Humbly asking for Dominatrix input.

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by EZRA, Jan 13, 2010.

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  1. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    OK the first time I posted about this it was a bit tongue and cheek and I got what I deserved and liked it, but it did start me thinking and I soon realized that there is not enough input from Female Dominates on this forum.
    It's been my experiance that Female Dominates are significantly differnt from male Dominates, where as it has also been my experience that subs are fairly similar be they male or femail of any orientation.
    To that end I would like to make a formal and serious request for input from and about Female Dominates.

    The things I noticed so far about my Mistress is a definite subtlety and a more ingenious approach to her control.
    She expects me to figure out what she wants instead of her just telling me.(AARRGG!)
    while I still get punished for disobedience or just general brattiness, I have to figure out what I did wrong and correct it or confess it and apologies befor I stopped being punished.
    Admittedly she is new to this, but I'm convinced she has a natural and prodigious talent for Domination.
    We had some difficulties at first, almost entirely due to lack of communication but after some good open discussions , plus some really good and "hot" scenes we are progressing nicely now. We are not 24/7 but that seems to be the direction that this is taking,I am expected to be submissive most of the time except when she is not in that space, and she is often very subtle about her Dominance preferring to ask instead of command but I know very well it was not a request and there will be penalties for not complying.
    It was also at this time I realized that she fully intended to force me to educate her which might sound a little backwards but it forces me to be more active and learn myself also it forces me to find the correct approach when I'm communicating with her.
    (Damn she is good and nicely evil)

    I guess what I would like is for input from other Female Dominates so I can understand her better,communicate better and generally serve her better, as the onerous is on me to bring and present the information to her in a way that she will enjoy and accept.

    Thank you for your time.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2010
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  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    i kinda agree with ezra there are never seen female doms only masters and subs (male,female)
     
  3. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    If femdom were common dominatrixes wouldn't be able to charge $200+/hour. (Basic supply & demand)
     
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  4. I can't be the only domme on here?

    I am also more subtle in my approach with my slave.. He knows what I expect and he does what is expected of him without me having to hover. He knows if he has a problem or needs something explained then it is his responsibility to come to me. I don't ask when I want something done, but I do usually add a please at the end... He knows I'm not asking. If I have to repeat myself it can get ugly. I think it's my job to be educated and not my slave's job to educate me, but I will give him little assignments to make sure he knows everything I deem necessary!
     
  5. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    Thank you Mistress Andrea.
    I also find it hard to belive that you would be the only Domme on the forum, but I'm sad to report that ,that appears to be the case.

    I belive that we are missing out on alot of good input and a the shift of perspective that Female Dominates would bring to our discussions.

    AS to education I think there are a couple of things at work here.

    If our lives were less stress full( in particular hers) that she would be far more interested in educating her self, That and coupled with her "newness" to it and her subsquint emotional turmoil with guilt, shame and the expectations of society at large .
    she is slowly coming to terms with who she is andwhen the time comes that she feels comfortable talking to other people about this, I have every confidence she will devourer every piece of information she can lay her hands on, untill then I will do my best to gently and respectfully guide her. Knowing she is struggling with her acceptance.

    "I'm ashamed at how much I like it" and "How can I "hurt" the one I love and like it?" are two statements that she has made to me recently, just to give you a picture of her struggle.
    I do my best to reassure her that she is not in fact hurting me and I have not only consented to it,but I'm pretty much begging for it. so she has nothing to feel guilty for.
    She has also had difficulty with "service", she is proud and independent person who prides her self on taking care of her self. But I 'm happy to report she is getting the hang of that especialy when she sees how happy it makes me.

    I actualy belive there are many more Dominate Females in the population as a whole than we know about or who "comeout" , who for what ever reason don't accept or express this side of themselves.
    I feel it's a shame and a tragedy that our society should make these women feel that they have to hide and squash thier true natures just to fit in. Making them and and all the male subs we know are out there miserable.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2010
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  6. MissM

    MissM New Member

    I'm trying to embrace the more dominate side of myself but I don't feel I could actually consider myself a domme. I've not had much actual experience and so I'm really at the point of just gathering information and practicing basic skills. It's a start, a slow one at that, but it's something.

