New sub with a question

veritas · Jun 24, 2008

Well first off, Hi. I'm new to the forums (obviously) and also pretty new to the D/s lifestyle. I have a Dom who has done a wonderful job introducing me to all the various aspects of bdsm, but other than that, I have no real community to talk to or learn from. I'm in a pretty rural area, and it's a bit frustrating at times.

I'd like to know how other subs (and doms too) feel about crying. On a few occasions, after some really intense play, I've just burst into unexpected tears. Is this a normal sort of reaction, or a signal that we are pushing too far? The first time it happened, it frankly scared the crap out of me. But it also felt really cathartic, and afterwards I felt so relaxed and happy. In day to day life, I'm a fairly tight reined person; crying in front of people makes me extremely uncomfortable. So the fact that my Dom can bring me to the point of tears--and I like it--makes me feel pretty weird.

LadyMarie · Jun 24, 2008

I think tears as you described, are cathartic. The fact that you liked crying and felt relaxed and happy afterwards is even more testimony to letting yourself go. What was you Dom's reaction to your tears?

veritas · Jun 26, 2008

You know, he was really okay about it. Didn't freak out or pull back at all; just took care of me while I got it out of my system. Come to think of it, he actually told me he liked being able to make me cry and thanked me for being able to get that vulnerable with him.

So I'm not really troubled by it for his sake--after I got over the first time and the initial thoughts of *Ohmygod he is going to think I am a freak and never ever want to do this with me again!*-- but for the way it makes me feel way, way more exposed than I would ever allow myself to be in normal life. I don't necessarily want to avoid it, but I'm not sure what I need in order to feel "safe" enough to do it without feeling self-conscious afterwards.

PTs_Pet · Oct 28, 2008

veritas,
i can relate.. I'm a very 'tight reined person', quite a hard ass, really in my 'out' life.. not at all the Sub persona that comes to me very naturally and organically in my relationship. i NEVER cry in front of others, never feel the need to and if rarely do, i just dont do it. i knew my boyfriend (now fiance and Sir) had me wrapped up when i openly cried in front of him about something personal I was going thru (not at all bdsm related). I knew for the first time in my adult life it was true trust.

i think that's how you can know you're made a perfect match with your Dom especially for your introduction into this life/style.. that you felt so comfortable and in trust with him you could release yourself by crying which is to you, like me it seems, is a very vunerable level and i'd liken is worse to being stipped and naked in front of complete strangers (non bdsm's of course haha).

i personally think (IMHO), it was a beautiful thing and how fortunate for you to have such a loving wonderful Dom!

Feel_the_sensation · Mar 1, 2010

Hi, It sounds like you have a good Master and you both are pretty compatible just by virtue of your being able to le go. So to echo previous replies, yes that is fairly typical. And that ht held you and supported you afterward - that's the right thing to do. It's essentially the same kinds of things a Master should be doing when his sub is coming down from subspace. I believe that, over time, you'll be able to let your guard down more and more. It doesn't happen overnight. In a good D/s relationship, these kinds of things are much more common, more intense, and more meaningful than in a vanillaa relationship.

sebastian · Mar 1, 2010

I used to have a sub who really wanted to cry. He was so controlled in his normal life that he couldn't express much emotion. He wanted to be so totally humiliated that he would break down and weep. So it's perfectly ok to do that if it feels right. D/s playcan be extremely visceral nd it can call up deeply buried feelings. And the fact that your Dom knew enough to give you room and take care of you is a good sign as well. Sounds like he is a good Dom for you.

sillylittlepet · Mar 1, 2010

If you like it, and your dom likes it, then there are no problems! It seems like you trust him enough to not only cry in front of him, but not feel awkward about it later. Instead of worrying, you could use this as a jumping off point in exploring more of your submissive side!

Sparrow69 · Mar 1, 2010

crying doesnt only happen when we are sad, take the blushing bride who cries tears of joy on her wedding day...Our bodies tend to release tears when were emotional, be it overjoyed, over-saddened, or simply highly stimulated. The fact that you enjoyed it as a release, and your dom comforted you and consoled you through it, speaks loads about your relationship. Welcome to the forum, I'm sure you two will be happy together for some time to come.

New sub with a question

veritas

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LadyMarie

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veritas

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PTs_Pet

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Feel_the_sensation

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sebastian

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sillylittlepet

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Sparrow69

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