Need punishment suggestions

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by RS1981, Mar 7, 2011.

  1. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    My pet has a bad habit of calling me by other names than the ones I have assigned her to call me. I told her she can relax a bit after I'm finished training her and she has earned the privilege, but for now she can only call me by the respectful titles I have assigned her. If she does it again I feel like I should punish her. Can anyone suggest a proper punishment or should I even punish her at all?
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Ok, so when BDSMers talk about punishment, they can mean one of two things. 1) Play punishment, like erotic torture. ("slave, if you blink I'm going to have to spank you"-style punishment), in which the game is for the slave to get some fun pain or humiliation or whatever. 2) Serious punishment, in which the dom is seeking to teach a sub not to do a particular thing (or to always do a particular thing) by giving the sub an unpleasant experience that will give the sub an incentive to not do the particular thing, so as to avoid the unpleasant experience again. ("Slave, if you fail to obey my order to wash the dishes again, I will send you away for a week and will not speak to you"-style punishment).

    Which of these two type of punishment you mean is really important. The first is supposed to be fun, and will tend to encourage the sub to break the rules in order to get the punishment. The second is supposed to be unpleasant, and will tend to encourage the sub to obey the rules, to avoid the punishment.

    So which are you looking for?
  3. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    Something serious, but since I consider this a minor violation, I don't want it to be too harsh like the example you gave me. I know my pet, and that kind of punishment would be way too emotionally painful for her in this instance.
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Ok, so you want actual punishment, something to train her to not break your rules. The basic principle is that the punishment needs to be something that she doesn't like doing (although it shouldn't be something that pushes or violates her limits). Let's say she doesn't like being spanked. The next time she uses an unacceptable title, stop whatever she's doing and point out the offense to her. Ask her why she used the title she did, and ask her if she knew it was wrong to use it. Then tell her that her punishment is to receive 5 spanks from your hand. Make her tell you why she is being punished. Then put her over your knee and give her the 5 spanks (you might make her count them out and thank you after each spank). Then ask her if she is going to commit that offense again. Hopefully she says she won't. Tell her you trust that she will not do it again, but that if she does, she will get 10 spanks. And then don't mention the mistake again, unless and until she makes it again. Then repeat the ritual and impose the harsher penalty. The idea here is to force her to become conscious of her disobedience by enacting a ritual that focuses on it, and making the punishment unpleasant enough that she will remember it and seek to avoid it.

    Exactly what the punishment should be is best tailored to her and what she actively likes and dislikes. Either A) force her to experience something she dislikes or B) deprive her of something she craves. Examples of A might be standing in a corner, cleaning the toilet (assuming that's not a current chore she has), apologizing to you in the presence of BDSM friends, getting spanked or tickled for a minute, and so on. Examples of B might be not being allowed to sleep in your bed for a week, being forced to wear ugly or unflattering clothing or not using make-up (if she prides herself on her appearance), have to serve you but not receiving a customary reward, not being allowed to read or go to a movie she wants to see, refusing to call her by her pet name, or refusing to do puppy play with her (if she enjoys that sort of play). In the case of denial, you might go through all the starting motions of play (putting on her puppy collar, etc.) and then explaining that because she was naughty, she doesn't get to do puppy play, and instead just has to kneel for 15 minutes.

    Again, the central idea is to focus her attention on her offense, and draw a direct line from the offense to the punishment. Once she's been punished, however, you need to put it behind you unless it happens again. Many vanilla couples keep replaying their punishments ("how many times are you going to bring that up? I said I was sorry!"), and for a punishment to be truly effective, the sub has to believe that it has a clear end point. If it doesn't have an end, there's no reason to work hard to avoid it, because it can't be avoided, so why do the work?
  5. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    Well I thought of one thing I could do but it would have to wait until later because, and I forgot to mention this, we're long distance at the moment. She likes to talk alot, so a possible punishment I can do later is forbidding her from speaking for a day or so. I will still talk to her but the only thing I'll allow her to do is nod. That will definitely drive her crazy. I need to figure out a proper punishment for now though. She doesn't have too many dislikes so maybe I can use something she does like against her.
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    You can certainly punish her long distance. Just require her to send you something proving she did the punishment (watch it on cam, have her take a picture in the mirror, etc). Since camming and phone are critical for long distance play, don't cut them off completely, but forbidding her to talk might work (although most slave masters give their slaves voice training that restricts how they can speak simply as basic discipline).

    One trick I've used, especially long distance, is chanting. Make her undress and kneel facing into a corner of her bedroom (like a child being punished with a time-out). She puts her head to the floor and her ass in the air (intended to be humiliating and undignified). She then chants something for a set period of time (5-10 minutes to start with). The chant should be something that emphasizes what she did wrong, and should focus her thinking on you. For example, "I will not call my master 'honey'. I must respect my master at all times." The boys I've used this on typically say that it makes them feel submissive, sometimes that it makes them feel ashamed, and that it really makes them think about me.

    Incidentally, you could also use chanting as a daily discipline. Make the chant focused on something you want her to get better at. "I will remember to always dress sexy for my master." But if you use it as discipline, don't use it as punishment, because it will confuse her.
  7. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    So I decided how to administer each punishment. I divided each thing I tell her to do into 2 categories, commands and assignments. I will specify as I tell her to do each thing which is an assignment and which is a command. Disobeying assignments will require her to write out the nature of the violation 100 times (more or less, I may adjust the number.), with it doubling for each time she disobeys one. For commands it could be a variety of punishments which I still need to decide. If anyone has suggestions for these types of punishments or how to possibly make my method better please let me know.
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2011
  8. Kor

    Kor Member

    I found it hard to define and maintain a distinction between "punishment for doing something wrong" and "play punishment."

    Eventually, I realized that as a sadist, I don't *need* a made-up reason to do things to my partner. It's my kink, the complement of hers in accepting it.
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I find that it's quite easy to distinguish between the two of them. Real punishment gets its own framework. I tell my slave he's going to be punished, and ask him if he knows what it's for. He explains the offense to the best of his ability, and then tells me what the right behavior is. When I crop his ass, he has to count them out, thank me, and ask for another. At the end, I tell him that it's the end of the matter. That keeps real punishment separate from play punishment.

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