New to all of this. Help.

RandomGuy

New Member

MIRROR: Download from MEGA

So I've always been kinky and wanted to adventure into BDSM, but could never find a willing partner. My current girlfriend used to have a master until she joined the military. I figured now would be a perfect time to experiment and see if it's something I would enjoy. I have a few problems though. I've always been a bit submissive in bed, although I like to be dominant as well, whereas my girlfriend has always been a sub. I don't know how to be a "master." Can anyone help me?
 
Fileboom Premium Account

Keep2share Premium PRO Account
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium

RandomGuy

New Member

MIRROR: Download from MEGA

Yes, I have. I guess I forgot to include my biggest problem which is that she doesn't really cooperate with me when I try to be dominant. I can't tell if its because she wants me to work harder at it or if I'm doing it wrong or if she just doesn't want it. We talk about it and she says that its something she's willing to try with me, but every time I try she says "You're not my master." or she just says no. I'm confused.
 
Fileboom Premium Account

Keep2share Premium PRO Account
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium

sebastian

Active Member

MIRROR: Download from MEGA

There are a couple things that might be going on here:
1) She's ambivalent about subbing (perhaps for you, perhaps at all). She likes the idea, but gets resistant when the chance to actually play comes up.
2) As you suggest, maybe she's trying to goad you into being more dominant. Perhaps you're being very uncertain about taking charge.
3) She might a 'bratty' sub. Bratty subs like the struggle for control. Ultimately they want to submit, but they want to make the dom earn the victory, or they like the fantasy of being raped/forced to obey/intimidated or whatever.
4) She wants a mind-reading dom who will magically know what she wants when she wants it without her having to say it.

The only way to know what's going on is to sit her down and have an honest conversation with her. Remind her that you're very new to domming and don't have much to compare her to. Explain that you're confused about what she actually wants. Ask her to be very clear about her desires and tell her that if she wants to sub for you, she needs to accept that you're inexperienced and she's going to have to take things slow for a while, until you get your 'dom legs'. Confirm that she wants to play with you and then ask her to explain exactly what she would like to do. Your job will be to play out the scene she's envisioning, and her job is to stick to the script so that you can have a positive first experience.
 
Fileboom Premium Account

Keep2share Premium PRO Account
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium

sebastian

Active Member

MIRROR: Download from MEGA

Have you set a safe word? The purpose of a safe word is to allow subs for whom 'no' means 'yes' to have a clear way to say 'no'. If she wants to say 'no' and have it mean 'be more aggressive', she needs something that lets her stop play when she really means 'no'.

And you need the safe word as well. Because you're inexperienced and don't know quite what she's enjoying and what she's not enjoying, a safe word gives you the assurance that she's enjoying things until she uses the safe word. That knowledge will help you build your confidence.
 
Fileboom Premium Account

Keep2share Premium PRO Account
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium

sebastian

Active Member

MIRROR: Download from MEGA

One of the best things you can do is create a sense of power imbalance; you have the power and she doesn't. So find things large and small that reinforce your superior position. Here are a few things you can do when you're playing. Among other things they indicate that you've moved from vanilla equality to power exchange.

1) She is naked, you are clothed. Forced nudity definitely creates a sense that one is in an inferior position. It's one of the reasons cops do strip searches.
2) She kneels while you stand or sit, or she stands while you sit. The former creates a visual imbalance in which she is literally below you; the later creates a comfort imbalance.
3) She addresses you as 'Sir' at all times, while you call her whatever you choose, as long as it's at least vaguely condescending. "sweetie, baby, pet" are affectionate, while 'bitch, whore, slave" are more explicitly degrading. If you're into hair-pulling, I'd recommend using degrading means of address.
4) You command; she requests and begs. Tell her what to do and don't say 'please' or 'thank you' (unless you can pull over the aristocratic trick of issue commands very politely); she on the other hand has to say please and thank you for everything you do, even if it's degrading. If she really wants something, she needs to beg for it. One trick I use is that I say "If you beg nicely, I'll let you cum" (or whatever it is the sub wants). When he says "Please Sir, let me cum", I respond with something like "You don't sound like you really need it. I don't think you're desperate enough." If the sub begs better, I'll say "Hmm. That was a little better. But I still don't think you really need it." That's a game you can stretch out for a long time.
 
Fileboom Premium Account

Keep2share Premium PRO Account
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium
Free LIFE TIME Fileboom Premium

Knots

Member

MIRROR: Download from MEGA

You're great with advice! I can't thank you enough. I really like the command/request idea along with the whole"sir" thing, but the only problem I see with that is that when we're in public she likes to be rude and condescending towards me and I don't really know how to "punish" her for that behavior yet since we haven't really gone too far with things yet.

I think at the moment, since you're new to domming, you should sort this out like a "regular" couple. Have a word with her and say that actually this isn't fair and is perhaps even upsetting.
 
Fileboom Premium Account

Keep2share Premium PRO Account
Top