confused, please help.

ani · Sep 11, 2010

thank you izrail...

well, we agreed on monogamous, regular testing.
safeword was set at the beginning but after being "owned"... that was taken away. he said he'll deem what's fit with respect and consideration of my hard limits, which were also discussed.

he also had rules for me... but they were never stick through by him.. ie they change every time he visits...

i must say initially i have learnt alot about myself..
just the emotional availability and trust were absent from him..
so i guess like everyone said.. he's not the right dom for me

kajmir · Sep 11, 2010

I'm really new, but the one thing that strikes me again and again is you question trusting him.
Trust is everything. To me it sounds like you got some puppy love for your first "dom" whatever type of dom he may be. (It sounds like something I easily could have found myself doing, so I mean no disrespect) I agree, you should go out and experiment with other dom's...see the differences etc.

And L8nightQ's post should be stickied for numberous reasons including: saftey, clearification, a bit of a warning for those who are really new to this.

sebastian · Sep 11, 2010

Izrail, your advice is really on target. You may be comparatively inexperienced, but you clearly understand the important stuff. And Kaj is right about how critical trust is.

Ani, don't feel like you're the only person who's ever had a bad d/s experience. Doms take advantage of subs; it's easy for them to do, especially inexperienced subs. And subs take advantage of doms as well. Many doms want to 'rescue' or 'heal' their sub, and that allows subs to milk them for money, emotional support, and things like that. My first sub had a very complex tangle of psychological issues and couldn't give me the room I needed to develop into the dom I really was--he kept pushing me to the uberdom Prince of Darkness, and then suddenly decided I wasn't aggressive enough for him. It left me rather hurt and confused. So bdsm is as full of screwed up relationships as vanilla life is. But the flip side is that it's filled with as many wonderful and deeply satisfying relationships as vanilla life is as well.

ani · Sep 12, 2010

Kajmir.. maybe u are right...

well, thank you all for the support .. really..
this expereince, although a bad one.. has made me learnt alot.
I'm glad this forum exists, otherwise I might have just trapped myself in for indefinite period of time instead of exploring more!

I'm feeling a little better now... been going on chatrooms and learn from others as well... and everyone else think the same as u all do.

starting afresh

confused, please help.

ani

New Member

kajmir

Member

sebastian

Active Member

ani

New Member

Similar threads