Hi everyone, I am in my early 20s and started exploring BDSM at the beginning of this year. I found this Master through internet, we've met up. I am attracted to his intellect, his ability to expressed his thoughts, the way he uses his eyes and soft voice to dominate over me. It's been hard on my side to truly submit to him although i really want to and i think of him everyday. He comes and goes whenever he wants. There is no way that i can contact him because his phone is either engaged, turned off or he doesn't pick them up. He said that he has bought me a collar and i am the first sub that he's ever wanted to collar. He said that i have to earn the collar. I haven't seen the collar before. I don't know if he actually bought it. Everytime we meet, we'll always have a sex with him dominating me (choking me, tying a rope around my neck and lead me around, spank my bottom) Sometimes I wonder if he's really a Master or he just wants someone to have sex with when he wants to. But he said that it's not about sex. He knows that i am not fully comfortable with my body and sex as a whole and he said he is breaking me down and rebuilding. I am willing to be guided that way but his coming and going whenever he wants to" breeds doubts in my head. Is this how Dom behave? Is it right for me to expect him to be what a partner is like in a vanilla relationship with bdsm component added to it?