Dominate trianing/how to from the bottom

EZRA · Dec 15, 2009

Hi fellow pervs
I know it's been a while, but I have been struggling with a lot of life issues at the same time.
It truly sucks, If your going to have issues take it from me ,do it one at a time.

Any way I'm posting to get the collective wisdom on training a Dominate from the bottom.
I will give you the outline.

1.New Dominate, her enjoyment of it is self evident and so while I can't be absolutely 100% sure. I'm very positive she enjoys it.

2. She won't socialize and won't talk to others because she is a very private person and strongly feels that this is no one elses business but our own.
(I hope that will change but for now it's pretty set in stone)

and this brings us to me.
I have tried to get her to read(screw the roses,S&M 101)
she smiles thanks me for the books and then they rot beside the bed.

So I'm going to have to lead her to it.
Which is hard as I am too close to the situation to be objective and patient.
(you know subs)
I am making an effort to be both of these things but emotions get in the away.
I am making an effort to be the best sub I know how. (read The Bottoming Book)
Good read by the way was very helpful to me and informative.
I have been told that this reluctance is not uncommon in Dom's and that has made me feel better, but of course I'm still impatient.

So any help and advice you lovely people can provide will be greatly appreciated.
(except "just be patient")

Thanks

subspace · Dec 16, 2009

Hi EZRA!!!
So happy to see you back!!

Sparrow69 · Dec 16, 2009

glad to have you back.

GreyMac · Dec 16, 2009

Ezra, how much direct and forthright discussion has there been, as you so eloquently put it in another post, "outside of contract"?

You write clearly and have a well-developed sense of humor, that combination is almost always an indicator of a person with above average intelligence. Plus you rate very highly with subspace and that is certainly a strong recomendation as to your character, but I have to ask the obvious question because I do know how subs can be; non-confrontational, people-pleasers, 'just-wait-and-it'll-get-better', etc.

Has there been a real sit-down with her about this matter?

EZRA · Dec 16, 2009

hahahahahah......you have me dead to rights Grey, and I am blushing.

You also rate highly with subspace and that is enough for me to trust and like someone.

and my answer to the question is ........yes and no.
We have had talks and discussions, but I can't push her in this manner.
typically I have to wait for an opening and for her to be in the mood to talk.
and it is usually me doing all the talking.I'm not as good verbally as I am writing
This is partly why I'm asking for help, it's falling to me to direct this "show"
But always at her sufferance.
She is really very Dominate and it's perfectly evil to make me responsible for this.
I have to control my self very closely or she won't "play"
not get too excited,not push, know what she wants not be told.
aaaaaaaaaaarrrrge!
thinking about it this way I wonder if I'm the one being trained in a very subtle and evil way.
She is as inteligent as me if not more.
I really belive what I'm dealing with is a misconception of what BDSM is about ,
In the last couple of days I have been gently talking about the cathartic relese that is possible, and how you can deal with pain full emotions or vent stress by delivering a good beating.
as long as I know what is coming I can deal with it.
This seems to have her attention and I think the light went on in her head.
She at one point said "really? you can do that?" so I'm convinced that up to now she has been only thinking in terms that this is just all about sex.
SO maybe I am getting somewhere.
I hope.

subspace · Dec 16, 2009

GreyMac said:
you rate very highly with subspace and that is certainly a strong recomendation as to your character

EZRA said:
You also rate highly with subspace and that is enough for me to trust and like someone.

You guys are the best!
Damn I'm lucky!

GreyMac · Dec 16, 2009

EZRA said:
"... but I can't push her in this manner.
typically I have to wait for an opening and for her to be in the mood to talk.
and it is usually me doing all the talking...But always at her sufferance.
I have to control my self very closely or she won't "play"
not get too excited,not push, know what she wants [without being] told.
In the last couple of days I have been gently talking about the cathartic relese that is possible, and how you can deal with pain full emotions or vent stress by delivering a good beating...
as long as I know what is coming I can deal with it.
This seems to have her attention and I think the light went on in her head.
SO maybe I am getting somewhere.
I hope.

Do you realize that the essence of this paragragh is you saying that you should "just be patient"?

Perhaps a letter or an essay? Could you write something that epresses how and what you feel? Even if you don't give it to her it will make YOU feel better just to get all those feelings out where you can look at them. Then perhaps you can rearrange and prioritize those feelings with a little more clarity. I'm sympathetic to your plight, Ezra. I hope you can work your way through it.

Pretty, You are My Girl!

EZRA · Dec 17, 2009

yea..yea I know

It has been a great help for me to work through this with subspace.
In more ways than I can count we are so much alike,so it's easy for her to see and understand where I am at, when I don't.
But I think your idea is a good one, my mind dose get cluttered, and I know from past experiance that writing stuff down helps me focus.
Thanks for caring, and taking time to help me of course I'm still waiting for that magic thing that will instantly turn her into the Dom of my dreams.

Dominate trianing/how to from the bottom

EZRA

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