I need a mentor

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by lonelyMaster, Apr 24, 2011.

  1. lonelyMaster

    lonelyMaster New Member

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    I think I need a mentor to help me learn to DOM properly. I have always been interested in BDSM elements, most notably bondage and humiliation (of my partner). I haven't been with any partners that have been into this. I'm now dating a girl who is very into BDSM and has had a few Daddy Doms before. I started this thread explaining some of my problems with her: http://www.smplace.com/forum/554779-my-gf-the-stubborn-sub.html

    The situation is very odd to me because she is SO INCREDIBLY defiant of me all the time. I feel sometimes that she is testing me and wants me to literally jump on her, subdue her and show her my primal instincts to dominate. However it seems like the occasions I choose to exemplify that she continues to fight me and say stop (so i stop... and wonder if im really supposed to stop). Other times when I'm more passive, I'm pretty sure it turns her off quite a bit.

    I need an experienced Dom to help teach me when is the right time to be that dominant and HOW to go about it specifically. I know that I can train this girl with the right guidance, but the guessing game I've been playing hasn't shown any great results so far. She constantly refuses to give me oral when I demand it and semi-force it on her, she refuses sex in general except when she is fully in the mood, and lately she even enjoys mocking me (playfully), putting me down, and biting/pinching me (as if to provoke me to exert me power over her finallly).

    Any takers? I do believe we have a very interesting dynamic when I share more details about it. I have many specific scenarios and questions to be answered. It could be fun and I would consider sharing naughty pics of me hopefully soon-to-be sub, if you can teach me how to use her properly.

    (lastly I should add that when we finally do have sex, she becomes EXTREMELY submissive, lets me call her anything I want (which i love), repeats any degrading phrases I ask her too, and lets me tie her up and use her to my complete pleasure.... however anything outside of her own horniness doesn't fly with her...which i would of course like to change)
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    2 points. 1) Talk to her. Ask her to help you understand what she needs and wants. You can't have successful BDSM without some communication, and usually a lot is required.

    2) Give her a safe word to signal when she actually wants you to stop. Make it clear that she needs to use it when she wants you to stop. Then assume she will use, and be aggressive with her unless she's using it. Safe words are as much for the dom as for the sub.

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