s&m beginner: need advice on my dom please!

Sabrina.x. · Oct 21, 2012

Hi!

I'm quite new to all of this and I really need some advice. I was talking to my Dom yesterday for the 4th time on webcam, after a month-long break. He orgasmed really early on, like within 5 minutes of webcam, and before I had come. He then he basically said that he had to go get ready to go out, and I had to wait an hour to come. I didn't have a problem with the last part, but I thought it was kind of upsetting that he left after I'd basically fulfilled my purpose so-to-speak.
I don't know, maybe I'm being oversensitive. Is what happened a normal thing? Or was that actually quite dickish of him?

Thanks for your advice xx

Smallest · Oct 21, 2012

It can be a normal thing in some relationships and isn't abnormal for a dom to do, but if it's something that bothers you on a deeper level than 'I'll do things to please him, like it or not', it shouldn't be happening for you. He also should have told you before play, in my opinion, that he would be leaving, not sprung it on you- at least not this early in the game, when you're still learning about eachother.

sebastian · Oct 22, 2012

Some doms very intentionally de-privilege their sub's orgasm, or deny it completely, either for training purposes or because it arouses them to control a sub that way. So it's a reasonable thing for a dom to do to a sub. However, as Smallest said, if it makes you unhappy, you should negotiate with the dom to not do that.

Sabrina.x. · Oct 22, 2012

sebastian said:
Some doms very intentionally de-privilege their sub's orgasm, or deny it completely, either for training purposes or because it arouses them to control a sub that way. So it's a reasonable thing for a dom to do to a sub. However, as Smallest said, if it makes you unhappy, you should negotiate with the dom to not do that.

Hi! Yeah, if he had done it because it aroused him or to control me I wouldn't have minded, but I don't think that was the reason. I think he really just had planned to go out and hadn't told me... Almost like 'yep I got what I came for, and now I'm off'

Thanks for your reply!

Sabrina.x. · Oct 22, 2012

Smallest said:
It can be a normal thing in some relationships and isn't abnormal for a dom to do, but if it's something that bothers you on a deeper level than 'I'll do things to please him, like it or not', it shouldn't be happening for you. He also should have told you before play, in my opinion, that he would be leaving, not sprung it on you- at least not this early in the game, when you're still learning about eachother.

Hi, thank you for your response! So do you reckon I should say something then? Thanks

Smallest · Oct 22, 2012

Yes, you should. Communication is the most important thing in BDSM, and he won't know it bothered you otherwise. It might lead to it not happening again, or at least to a discussion of a 'better' way to do it in the future. And tell him what you said to Sebastian in your last post, that it didn't feel like it was a dominance thing.

s&m beginner: need advice on my dom please!

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