First of all Iâ€™d like to say hi. After reading on here for a few months I decided to join you guys. I have known for years that I wasnâ€™t vanilla but it took quite some time to figure out what I was. About a year ago I told my man (weâ€™ve been together for about 9 years) that I was craving his dominance and control. We took our time to think and talk about â€œif, how and whereâ€ we wanted to take our relationship. Neither of us have any experience in this area so it felt right not to rush things. Lately the dynamic of our relationship has started to change a little â€“ which is really good but also causes a few problems along the way. The problem I am facing right now is something that happened a couple of nights ago. He gave me a wonderful spanking but the next day I felt sad and confused. I told him that I felt weird and he asked me why. I donâ€™t really know. He asked me if he had done something wrong the other night. I told him that it was wonderful and I felt happy and loved after the spanking. I felt how frustrated he got because I was sad and unable to explain why. But how can I begin to explain something to him that I donâ€™t even understand myself? Everything is a blur in my mind and I have a feeling that â€œsub dropâ€ and/or â€œaftercareâ€ might be what I need to solve the puzzleâ€¦ but I canâ€™t really get the pieces to fit. Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I should handle this?