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Psykhe, welcome to the BDSM community. The number one rule is 'go at your own pace'. Don't let any dom push you into doing things you don't feel you're ready for. My general advice would be to make clear in your online profiles that you're very new to BDSM and want to start by chatting online.
Maybe the way to help you is to show you how I do things, so you can see what a dom is thinking. When I meet a guy online, I chat with him through the dating site for a while, and if I think he's interesting, eventually I exchange Yahoo IM addresses with him (if he doesn't have it, I tell him to get it). Then we chat on YIM for a week or two. During that period, I'll ask to see a face pic if his profile doesn't include one--I want to know that there's a minimum spark. If he refuses, I'll give him a week or two and ask again. If he continues to refuse, I usually tell him that it's a sign he's not serious, and tell him to contact me when he's more serious. I don't require a full nude shot --I understand how easily something like that could hurt someone's career or reputation.
If I still think there's some potential, I ask him for his phone number. If he says he's not ready for that yet, I tell him that I'm ok with that, but that I will be asking for it again in a week or two. If after two or three times round, he is still not comfortable giving me his number, I tell him that I'm willing to chat more, but that I'm going to start losing interest in him because I don't think anything will happen. YIM voice chat (or Skype) is a reasonable alternative, but eventually I'll ask for a number because there are drawbacks with YIM voice chat (the volume can be poor, for example).
Assuming he does eventually trade numbers, I talk with him more, perhaps a couple of weeks. During all of this chatting, what I'm looking for is that he shows signs of being turned on by the things that turn me on. For example, I like guys who are enthusiastic (even if that enthusiasm involves resistance). Guys who are reserved and don't loosen up when the chat turns to sex I generally dismiss fairly soon. This is a personal thing--reserved guys make me feel like I'm not doing a good job pushing their erotic buttons. I look for common fetishes--guys who are big into immobilization and not into pain are a poor match for me, as are guys who can't handle verbal abuse. There's no point in my trying to explore with these guys, since it won't be satisfying to me. I also look for evidence that the sub is too desperate; I want my subs to have their life together more or less. I look for evidence that they are lying to me--dishonesty of any sort is a deal-breaker for me. I look for evidence that they're emotionally stable (a boy telling me he's desperate to be owned and asking me to collar him right a way is a warning sign). However, I respect that they are not my sub yet--I keep my demands fairly limited, don't demand personal information (like their last name, address, or the business that employs them), and generally try to operate within the limits they set.
This process can go quite fast (a day or two), if the sub indicates he wants it to, or it can stretch out for a couple of months. Eventually, though, I will ask to meet in person, in a public place (I usually specify a well-known cafe near my apartment). If he refuses, I usually give him a few more weeks, but again, I warn him that he'll lose my interest if he doesn't meet relatively soon. I usually tell him that meeting doesn't guarantee playing. When we do meet, I demonstrate that I'm in charge--I usually wear my leather jacket and boots, I'll make eye contact fairly aggressively, sometimes I'll put my foot on his chair--but I usually just ask him questions about what he likes, what he might want to try, what his limits are, and so on.
If I think we're a good match, I invite him back to my apartment to play, and I generally tell him that playing once doesn't mean we'll play a second time. During play, I respect all the limits he's set, although on rare occasions I've slipped out and unintentionally pushed a limit. If that happens and he objects, I apologize. I don't push pain too heavily, since I don't know his signals yet. I usually don't fuck on the first play date, unless the boy begs for it and I'm in the mood. I always give safe words, and I always respect them. If we click during play, I invite the boy back; otherwise I thank him but tell him that I don't think we're a strong enough match to play regularly.
Not every quality dom is going to follow the same patterns I do. Some will be very aggressive early on and set hard rules that they expect their subs to abide by ("any sub of mine is going to get sparked, whether she likes it or not"). But every good dom I've dealt with finds ways to make clear that he will respect his sub's limits and will help the sub develop trust in him. Quality doms understand that the sub is taking some risks (the dom is too, but they're generally less physical risk), and that the dom needs to help the sub minimize those risks.
I hope this gives you some ideas about how to explore and what to look for. I have more thoughts in the Newcomer's FAQ
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