Advice from Dom please...Dom fatigue?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Trikkisub, Feb 15, 2012.

  1. Trikkisub

    Trikkisub New Member

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    I am new to this site and fairly new to the scene (although I always new I was sub it took me a long time to find the right partner) and my Dom is the same.
    We are both very comfortable and getting more confident all the time, however, my Dom says even simple scenes take a lot out of him.
    I am wondering if this is due to our inexperience or if this is normal?
    Any advice greatly welcomed with thanks x
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    A really good BDSM session can take a lot of energy. I've had 8 hours go by as if they were 2. And some aspects of domming can be quite tiring, such as using a flogger. Improperly used, a flogger can really tire out a dom's arm (tip--it should use the wrist more than the elbow).

    BDSM is power exchange, and when it's really clicking, it's also energy exchange. The dom and sub are feeding off each other's arousal and energy to keep the scene going. So as the sub, think about your role in this. Are you being passive and just lying there and letting him do his thing to you, or are you playing into your arousal? Are you making noise, struggling against the ropes, begging him to stop or go harder, showing him your enthusiasm when you suck him, and so on? He might not want you to do all that (some doms want a more passive sub), but if he hasn't told you not to do that, try being more dynamic and giving him clear evidence of your arousal. Don't fake your orgasm or anything like that, but think about your performance of the role of sub.

    He might also mean that he's experiencing Dom Drop. Being dominant can be quite a rush. The sense of power and control can be exhilarating, especially when everything is clicking, and once the scene ends, the dom has to come down and accept that he's not going to feel that power again until the next session. For some doms that's sort of a let-down, an unwelcome return to reality, and it feel like a brief bout of depression. If that's what he means by 'taking a lot out of him', you two might discussion wants to soften the landing--maybe once the aftercare is done, you spent the rest of the night serving him (doing his chores or making him a meal or massaging his feet--whatever non-sexual service he might want--to show him that you appreciate his effort and to help him ease back into equality with you. Or perhaps if you both feel that drop, you might consider exploring some element of 24/7.

    Every BDSM couple is different. If your dom feels a drop in energy after playing, it's normal for you, even if it's not normal for every dom. I wouldn't say it's typical though.
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  3. Trikkisub

    Trikkisub New Member

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    Thanks :)
    I'm allowed to show enthusiasm and usually do ;) so I think maybe your right about the Dom drop, we live together so it could also just be a build up of tiredness, I guess either way he'll be happy with a massage and cuddles :)
    Thanks again, much appreciated x

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