    Your domme is very lucky to have you to learn with. ^.^ The only sub I know that I'm comfortable "learning" on (he's gracious enough to deal with my mistakes) is over 9 hours away. Needless to say that has me practicing on pillows, myself, and my roommates. >.> They call me weird but are kind enough to let me tie them up as long as there is nothing else to it.

    Maybe some day I'll get there.
     
  7. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    Welcom! MissM
    I am very happy to welcom you to the forum, I belive you have more to offer than you realize.
    I for one would love to hear, of your experiances so far, and hope you continue to post as you grow and learn.
    Hearing from another "new" Femail dominate will give me insite to my Mistress.
    Thank you for sharing.
     
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  8. Domme in training

    Hello finally a thread I could contribute too. I too am just starting out as a Domme (well not just as a Domme but as a sexual being). My sub is a friend - we are not 'going out' and never will as he doesnt see me that way and well I have to make myself believe that I dont either - tis difficult as he was 'my first and only'. So being very inexperienced and with the added worry that I feel that i am limited because we are not a couple I find it quite difficult to issue orders for fear that that are the wrong thing.Also he knows what he likes (and I am trying to oblige) but because I dont know what i like I am kind of fulfilling his needs whilst not getting my own met - because I dont know what they are. Even things like him going down on me etc are things he is happy to do but for me the idea ....well it doesnt exactly appeal not because i dont think I would like it (I have no idea either way) but because I am very self conscious - in fact this all started out as him a friend nothing to do with BDSM helping me to get over my body issues and thw whole BDSM thing was a kind of side line - I suppose its another way of building confidence but of course if you dont know what to do it could backfire. We send each other txt messages which are quite full on (in my eyes) but when it comes to actually doing the stuff we are now talking about (going down, breath play, me using a strap on on him) am not actually sure I am going to be able to go through with it.

    I also worry that whatever i am doing to him has been done before - I would like to do some new things whether it be different games or whatever so that at least I have some control rather than him suggesting things outside our play time. Does that make any sense??

    Also I have heard of after care for a sub but at the moment its me that needs the reassurance - can a Domme ask that of a sub/slave ?

    Any thoughts greatfully received.

    Mistress M
     
  9. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    Pretty much sounds like every female I've been in a vanilla relationship with. ;)
     
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  10. ryo111

    ryo111 New Member

    thank you
     
  11. dark_elim

    dark_elim New Member

    Not to beat a dead horse here, but most women are like that. My significant other freely admits that she expects me to be a mind reader. Fortunately, she is getting better about letting me know what she needs; even if she is subtle about it.

    [Edit: Spelling correction]
     
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  12. kato

    kato New Member

    Yes, if you want to have a good relationship with a woman, you generally have to learn mindreading. Or, she has to learn to overcome her social conditioning to never say what she wants. I think it is partly because of this same social conditioning that we don't see many women who are out as dommes. When I was growing up I learnt that sex is supposed to be about the joy of losing control, and until I got in a relationship with a female sub, it never occurred to me that I had any other option. Unfortunately we never really explored much because I couldn't get over the idea that it was a bad thing to want to 'hurt' her etc, just like with EZRA's partner. Is she on this site by the way? I wouldn't mind talking with her.
     
  13. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    This is a really old thread, and I don't think EZRA has posted since 2010. I haven't seen him ever since I joined. I figured letting the conversation here go anyway might be helpful for some of the new members.

    If you had questions or something like that, you could ask here or in your own thread, and I'm sure someone would have input. If you just wanted to try and set her straight, I don't think so.
     
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  14. kato

    kato New Member

    Thanks!
     
  15. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Ezra was around when I first started on this site right at the end of 2009, but right after I showed up, he posted that he was taking a break from subbing, and he hasn't been back since. I have no idea what happened to him.
     
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