sebastian
Active Member
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There are two things that might be going on here, with her insulting you in public. It's possible that she's a jerk. I'm guessing that's not the case, since you're still with her, but some people just enjoy doing stuff like that. I wouldn't tolerate that from an entirely vanilla partner, much less a sub. The more likely possibility is that she's a bratty sub. Brats enjoy antagonizing their dom, either because it forces the dom to earn their dominant position or because it gives the dom reasons to discipline the sub and the brat enjoys that. Brattiness is also a way for a submissive person to express a non-submissive part of their personality. It can also be a way for a sub to see if the dom is really dominant or not.
Two possible options, based on the assumption that she's being bratty, rather than jerkish:
1) Since the two of you are still pretty new to BDSM, the wisest thing is probably to keep the power exchange mostly in the bedroom until you two are comfortable with the basic dynamics of dom/sub play. Once you two have found your 'BDSM legs', then discuss expanding the power exchange into the other areas of your life. So stay more or less vanilla out in public and even in private when you're not having sex. If her rudeness to you in public bothers you, then, as Knots advises, talk to her about it the way you would discuss any problem in the relationship, as equals. Even if she's doing it to be playful, you have a right to tell her that you don't enjoy it and would like her to stop it.
2) Once you do start expanding your power exchange into other areas of your life, you have other options. Give her rules about how she can behave in public. You might tell her, for example, that she needs to behave respectfully in public, even if she's not doing the full out 'Sir yes Sir' protocol in public. If she mouths off to you, just say something like "that's one demerit" or "we'll discuss your disobedience when we get back home". When you get home, tell her that it's time for the consequences of her rudeness. If you don't mind her rudeness, give her fun discipline, like spanking or some other sort of play that you both enjoy. If you go this route, she's going to continue being bratty, because it gets her fun play. If you don't like her rudeness and actually want it to stop, give her an unpleasant punishment, like time-out in the corner, no TV time or extra chores. The idea here is to give her bratty behavior negative consequences that discourage her from misbehaving. But punishment is only an option if she's agreed to be your sub outside the bedroom.
One other point: Even if you do start exploring power exchange in the non-sexual areas of your life, I strongly recommend developing a set of discrete protocols for when you're out in public. Requiring her to say "Yes my master" even when you two are at a restaurant is going to get you a lot of unwanted attention from people who think you're abusing her. So if she says something rude out in public, don't try to handle it right there and then; just softly comment on her that she'll be punished/disciplined later or give her 'the look'.
Two possible options, based on the assumption that she's being bratty, rather than jerkish:
1) Since the two of you are still pretty new to BDSM, the wisest thing is probably to keep the power exchange mostly in the bedroom until you two are comfortable with the basic dynamics of dom/sub play. Once you two have found your 'BDSM legs', then discuss expanding the power exchange into the other areas of your life. So stay more or less vanilla out in public and even in private when you're not having sex. If her rudeness to you in public bothers you, then, as Knots advises, talk to her about it the way you would discuss any problem in the relationship, as equals. Even if she's doing it to be playful, you have a right to tell her that you don't enjoy it and would like her to stop it.
2) Once you do start expanding your power exchange into other areas of your life, you have other options. Give her rules about how she can behave in public. You might tell her, for example, that she needs to behave respectfully in public, even if she's not doing the full out 'Sir yes Sir' protocol in public. If she mouths off to you, just say something like "that's one demerit" or "we'll discuss your disobedience when we get back home". When you get home, tell her that it's time for the consequences of her rudeness. If you don't mind her rudeness, give her fun discipline, like spanking or some other sort of play that you both enjoy. If you go this route, she's going to continue being bratty, because it gets her fun play. If you don't like her rudeness and actually want it to stop, give her an unpleasant punishment, like time-out in the corner, no TV time or extra chores. The idea here is to give her bratty behavior negative consequences that discourage her from misbehaving. But punishment is only an option if she's agreed to be your sub outside the bedroom.
One other point: Even if you do start exploring power exchange in the non-sexual areas of your life, I strongly recommend developing a set of discrete protocols for when you're out in public. Requiring her to say "Yes my master" even when you two are at a restaurant is going to get you a lot of unwanted attention from people who think you're abusing her. So if she says something rude out in public, don't try to handle it right there and then; just softly comment on her that she'll be punished/disciplined later or give her 'the look'.
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