New sub needs help.

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by skittles, Jul 9, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. skittles

    skittles New Member

    I am new to this so I am wondering what are general rules that you have found work. I have been looking at all kinds of things and have a general idea. I know that ultimately the rule are up to my master but I would like to prepare myself so that I can be a good slave.
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2008
  2. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    Its pretty hard to prepare for someone whom you have no idea what s/he will want.

    Might I suggest taking a session or two with a pro-domme in your area? They should be able to do quite a few activities with you that will allow you to at least warm-up to the idea.
  3. skittles

    skittles New Member

    I am already warm to the idea. I know he has rules in mind. He has set this task for me to see if the rules I come up with will please him. My husband and I have been talking about taking this step for a while.
  4. sirbrisgirlshel

    sirbrisgirlshel New Member

    It seems to me that "see if the rules I come up with will please him" smells like "recipe to fail." My man does not expect me to be a mindreader and I don't think it's fair to ask that. In addition, the whole point of "rules" is Him giving you boundaries. You choosing your own boundaries seems to be sort of off the mark. Yes, sometimes things will need to be discussed and negotiated but this just seems to be a strange task, IMO.

    All that being said... if he is your husband, you probably already know what turns him on and what makes him happy so why would coming up with general guidelines be a difficult task? No one else has to live your life so asking for someone else's set of rules is sort of like asking "what should I read?" People can tell you what they like but ultimately it's what you and your husband like that matters.
  5. skittles

    skittles New Member

    All I have done is ask some suggestions but I guess I have come to the wrong forum. It seems that our relationship doesn't fit in the box you people think is BDSM you criticize. So, so long.
  6. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya
  7. InnocentLooks

    InnocentLooks New Member

    Anyone else getting a bit tired of the standard, "You didn't say exactly what I wanted you to/reply immediately/agree with me entirely, I must be at the wrong place" reply? Is it supposed to be insulting? I mean, they're the ones so stupid they posted at the wrong forum, not us.
  8. bigsmiley

    bigsmiley New Member

    Wow you really like slamming newbies here, no wonder people look down on BDSM. Wouldn't it be nice if someone with questions could come to helping community and get good sound advice and not be looked down upon and criticized. When you were just starting out in the BDSM lifestyle, did you already know exactly how things worked? Were you not unsure of yourself and confused by the feelings you were having?
  9. Stargazer

    Stargazer Member

    What surprisies me the most is people who come here asking what they should do and how they ought to feel about something...

    Who are we to say what people should do? They need to discover for themselves what their boundaries are. Learn from their partner what each is comfortable with.

    A few months back, I said to my wife I'd like to try being whipped. She was unsure about it having never done it befire and I was a little unsure for the same reason. I didn;t come on here and ask where my pain threshold was, where my boundaries are or what parts of me I hould try having whipped.

    Instead, My wife and I, started slow and gentle and worked up in intensity to see where each of us were comfortable. All the time, giving each other feedback on what we were feeling so we knew how best to move on.

    It's this simple little concept of 'it's your life and your feeling, you should decide what you like' that so many people don't seem to grasp.

    BDSM is a minority lifestyle and the minorities have always been the 'black-sheep' in the world that are considered weirdo's or undesirables. It's got nothing to do with the attitudes on web-forums. That doesn't mean we can say and do whatever the hell we want on these message boards, but it doesn't mean we should also set other peoples goals for them in something they and only they can determine for themselves.
  10. InnocentLooks

    InnocentLooks New Member

    Uh, they'd already gotten angry and left. I didn't think there was anything wrong with their question, I was just pointing out how they rudely leave when they don't hear exactly what they want. And that it was a pattern. That's what the problem was, the original question was legit, and I try to help answer them when I can. I slammed one "newbie", ever, and I just re-iterated what they had said about themselves. It wasn't even really meant to be a 'slam'. Everyone has a right to ask questions, no one has a right to throw a fit and leave when the answers aren't exactly what they want to hear. You obviously aren't very clever though, so I will try not to blame you for your idiot mistakes. Oh, and PS, that was a slam.
  11. InnocentLooks

    InnocentLooks New Member

    This is all very true. BDSM crosses a lot of boundaries emotionally and physically that people won't normally cross, though, and the ambiguity of those situations can be confusing. I can understand not knowing what to feel/want or whatever. It's true though, they have to take a chance and experiment.
  12. littlegirl

    littlegirl New Member

    I honestly didn't understand their post :/ if they had put a little bit more effort in explaining what "advice" they needed then maybe this could've been a bit neater situation. And I didn't think there was any "slamming of newbies" going on here. And kudos for you Stargazer That was a very well written post. :hugs:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page