Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sluttysub, May 14, 2010.

  1. sluttysub

    sluttysub Member

    I was wondering if any of you might have some suggestions for getting my husband to open up about his fantasies. He is one of those "strong, silent" types, and while over the years he's made a lot of progress in opening up, I can't get him to talk about his fantasies. The only one he has ever told me about is a threesome, although, after some discussion, he came to the conclusion that he would rather it remain a fantasy, it's not something we'll be doing.

    The last time we discussed this (a few night ago) he told me he doesn't have any fantasies - none (save the 3some). He then turned the conversation to my fantasies. This is how the conversation typically goes. I'm finding it hard to believe though, that he doesn't have any fantasies. Everyone does, don't they?

    So, being the over analytical person that I can sometimes be, I began to wonder why he won't tell me about them. I'm wondering if A) they are tamer than mine and he feels odd bringing them up, or B) they might be heavier/kinky but he's not sure how I'll respond to them.

    I haven't given him the full scope of my fantasies because, if you'll remember, he was initially pretty turned off by the idea of pain play. I'm trying to tread lightly, I don't want to scare him off by coming right out with it all. However, these past couple of weeks, he has become significantly rougher in the bedroom, including the much harder spankings and the choking scene I wrote about on another thread. I brought up the fantasies, because I'm trying to get a feel for what he's craving and how far we can push things. I don't just want to lay out my nipple clamps (which, btw, he doesn't know about) and his belt and ask him to use them on me.
  2. BernieD

    BernieD Member

    Well, i dont claim to know him, but most people have various fantasies. 3some being his only fantasy is possible, but he probably have other fantasies.

    Now, why wont he tell you. It might not really be related to how heavy/tame they are, but maybe just that he doesn't want to admit that he has those fantasy. For me, one of my biggest fantasy has to do with watersport, but just because i have this fantasy doesn't mean i'm not 100% aware of how disgusting and weird it is. And if i had a girlfriend, no matter how many time she would ask me, i would NEVER EVER bring this up. Anyway, that's my theory on why he might not tell you his fantasy, but i do not know him, so i can't really say for sure.

    As for how you can get him to tell you, if you can try to figure out what he likes and bring it up yourself, he might be more willing to talk about it. You could lightly (dont go all out about it) try different things and see if he likes it and if you see he likes it, bring up the specific subject yourself. Personally, that's what would work best for me. If you can't figure out what he want, try to get him to understand that you wont freak out, no matter what he tells you.

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