choking question

breathless · Mar 17, 2013

So I'm dating this girl who's into choking, only the catch is, she has no desire to the chokee--I'm the one who has to be at the business end of her choke grip for her to get off. It began rather innocently--she'd be on top and give my neck a gentle squeeze here and there, but after awhile she began stepping on my neck, spitting on me, calling me a cunt, etc.

Also, as of the last couple of weeks, she's pressing the fire extinguisher down on my throat so hard I am actually passing out. Since this is occurring during foreplay and I'm waking up at an indeterminate time later, I'm not actually sure we're even having sex anymore. So the question is, is she avoiding sex by choking me out or am I just being paranoid? She says I'm enjoying it, but who knows.

stanley_jeffries · Mar 17, 2013

Hi breathless,
One of the guiding principles of BDSM is SSC - Safe, Sane, Consensual.

I want you to read your own post, and imagine it was being written by somebody else. Do you think this situaton described in that post fits any one of the three principles?

Safe: She is choking you until you pass out. That is incredibly dangerous. It's not a matter of "if", but "when" you wake up with brain damage - assuming you wake up at all.

Sane: The fact that she laughs off your protests does not indicate to me that she is fully in control - especially given the fact that you are unconscious and unable to stop her continuing with the choke.

Consensual: It sounds like you have told her you don't want it to be this extreme, and she's ignoring you. That means the scene has crossed the line into non-consensual, IMHO.

OK...only you can say if this situation can be salvaged with communicaiton of your feelings, and her respecting your boundaries. But you are absolutely right to be worried, and you need to act now to keep yourself safe.

Cheers,
Stanley

meena71 · Apr 7, 2013

Whatever she wants choking is not good for your health

choking question

breathless

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