new and need punishment suggestions

sillylittlepet · Feb 16, 2011

Okay, okay fair enough

one, even though your relationships didnt "offically" end, you lost contact with one another and now she's dating something else. Now even though you have the green light to play with her, I think you should seriously evaluate why you're playing with her instead of exploring with someone new. I'm talking a very serious evaluation, assuming that she's probably not going to break up with her girlfriend to be with you and it sounds like this is just going to be online playing (assuming you two are still long distance, and even if you weren't it seems like she explicitly stated that she wanted to keep it online or non-physical or whatever she said)

two, and she's the only girl you're seriously attracted too?

three, maybe you could use this new found "freedom" as a way to socially educate yourself instead of going back to an ex. No offense. Join local groups, go to bars with friends, give online dating a shot, go out and meet new people. You dont need to "know" how to pick up a girl, its not a science and there aren't really any tricks. I would highly recommend meet new people and putting yourself into the dating scene

If you're not expecting anything out of the relationship, then whats the point of having it? Just fun?

EDIT: okay I know I'm like driving this into the ground

P.S.Eudonym · Feb 16, 2011

PS, you posted in my thread, so I can assume you read at least parts of it and saw the trainwreck that can come out of an outsider interfering in an established relationship.

I know I am new to all this, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but do yourself a favor and don't be that guy. Betty agreed to the two of you playing, but you are thinking beyond that. You have a hidden agenda for selfish purposes that you have not revealed to either of them. This is neither fair nor a good place to be.
The whole thing started based on deception. Anne went back on her choice once already, which should tell you that she is emotionaly invested in both you and Betty. However, she is also unwilling to end her relationship with Betty outright. You do not know wether Betty is actually cool with the situation. (You said you'd talk to her, but have not said if you actually did, so I'm asuming you didn't.) To me it sounds like she wants Anne to be happy and places that in front of her own feelings. (Playing Dom for her benefit without enjoying it points to that.)

Even without the BDSM element, this is no ground for a relationship of any kind. There is little trust, no consistency in their actions and a huge amount of potential of harm for everyone involved. I can emphasize with you feeling that you don't know how to pick up girls, but trust me when I tell you that there really is nothing more to it than simply talking to them. Thinking you have no options does not equal actually having none. Once you give it a shot, you will find that it comes to you quite naturally.

Finally, allow me to pose you a question to answer for yourself: Assuming this keeps up, the topic of actual sex comes up again and she turns you down and ends the relationship entirely. What will you do then? Will you resign yourself to being utterly alone forever or will you go out and try to meet someone? If your instinctive answer is the later, then there is no reason whatsoever not to do this right away.

If you truly love Anne, tell her exactly that and see where it takes you. If you don't and value both her feelings and her friendship, walk away.

phillyskin · Feb 17, 2011

SLP

One: This playing with her is definitely just for fun. Using the phrase 'get her into bed' was inappropriate because it implies deception (at least to me), it was just the closest thing I could think of. While, yes, I would like our playing to be physical I don't have any plans of pushing for that, because, yes, she stated she wanted to leave the playing online.

Two: At this point in time, yes. However the attraction is physical more than emotional at this point in time.

Three: I see you're point completely on that, and I have been trying that to some extent. I'm having a few problems with it in that I am extremely shy. My friends have been no help in that they generally work nights, plus they're lazy (lol).

And yeah, it's pretty much just fun. In fact if she told me she wanted to leave her girlfriend for me I'd advise against it. I'd have to be absolutely positive that the relationship would have ended either way, and I'm definitely not seeing that at this point.

PSE

You make good points and being new to this doesn't hurt anything, so am I. My agenda isn't hidden at all. Also I have not spoken to Betty personally as yet due to distance (plus my terrible luck with cars).

You've both given me a lot to think about. I won't be talking to her until tomorrow, but I think I'm definitely going to see exactly where her feelings on all of this lie. I do love Anne, but it's complicated, it's mostly in a friendship fashion.

P.S. Sorry if my tendency to use bullet points make me sound prickish but it's the best way I know to get my point across clearly online.

Yes, you are SLP, but that's ok.

edit: PSE, yes, I did actually read your entire thread and it was thought provoking for me.

P.S.Eudonym · Feb 17, 2011

I interpreted your "getting her into bed" literally which was what I meant with hidden agenda. If that was a poor choice of words, I apologize for that assertion.

Just for completeness sake, I meant love in terms of relationship love. Friendship love is a good reason to keep the friendship going, but not to keep ip the BDSM relationship IMO. (Frankly, more against it to be honest.)

Glad to see my situation can also help others as well and congrats on making it to the end.

phillyskin · Feb 17, 2011

Don't worry about it. I probably would have read it that way too.

new and need punishment suggestions

sillylittlepet

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P.S.Eudonym

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phillyskin

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P.S.Eudonym

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phillyskin

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