Getting your significant other on board with your fantasies

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by diyentomologist, Mar 24, 2013.

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  1. diyentomologist

    diyentomologist New Member

    Hello I've been with my husband since we were kids 14 & 15. We are now 31 & 32 and I really want him to be more open into experimenting with things such as blood play and bondage. Our sex life is satisfying but I have always had these untapped fantasies that I have wanted to share. I love cutting the pain the feel of the blood dripping off my skin and I am extremely turned on by the sight of blood.Now my husband hates this part of me and won't have anything to do with it. He has however agreed to do bondage play but he will not take it seriously. I just want him to be in control and not fucking giggle about it. How can I make him understand that this is a serious desire not a phase?
     
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    If you haven't sat down with him and seriously talked about it with him, that's the first step. You have to figure out why he's being silly and impress how important and serious it is to you. There is a section in the FAQ on making a vanilla husband into a dom that might help, but without knowing what you've already done I won't get to detailed yet.
     
  3. missjaysumms

    missjaysumms New Member

    his not taking it seriously may be a defense mechanism for him; as in, bdsm makes him uncomfortable and making it feel less real to him takes the edge off...

    +1 on the first response, a real talk is always a good start.
     
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Have you done any BDSM play with him? Keep in mind that cutting, harsh caning and other things that draw blood intentionally are VERY advanced BDSM play, and definitely not for beginners. You can't expect him to go from vanilla love-making to drawing blood right away. And, as MissJay points out, he might be using humor to avoid addressing the issue seriously.

    If you're interested in cutting and blood play, think of that a goal to get to eventually, not something to ask him to do right away as a novice kinkster. If he hasn't done BDSM at all, look at the FAQ post on how to kinkify a nice vanilla boyfriend. It will give you some things to think about as you try to get him to explore you fantasies with you.
     
  5. ObedientSub10

    ObedientSub10 New Member

    I wish my girlfriend would understand the same thing. I realize how blood play can be disconcerting though
     
  6. BDSM Underground

    BDSM Underground New Member

    I agree with Smallest & Sebastian. Having a fetish that you want your partner to be apart of needs to be communicated and eased into. As for the blood fetish thing, I am not familiar with it but it does sound like some advance stuff.

    I can give you a real world example if it helps.

    I have a foot fetish, but I didnt tell anyone especially my GF for fear of rejection.

    About 6 months into dating my fear of rejection started affecting our relationship a little. So how I went about easing into it, was I would do things like offer her foot rubs more frequently (which she loves I might add) complementing her on her shoes, feet, flip flops, and such.

    After awhile of testing the waters and seeing she wasn't against anything I then told her about my fetish. After a few years I can say things are good and I can act out some of my desires without issues.

    The point is communication and easying into things are keys.

    I hope my story helps.

    Another thing you might want to try is asking him what his fantasies are, things he has always wanted to do, Then maybe you can make some deals and compromises.
     
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