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Complete newbie here, thanks so much in advance for your help. A few weeks ago, I started getting intimate with a man who is naturally dominant (I am submissive and have been waiting for years to let this out). Neither of us has any BDSM experience, but we're learning together. I've done a lot of reading on it and we've already starting easing into it with phenomenal results. It's like I was born to do this.
The problem is, I'm confused about whether this relationship is emotionally "healthy" for me or not. Although our activities are cathartic while and after we do them, the rest of the time I've been riding this crazy manic depressive roller coaster since I met him. I feel really emotionally needy after our encounters, and when he doesn't give me any attention afterwards, I feel objectified and disrespected. Although I love to be humiliated and degraded sexually, I can't clearly distinguish the boundary between real-life (unhealthy) and sexual (healthy) objectification.
I don't feel guilty or upset about what we've done, I just feel... empty, angry and alone after the endorphin rush subsides. I'm not even necessarily thinking about him, I just feel upset and need support from the person who experienced the activities with me. I think some people call it "sub drop." I just have no idea what to do with these feelings!
I'm afraid to communicate with him about it because I hate feeling so needy. I'm not used to caring at all about attention from a person I'm having a casual relationship with- normally I'd be happy to walk out the door and not hear from him or her again until the next encounter. To top it off, he has a significant other, and I feel like I don't have the right to ask him for more attention.
But this has gotten to a point at which I'm having trouble functioning in my daily life because I feel so crappy, and I'm thinking it would be better for me to just cut this off and resume normalcy rather than continue to strive after these euphoric highs- the lows don't seem worth it. Is this a normal part of getting into a BDSM type of relationship? Or should I be doing something differently?
ETA: I have read the FAQ thoroughly and felt my question was not answered there.
The problem is, I'm confused about whether this relationship is emotionally "healthy" for me or not. Although our activities are cathartic while and after we do them, the rest of the time I've been riding this crazy manic depressive roller coaster since I met him. I feel really emotionally needy after our encounters, and when he doesn't give me any attention afterwards, I feel objectified and disrespected. Although I love to be humiliated and degraded sexually, I can't clearly distinguish the boundary between real-life (unhealthy) and sexual (healthy) objectification.
I don't feel guilty or upset about what we've done, I just feel... empty, angry and alone after the endorphin rush subsides. I'm not even necessarily thinking about him, I just feel upset and need support from the person who experienced the activities with me. I think some people call it "sub drop." I just have no idea what to do with these feelings!
I'm afraid to communicate with him about it because I hate feeling so needy. I'm not used to caring at all about attention from a person I'm having a casual relationship with- normally I'd be happy to walk out the door and not hear from him or her again until the next encounter. To top it off, he has a significant other, and I feel like I don't have the right to ask him for more attention.
But this has gotten to a point at which I'm having trouble functioning in my daily life because I feel so crappy, and I'm thinking it would be better for me to just cut this off and resume normalcy rather than continue to strive after these euphoric highs- the lows don't seem worth it. Is this a normal part of getting into a BDSM type of relationship? Or should I be doing something differently?
ETA: I have read the FAQ thoroughly and felt my question was not answered there.
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