Hi, Im new.

Discussion in 'Section open for any subject to discuss' started by desiredpain, Nov 18, 2010.

  1. desiredpain

    desiredpain New Member

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    Hello! I'm new and wanted to drop in and say hi. I just recently got into the bdsm scene, when i met my boyfriend. He was a little scared to tell me at first that he's into it, and especially that he's a sub. I have yet to try it with him though,I will be trying it for the first time tomorrow.

    What's really bothering me about it is that he wants me to really hurt him. He wants me to whip him until he bleeds, cut him, burn his balls with cigarettes, and a lot of other stuff. I'm really nervous about doing all this because I dont want to hurt him too badly. He wont even allow use of a safe word, he says he doesnt want it to stop no matter how unbearable it is. This is all stuff that turns me on, especially bloodletting. I just dont want to make a mistake and hurt him too badly.

    Any advice for newcomers to the scene would be greatly appreciated, and especially advice for my situation.
  2. Gilgland

    Gilgland New Member

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    As older, wiser people have told me, communication is a huge key and subs are not the only ones with limits. Take things slow and just let him know that you need time to get comfortable with things. If you both are willing to talk about things honestly and compromise I think you will find a happy medium that will put you in a place where you can both feel fulfilled and begin pushing each others limits in a healthy, safe, and fun way.

    The beginner's FAQ section has a lot of good thoughts and resources for people who are in the beginning stages of things. Good luck!
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Desired: Welcome to the forum. Your boyfriend is asking you to jump into the deep end of the pool when you've never had a swimming lesson. Gil is right; you need to take things slowly and go at your pace, not his. Doms, especially new doms, definitely have limits, and he needs to give you time to find your 'dom legs' before he asks you to do some of what he's asking you. Whipping, cigarette burns, and blood letting are all advanced play, and not something you should be attempting at the start. The goal of bdsm is to inflict hurt (good pain), not harm (bad pain). You do not have the skill yet to do any of these three types of play safely, which means that the potential for you to do serious injury to him is considerable. If you're a normal, caring dom, the last thing you want at this early stage is to injure your sub. That would seriously affect your confidence and might, if the injury was serious enough, put you off domming entirely.

    You are the dom, which means you're in control of how you play. So regardless of how far he wants you to go, be firm and tell him that you are going to go at a pace that feels comfortable and right to you. Then be firm about that. Remember, you're in charge. Insist that he use a safe word; he may not need one, but as a new dom you most certainly do. You need to know that what you're doing isn't pushing him too far, and a safe word is one way to know that he's handling things ok.

    Focus on developing your confidence; it's hard to be an effective dom if you don't feel confident. So identify a few types of play that you think you can handle; if you let him push you into something you're not ready for yet, you'll feel in over your head and your confidence will suffer. In your first few sessions, concentrate on mastering a couple of basic things, like spanking, or talking rough to him, or just being in command. Then, as you start to develop some confidence in those skills, add something new to your repetoire. Make sure that you read up on a new form of play before you try it.

    Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

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