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Hello everyone - first time post, I've just found this board 
I have a question, which may be kind of wordy, I will try very hard to make sense, and will greatly appreciate any insights! I'm going a little crazy, and don't know who to ask for advice.
First of all, I can't say that I have ever actually been involved in any kind of BDSM lifestyle. There have been periods where I'd take up a short-lived interest in the subject (as a submissive) but my relationships have always been pretty much vanilla. I have had a fantasy for most of my life of being held down and being treated very roughly during sex, and over the past six months began to have this fantasy every single night.
Well, about two weeks ago, on a Saturday night, I was out with friends and I decided I wanted to go home with this man...I've known him for about a month, and we've talked a few times, and he flirted from the start, but that particular night my attraction to him grew to be unbearably strong and I went back to his place. I wasn't sure what to expect, but, he completely and totally fulfilled my wildest fantasy. Now, being treated roughly during sex is something I never wanted to have to BRING UP to any sexual partner...because I didn't want it to be like a role-play, I wanted it to just happen naturally. And so, this time, it happened naturally. I don't know if he was able to read me and could tell that is what I wanted, or if he is just a very dominant man (he does seem that way). Anyway, it was INCREDIBLE, just unbelievable.
Since then I have become just absolutely obsessed with wanting to be submissive, and wanting to be his slave. I never even realized how strong my submissive desires were until I met him. Probably because I've never been involved with a man like him. Oddly enough, even though I've always known I have a more submissive personality, I've almost always been the more dominant person in my relationships.
After that night, we have spent another night together this past weekend, but there was no sex involved because he was tired so we just hung out and watched a movie. I'm not sure how to explain what I'm trying to ask...it's like, a few times he has ordered me to do something, or had me ask permission before I've done something, and I just LOVE that...love it so much...but the thing is I don't know how to express that. With some things, I'm not sure if he's just kidding around or not. I kind of laugh most of it off, because I don't want to come off as too eager to be slave-like. And I don't know if he's being serious with some of the stuff, or joking or half-joking. So I most just act like "Yeah, right, sure" when really I would love to do the things he tells me to do. I am partly afraid as coming off as desperate and pathetic, when really I am just aching to be totally submissive.
I guess what I'm asking is, how do you know if someone is trying to be dominant, or is a dom, and how do you express that you want to be submissive? I seriously want to just go up to him and say "I want to be your slave." But then, I could look like I'm just this pathetic loser.
Sorry to sound hoplessly naive...I know so little about all of this. I can provide more information if you need it...
I have a question, which may be kind of wordy, I will try very hard to make sense, and will greatly appreciate any insights! I'm going a little crazy, and don't know who to ask for advice.
First of all, I can't say that I have ever actually been involved in any kind of BDSM lifestyle. There have been periods where I'd take up a short-lived interest in the subject (as a submissive) but my relationships have always been pretty much vanilla. I have had a fantasy for most of my life of being held down and being treated very roughly during sex, and over the past six months began to have this fantasy every single night.
Well, about two weeks ago, on a Saturday night, I was out with friends and I decided I wanted to go home with this man...I've known him for about a month, and we've talked a few times, and he flirted from the start, but that particular night my attraction to him grew to be unbearably strong and I went back to his place. I wasn't sure what to expect, but, he completely and totally fulfilled my wildest fantasy. Now, being treated roughly during sex is something I never wanted to have to BRING UP to any sexual partner...because I didn't want it to be like a role-play, I wanted it to just happen naturally. And so, this time, it happened naturally. I don't know if he was able to read me and could tell that is what I wanted, or if he is just a very dominant man (he does seem that way). Anyway, it was INCREDIBLE, just unbelievable.
Since then I have become just absolutely obsessed with wanting to be submissive, and wanting to be his slave. I never even realized how strong my submissive desires were until I met him. Probably because I've never been involved with a man like him. Oddly enough, even though I've always known I have a more submissive personality, I've almost always been the more dominant person in my relationships.
After that night, we have spent another night together this past weekend, but there was no sex involved because he was tired so we just hung out and watched a movie. I'm not sure how to explain what I'm trying to ask...it's like, a few times he has ordered me to do something, or had me ask permission before I've done something, and I just LOVE that...love it so much...but the thing is I don't know how to express that. With some things, I'm not sure if he's just kidding around or not. I kind of laugh most of it off, because I don't want to come off as too eager to be slave-like. And I don't know if he's being serious with some of the stuff, or joking or half-joking. So I most just act like "Yeah, right, sure" when really I would love to do the things he tells me to do. I am partly afraid as coming off as desperate and pathetic, when really I am just aching to be totally submissive.
I guess what I'm asking is, how do you know if someone is trying to be dominant, or is a dom, and how do you express that you want to be submissive? I seriously want to just go up to him and say "I want to be your slave." But then, I could look like I'm just this pathetic loser.
Sorry to sound hoplessly naive...I know so little about all of this. I can provide more information if you need it...
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