What got YOU into BDSM?

Noobsubbot · May 8, 2010

hmmm I'm similar to all of your guys, but different I guess...

I started my sexual experiences by reading (Yes I'm a book nerd) and most of it was either abusive sex or rough sex etc... I ate it up like there was no tomorrow (We're talking 2-3 hour masturbation sessions here while reading)... Then I stumbled across the Lirotica site and found the BDSM category... Thinking it was something I would hate, I started reading a series called Valerie by Dweaver999.... OMG it blew my mind... Then I wanted to experiement and see if the stories could be transferred into real life... and here I am.. Learning about it before I dive head first in... though the strangest thing is, the stories that give me the best release are the ones that scare me the most to try... for me that is anal play... I'm absolutely terrified of it... hehe

It's always been about the books for me... the stories and the suspense... I'm slighty ashamed when my parents come round because 90% of my book collection is sexually fuelled...

sebastian · May 8, 2010

My route to BDSM was very different than most of these stories, because I haven't always fantasized about it. I was the socially ostracized fat kid in grade school and high school. I went to a conservative Lutheran school, so I couldn't contemplate being gay (and this was the 80s anyway, when coming out took real guts). So I just didn't explore sex at all--I was a virgin until I was 27. I finally came to terms with being gay in the early 90s, when I was in grad school. But I still couldn't get laid because I was too uptight and heavy set.

But in grad school two developments happened. I started doing phone sex regularly with a cop. I had always been attracted to cops and for three years, this guy and I played out an enormous range of fantasies: romance, seduction, dominance, and so on. But I never thought of any of this as BDSM. It was just something that got me hard. The other thing was that one of my brothers gave me a copy of Mr Benson, the seminal gay BDSM novel by Robert Preston. Anyone on this site who's gay out to read it. It structured the gay BDSM scene. I enjoyed part of the novel a good deal, but mostly identified with the sub, from whose perspective most of the story is told. This taught me a little about BDSM, but it never really occurred to me that it meant that I might be into BDSM--there were certainly parts of the novel that I thought were gross and extreme, so I guess I assumed that meant that I wasn't really into that stuff. And the few people I knew who were into BDSM were mostly assholes, users, or posers.

Just out of grad school, I started an 8 year relationship with my ex-husband. He had a lot of emotional issues around sex. He was very controlling about sex, and always had to initiate it. He needed me to be more or less passive. Never made any noises of pleasure or appreciation and would get mad if I asked him if he enjoyed it or thanked him for it. He couldn't bottom for me at all. Eventually, just about three years ago, he suddenly dumped me. During this period, if you had asked me about this stuff, I would probably have said I was mildly submissive.

After two years of severe depression, I finally started climbing out of my hole, and began working out, and lost about 45 lbs or so. All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, guys were telling me I was attractive and asking to sleep with me. I started learning that I enjoyed being aggressive during sex. I realized I was much more of a top than a bottom. But it still didn't occur to me that this was related to BDSM at all.

This last December, I was chatting online with a really hot guy who suddenly offered himself to me as a sex slave. Once I figured out what he was really offering, I got wildly turned on. When I started thinking about why I having such an intense reaction to his offer, I had my Dominance Epiphany. Like a bolt out off the blue, I suddenly realized I was a dominant. Over the two months of mostly IM chat, 'Alex' pushed me to explore pretty much the darkest recesses of my mind because I wanted to meet his deepest fantasies. That relationship collapsed pretty quickly, in part because Alex has very complicated issues (why do I get really complicated fucked-up guys?), but he had set me on the path to dominance, and here I am now.

InnocentFacade · May 8, 2010

Tumbl3 said:
\ I'm ashamed to say I believed the stereotyped crap and told myself I would NEVER be into that stuff

Don't be ashamed at all. Unfortunately the media and "urban legends" (for lack of a better term) have portrayed BDSM as an evil, cruel, non-consensual lifestyle. If you try telling a lot of people that in a real, healthy D/s relationship IS consensual, they'll claim the sub is brainwashed and experiencing a form of Stockholm. Unfortunately, unless everyone experiences a positive D/s relationship (which I'm not naive enough to believe IS appropriate for everyone, btw), those stereotypes won't go away.

And most unfortunately, like in vanilla relationships, there certainly are instances of abuse.

Summary of IF's ramblings: Don't be ashamed, you've moved over to the dark side now- Welcome, we have jackets . . . and collars

Psyclapse · May 8, 2010

Like others, seeing cartoons or movies where someone was tied up used to arouse me before I even knew what arousal was. Then my first porn mag happened to be a latex/rubber fetish and my fate was sealed.

I spent about ten years after that figuring out the rest. Thank God for the internet. Was I was gay or straight, submissive or dominant? I had aspects of each in me and ended up going down the wrong path a few times!

The older I got the more obvious it became that I was a dominant, bisexual cross-dresser. I've since got married to a wonderful woman and the journey continues.

Sado_Dom · May 9, 2010

There's nothing to be afraid of with anal. As long as you're with someone that knows what they're doing

Tumbl3 · May 9, 2010

InnocentFacade said:
Don't be ashamed at all. Unfortunately the media and "urban legends" (for lack of a better term) have portrayed BDSM as an evil, cruel, non-consensual lifestyle. If you try telling a lot of people that in a real, healthy D/s relationship IS consensual, they'll claim the sub is brainwashed and experiencing a form of Stockholm. Unfortunately, unless everyone experiences a positive D/s relationship (which I'm not naive enough to believe IS appropriate for everyone, btw), those stereotypes won't go away.

And most unfortunately, like in vanilla relationships, there certainly are instances of abuse.

Summary of IF's ramblings: Don't be ashamed, you've moved over to the dark side now- Welcome, we have jackets . . . and collars

I like collars ^^ and you're right, I shouldn't be ashamed. I was just raised very christian lol, so a lot has changed about me now that I've gotten out on my own. In fact I didn't even know what I was doing was called masturbating until the middle of high school.

sillylittlepet · May 9, 2010

man phone sex with a cop is like exchanging steamy looks with a nun
or having a nazi woman crack a whip at you, or having a good looking transexual invite you over for a drink

its like living out a fantasy!

Thanks misso. I used to feel kind of weird about being some sort of sex fiend even from an early age, but I've just embraced it XD

sebastian · May 9, 2010

Yeah, Grant was the first guy that I ever really explored my sexual desires with in a serious fashion. He really helped me accept myself as a sexual being. And yes, we did a lot of what in retrospect was d/s play.

Maso: thank you. you're very kind.

Ruelee · May 9, 2010

Mine was a bit simpler. I started having a few nightmares at one point that involved BDSM-esque stuff, and in finding out about it, I stumbled over a few articles about it, my curiosity, never easilly curbed, got me interested. It was like opening the door to an entire new world. The nightmares stopped being so nightmarish once I realised I liked them.
I didn't really get actually into BSDM as such until I sort of hesitantly brought it up with master, and we're still taking it slow, working on it and trying things at our own pace.

sillylittlepet · May 9, 2010

dont worry, food is on my mind all the time!

I just combine the two parts of your name, I'm glad you noticed XD

What got YOU into BDSM?

Noobsubbot

New Member

sebastian

Active Member

InnocentFacade

Member

Psyclapse

New Member

Sado_Dom

Member

Tumbl3

Member

sillylittlepet

Active Member

sebastian

Active Member

Ruelee

Member

sillylittlepet

Active Member

Similar threads