This is long, sorry, but I want to make sure I'm completely understood... 41-yo male. Been married for 12 years. A couple years prior to getting married I found myself interested in Dominance and Submission roleplay (me being submissive.) I run two businesses and handle all the complicated responsibilities and decisions in both my businesses and our personal lives (planning vacations, incestments, etc.) I've found being dominated is excellent 'down time' where I let someone else "do the driving" so to speak - it is very therapeutic for me. I've also developed some other fetishes since being married, but they all seem to revolve around being controlled such as forced panty sniffing and even I've found hypnosis to be a potentially fantastic addition. My wife and I have had a good sexual relationship, better than most the married couples I know as far as I can tell, and she knows of my fetishes. However, although she has never refused to participate, she doesn't have the same enthusiasm for them, or maybe more accurately, she doesn't have the type of personality then gives her the self-confidence she needs to think she can participate to the level that satisfies me. In a nutshell, although she is open to my fetishes and they don't bother her per say, she's not very comfortable with engaging in them. Don't get me wrong. I'm not some selfish bastard. I'd only wish to have something other than "vanilla" sex maybe once every 4 or 5 times we have sex. But it seems like it is once every 8-10 times and it always falls short of my hopes - although I don't express that as to not hurt her feelings, I think she knows I'm not completely satisfied anyway. To make matters more difficult, she herself doesn't have much out of the ordinary (at least that I know of) that she desires so there's not much opportunity for give and take regarding fetish fulfillment. This makes me feel very shy/guilty for asking for more than the ocassional 69 position or very rare light bondage and/or facesitting, etc. etc. As years have gone by the marriage has lost some luster as pretty much every marriage does, especially with kids at home. Other aspects of my life have become very stressful and the sex/fetish fantasy fulfillment is a huge release for me in coping with the stress. As a result, I have started to feel more disappointed that we're not walking a little more on the wild side. These outside stresses have effected me and the marriage (careers, finances, and feeling inequity in the general overall responsibilities of taking care of the family) to the point we are seeing a marriage counselor. We didn't go to the counselor due to sex issues but the more I think about it, the more it may be an underlying cause of discontent with myself that is in turn effecting the relationship. Currently , the major thing though we are working on with the marriage counselor is better communication as that seems to be the major source of our marital issues and interestingly after 6 sessions, we haven't even discussed this sex mismatch issue. But communication has improved and that has improved the relationship - hence the recent more frank talk about sex and fetishes/role play, etc. which brings me here today. My wife and I discussed it more today and I really came out with how I was feeling and that I'm really tired of feeling lonely by trying to satisfy my desires through fantasy when I'm not really looking for anything totally crazy, and she agrees it isn't totally crazy which is why she's never flat out said no, I'll never do that. We love each other and she loves me to the point today she said if I though we should see a sex therapist she would be fine with that - repeat, SHE suggested a sex therapist might be a wise option, not me. But is a sex therapist really what we need? I mean, we both are still turned on by each other and have no problem making each other have an orgasm, and our frequency is probably 2-3 times a week which blows away most of our other married friends? It seems to me maybe doing a couples sessions with a professional Dominatrix is more what we need than a Sex Therapist but I know she would be very apprehensive about seeing a Pro Dominatrix (maybe not though - I may be surprised). Or am I off base about the typical roles a Sex Therapist plays? It seems what we need is coaching while actually performing the various activities as opposed to talking about how one another feel, or maybe talk first, coach second? Anyone been in this situation? Anyone can suggest what might be the most efficient use of our time and/or money regarding getting some help? I've bought her a couple books and videos, all the necessary props, etc., but she seems to lose interest or possibly even forgets all the things we have! Help!