Harder Spanking and LD BDSM - Tips, Please

Felipe · Aug 4, 2010

Hello, to you all!!

My name is Felipe, I'm from Brazil and I'm new here at the Community.

Well, I need some help, so if you please can give me a light I'd appreciate it very much.

I've been having a relationship with this girl who lives in a city far, far away.

We started because of BDSM but are really enjoying each other out of it, so we're taking it seriously.

I've never been, really, much of a "Spanking" Dom. I've always done humiliation, some bondage, pet play, etc, using Spanking only as a plus, when needed.

Happens that this girl I'm with REALLY enjoys Spanking. Actually, as she told me, she likes the feels of pain, and, in her words, the more, the better.

I started with the Spanking I'm used to. Using my hands (she said I really can do it well), Clothespins (only the basic stuff), nothing too much.

I wonder WHAT can I do to improve this. She, once, told me of a Dom she had that she really enjoyed, which made me feel REALLY jealous. I want to do something special, and that she will never forget.

Plus, she keeps telling me she is so strong and stuff. I want to push her a little (or a lot) to her limits (obviously, taking each step at once).

I just wanna take it BDSM. Means I won't take a baseball bat and hit her on the forehead. Do you guys have any idea of what can I do??

1. She doesn't like Anal play (I'm trying to get her to accept it to do some Figging)
2. I don't like the idea of using needles and stuff
3. I thought of a Rattan Cane. But I can't find one in Brazil.
4. I would like to leave only small marks, or something that recovers soon. I don't want to leave bruises or anything of the kind (at least, hard ones).

The other thing is: As we live in far places, I'd like to get her doing some tasks, or running some errands.

I just don't have any idea of what can I ask her to do. She told me of this other Dom she had, that asked her to spend a day with clamps on her labia. So, I really don't wanna do it.

I'd like something different and nice.

Please, help a guy who has no experience with hard Spanking or with Long Distance BDSM.

Thanks a lot!

sebastian · Aug 4, 2010

Welcome to the forum. As I see it, bdsm has four spheres of play: control (giving orders, controlling the sub sexually, requiring domestic service, etc), bondage (ropes, chains, leather straps, blindfolds, etc), pain play (spanking, tit torture, rough sex, hot wax, etc), and humiliation and verbal abuse (insulting the sub, pissing on her, making her do or wear humiliating things, etc). Thus far, it sounds to me like you've only explored one small facet of pain play--spanking. There are many other forms of pain play you could look into, such as crops, paddles, and floggers, electro, tit and pussy torture with clothespins or clamps, hot wax, pinwheels, vampire gloves, and so on. But there's the other three spheres as well. Female subs typically are less interested in humiliation that male subs, so that might not do much for her (although it definitely could), but control and bondage are wide open.

So have a real talk with her about what turns her on. You may be the dom, but you're not expected to magically know what she wants. Ask her to describe her fantasies to you, and talk about yours as well and find out which parts of your fantasies she's willing to explore. Once you have some ideas about what she might like, do some research--neither pain play nor bondage should be explored without some guidance, either from books or other doms and subs you may meet in person or on line.

sillylittlepet · Aug 4, 2010

sebastian said:
have a real talk with her about what turns her on. You may be the dom, but you're not expected to magically know what she wants.

limed for truth (aka, sebastian is completely right)

Long distance is something my master and I have had a lot of practice with, so I'll do my best to give you pointers. I'm a rare female humilation sub however, with little interest in pain play, so... uhh...

The key of LD is communication (just like any other relationship, but perhaps even more important here). The two of you need to be really open about your likes, dislikes, turn offs, turn ons, fantasies, and so on. You're a novice dom, so its not going to do you any good to try and "out-do" this old mystery master she used to have.

Unfortunately, I think humiliation is easier LD than pain play, but its still worth a shot. Basically you want her to be inflicting pain on herself, but under your orders. This will be easier with skype or video chat or texting or some other form of quick communication, hopefully with picture. Hot wax, ice, whipping, clips, clamps.

Its hard to spank yourself, so maybe she needs a riding crop or a cane. You instruct her to whip herself 50 times, add an extra 10 every time she hesitates. Instruct her to pinch or clamp her nipples/labia. See if you can put her toughness and endurance to the test. Failure gets a nasty punishment, success gets a nice reward!

I'm going to let you know right now though, LD can be unbearably hard. I urge that you try and see each other in person as frequently as your schedules and wallets allow.

Felipe · Aug 5, 2010

Thanks for the replies.

Well, we try to see each other as much as we can. That's hard, but we're starting to like each other non-BDSM like as well.

Sebastian put it VERY nicely for me as to the Four Spheres of Play. I've always tried the Humiliation/Control. Never been much of a Spanking Dom, but once we were talking and she said "I just love the pain. The more painful the better".

And I felt a little lost, because: 1) I don't know many Spanking, and many less really painful, techniques; and 2) I'm afraid to hurt her, so I'm trying to take small steps.

I'm not very experienced, but as said, I too noticed that women are less likely to like Humiliation. And that's what I like most. BUT I want to please her as well, doing what she likes.

In fact, I've really only tried very little spanking. But my lack of experience and a little of fear to hurt her made me come for some suggestion.

I like the suggestions of other kinds of Pain Play that Sebastian gave. I'll really search about these and maybe try one or some.

I thought about Canes, as well. What do you think? As here in Brazil it's a little hard to find Rattan (I could Import, though), I thought about a Nylon Cane. Yay or Nay?

I'm also trying to learn some Bondage. I really think it could Add Up to our relationship.

We talk a lot. A LOT. But as we're far away, the learning curve is a little different, and I keep on thinking and planning what we could do next time we're together.

I know it won't do any good to try and "out-do" the other master she used to have. But we're building something non-BDSM as well, and once she brought up the subject. I got so jealous. I just want to give her something she would like.

When I asked about the thinks I could ask her to do, I was just thinking about this things "sillylittlepet" said.

Humiliation is, indeed easier than pain play when in LD. However, I'm looking for some "silly tasks", nothing much. One would say I could tell her to use a buttplug all day long. But as I said, she hates anal play.

Once she went to a party, and I wanted her to do something she wouldn't "forget" me. I told her to get some floss, make it a Slipknot and put it around her nipples, enough to remeber they are there, not to stop blood circulation. I know this isn't much, but she told me she liked it. And I like the fact that even 300 miles away, we can have this, and she would do it for me. Plus, I guess that with time I can have new (and maybe harder) ideas.

We don't use to have many "distant plays" (with Skype, Messenger, Cam, etc", but next time we do... I'm REALLY gonna use some of this suggestions given by sillylittlepet.

Thanks a TON!!

Harder Spanking and LD BDSM - Tips, Please

Felipe

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

sillylittlepet

Active Member

Felipe

New Member

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