Assuming you do want a live BDSM playmate, as opposed to internet play, My experience has been I must use honey to attract the players. Not that I want to deplete my store of honey, its simply this, If you havent had physical contact with a real live playmate in say a year...more or less..well..I feel thats pretty clear. There must be at least 10,000 guys for every lady who is seeking BDSM play. Tough odds for sure. Now for the Brad Pitts and George Clooneys of the world, no problem, if you play for the NBA same same, but sadly most of us are not and do not. I long ago, used a variety of avenues to contact players, usually married ladies who wanted George or Brad as "friends". and after talking a bit on line, I agreed, I was kinda average and not the handsome 6-4 stud they hoped for, I suggested maybe I could visit if I brought with me a jar of honey...well guess what, a few thought that might work. And it did and does. Not to say its the answer, just as the years go by..and your sexual social calender remains unused, its something you may wish to reconsider.