realistic, anyway? LOL.) I have found that I liked a lot more than I thought I ever would by just reading erotica.
     
  7. Tingettley

    Tingettley New Member

    Yeah, i found this great storyline of two Les who find eachother after all thier lives they cant seem to find anything to appease them. The one scares off all her ex BFs, and the other wants to be dominated, and all the guy ever seems to think of that is Doggy. So they find eachother online, and it works out great for both. Its a great story, its what got me interested in BDSM in the first place
     
  8. Tingettley

    Tingettley New Member

    ya know... noticing this cock ring add... i have noticed ive been putting this Jinx rubber wristband around my junk... and enjoying the feeling of it being there
     
  9. There's tons of great things like that. Check out cock and ball torture (cbt). You might not like all of the toys, but there's plenty of different types of cock cages, ball stretchers and harnesses. Some even come with rings to attach lashes to:D
     
  10. Tingettley

    Tingettley New Member

    well thanks for some basics in advice, even though it seemed like i was kinda talking to myself alot since no one replied fast xD. I guess ill just have to delv deeper, maybe find a newb mistress to see how we both take to it, vs having someone whos hardcore be my first (for BDSM anyway) all i can say is, im hella interested. Ive been humiliated and torn down emotionally, and at the same time ive been praised for taking control of her while we were together.

    So again thanks. If i have any more questions ill post a thread :)
     
  11. JettOnly

    JettOnly Member

    I would say you did get pretty fast replys, many bdsm forums are fairly quiet, this one is really good but people can't be on 24/7 so you might have to wait a day or so for answers

    From personal experience I would say do not go with a new domme

    A good experienced domme will talk to you before the scene and try and Taylor it to a level you think you can deal with
    They should be able to skillfully asses when you can be pushed more and when you need them to back off
    They should understand the issues with subspace, aftercare and subdrop and help you through each stage

    With a novice domme there is the danger she will want to try out all the toys in her toybox and won't notice you have gone to a place where you cannot stop her when its more than you can cope with

    Or listening to your desires to start softly they might go so gently you get nothing out of it

    I am sure there are some who get it right early on but its a big gamble, talk to a few subs and get some recomendations of a good domme who can give you a good first time
     
  12. Yes, yes, yes!!! What Jett said!!

    There's tons of physical safety concerns any dom (and subs too) should be aware of, but there are also EMOTIONAL safety concerns that you need to be aware of. I suggest reading the FAQ (first post in this section), and research before you play. I've had a few knowledgeable members on here help me prevent some pretty bad situations, and they've also made me aware of the other things I need to be aware of.

    And keep in mind, you can have your dom be your girlfriend, someone you meet or get reccomendations for (please take precautions) or in some places you can even hire a professional:)
     
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    i think one reason you didn't get more responses is that you were being sort of vague. It's hard to offer suggestions when you don't give us much to go on.

    If you enjoy cock-rings, definitely explore cbt, genital bondage, and things like that. There are lots of toys that are variations on cock rings that will produce a sense of snugness or weight on your cock and balls. You can do some genital bondage with a short length of cotton or nylon rope or shoelaces.

    Do a little bit of reading on cbt safety. Don't wear a cock-ring (or anything else on your junk) for more than 30-45 minutes, and take it off if you notice your balls getting cooler (that means the reduced blood flow is becoming significant). Don't tie shoelaces so tightly that you will have trouble getting them off (and if your balls sweat a lot, you should probably avoid using cotton shoelaces at all). Being safe isn't very difficult, and you really don't want to have a serious mishap with your junk.
     
  14. Tingettley

    Tingettley New Member

    Thanks guys, like i said im really new, so ill do my research and see what i think i can handle. i mean. I have no clue what i like so of course i was vague. i only started actually looking into this about a week (if that) ago.
     
  15. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Then your best course of action is to read some porn and watch some porn and pay attention to what turns you on and what you might picture yourself doing/wearing/saying. It's ok to find some BDSM play too extreme for you; a lot of BDSM is quite specialized and appeals to only a small segment of the population. What matters is exploring what appeals to you. And there's no rush. You have your whole lifetime to discover your kinks.
     
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