What got YOU into BDSM?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by maso_missive, May 7, 2010.

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  1. maso_missive

    maso_missive Guest

    .....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 19, 2011
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  2. BernieD

    BernieD Member

    For some reason, i always liked control. Very often i fantasized about having a willing slave, but to me it was just like dreaming about having sex with blue aliens for example, something that doesn't exist.

    Around the beginning of 2010, i was looking at news site as usual (i think it was digg.com) and found an article about a women that calling herself a feminist but that was into submission. I didn't think much of it at first, but it just so happened that i found another article about a similar subject (think it was a link to a blog). It made me realize that this sort of things might just exist. I looked around on the net and found out that this was called "BDSM".

    Just like mazo, i have no experience in it. In my case however, i dont really intend to ever experience it, but i still find it interesting to read about it.
     
  3. Sado_Dom

    Sado_Dom Member

    I've known about BDSM for several years. I have been interested in it for a while. I first learned about it through erotic stories between doms and subs, and I searched somewhat further about it learning about the different relationships there are between the top and bottom.
    Someone I used to know would ask to be my slave for roleplay, and at that time I saw myself as being able to be both Master or slave. I also found that less than a year ago I have subtle sadistic tendencies.
    It wasn't until several months ago that someone really got me into BDSM, and ever since I constantly crave to go 24/7 into the lifestyle. I still have no real experience in BDSM unfortunately; however, I hope things will work out how I want them to.
     
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  4. I've always been a sub / had sub tendencies. When I was 12 (yeah, I know, I know), I was giving my then boyfriend a blowjob and I asked him to force my head to his cock and MAKE me suck him. He was appalled by that (though he had no problem holding my wrists above my head after I made "cuffs" out of my hair bands and fucking my mouth) and I thought there was something WAY wrong with me. After almost 2 years with him, I upgraded and got a new boyfriend who was great but wasn't into anything sexual at all, so I found myself searching online for porn and chat sites. I ran across a guy somehow, who told me he was something called a "Dominant". A dominant, I thought. How interesting. I talked to him for a long time (I still speak with him occasionally actually), and he took me under his wing, so to speak, and was, for all intents and purposes, my Dom for a good year or so.

    So after all that rambling, in short, my answer is that nothing "got me into" BDSM . . . I got myself into this lifestyle.

    Does anyone ever end up wondering what vanilla people are like? It seems like such a boring existence . . .
     
  5. Sado_Dom

    Sado_Dom Member

    When my friend got me into BDSM I could still see myself able to live out a vanilla life, but at this point it's difficult to imagine forcing myself to remain vanilla.
     
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  6. sluttysub

    sluttysub Member

    For as long as I can remember, starting with my very first fantasies, I always imagined myself being raped. Never by anyone I knew or anything, I would be a virgin princess or something, lol. As I got older and actually began to have sexual experiences, the fantasy stayed, and actually grew stronger. I never flat out told my high school boyfriend my full fantasy, but I hinted at it and we played around with it, tying me up, rough sex, etc. I always felt guily about the fantasy though, wondering what kind of sick person could actually get off on being raped. As I gained more access to the internet, I began discovering bdsm through porn and erotic stories and chat rooms. Gradually, I realized, it wasn't so much the rape portion of the fantasy that got me off, but the s/m and the feeling of being controlled. I continued looking, reading and researching until I finally understood the workings of D/s relationships. I did a lot of soul searching, and looking back, I was able to start connecting the dots, from my submissive tendencies, to the desire to be controlled, to the enjoyment of erotic pain. It took a while to accept and reconcile the feelings and desires I had with the way I had been raised, but once I did (and found you guys) I was able to really take my first step into this world.

    So basically, I've been this way all my life, it's how I'm wired. :)
     
  7. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    ^^ I kinda knew about it beforehand (but as the stereotyped stuff. I'm ashamed to say I believed the stereotyped crap and told myself I would NEVER be into that stuff - and here we are), but I really didn't get into it until my boyfriend introduced me. I've been easing my way into being a domme, and have found that I enjoy it. I could never be a sub.

    I'm really glad I've found this forum. It's taught me so much.
     
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  8. BernieD

    BernieD Member

    I guess i didn't really think before posting. Should have omitted the last 2 lines... heh!

    Well, to make a short answer, i have nothing in particular against BDSM relationship nor am i ashamed of being interested in it. I simply have a problem with RELATIONSHIPS all together. I am probably the single most anti sociable living being on this planet. For me to simply consider the possibility of ever being close to another human being is absolutely unthinkable.

    As for whether or not reading stuff here increase those feeling, i really dont know. I always had those thoughts and fantasies. But i've pretty much learned to completely ignore all my feelings anyway (not just my interest in BDSM), so it doesn't really bother me.
     
  9. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Oho, oho I have thought long and hard about this, and I've been waiting for the right moment to share it with everyone! >: D

    Before I was really conscious of it, I was really drawn to dominatrices. I know I'm mentioned it like a hundred times but I saw a lot of films where Lucy Liu wears leather and acts like a hardass. I didnt know why at the time, but I couldnt get enough of those scenes!

    Ever since I became sexually aware I've had some kind of sub tendencies. My "boyfriend" in middle school was really emotionally abusive and he humiliated me a lot, and even though it reaaallly pissed me off I kind of craved it. A big part of it was the attention, I eat attention up like candy, and his mean behavior was the best kind for me. Now obviously this was unhealthy, but there was nothing as exciting as being pinned against a locker while someone whispers in your ear (tee hee!)

    Then when I dated my second boyfriend I wanted him to be sort of rough with me, but that didn't really out. I was satisfied with the little things though. You know, he would cum on my breasts or grope me. Small stuff.

    Then with a girl I had a little relationship with I asked her to tie me up one time and then I tied her up. But I had no idea what I really wanted so it didnt really work.

    After that it was pretty much just porn with a lot of rough sex until I started dating my current boyfriend and we both confessed are desires for something kinkier.

    yes! My sexual history in a nutshell!
     
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  10. Mr.D

    Mr.D New Member

    A girl I was talking to Told me she was into it. I started to look it up on line and was real curious about it. Took me a few months to try anything. Once I started (self bondage) I just kinda fell in love with it. The more I do the more I like it.
     
  11. Noobsubbot

    Noobsubbot New Member

    hmmm I'm similar to all of your guys, but different I guess...

    I started my sexual experiences by reading (Yes I'm a book nerd) and most of it was either abusive sex or rough sex etc... I ate it up like there was no tomorrow (We're talking 2-3 hour masturbation sessions here while reading)... Then I stumbled across the Lirotica site and found the BDSM category... Thinking it was something I would hate, I started reading a series called Valerie by Dweaver999.... OMG it blew my mind... Then I wanted to experiement and see if the stories could be transferred into real life... and here I am.. Learning about it before I dive head first in... though the strangest thing is, the stories that give me the best release are the ones that scare me the most to try... for me that is anal play... I'm absolutely terrified of it... hehe

    It's always been about the books for me... the stories and the suspense... I'm slighty ashamed when my parents come round because 90% of my book collection is sexually fuelled...
     
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  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    My route to BDSM was very different than most of these stories, because I haven't always fantasized about it. I was the socially ostracized fat kid in grade school and high school. I went to a conservative Lutheran school, so I couldn't contemplate being gay (and this was the 80s anyway, when coming out took real guts). So I just didn't explore sex at all--I was a virgin until I was 27. I finally came to terms with being gay in the early 90s, when I was in grad school. But I still couldn't get laid because I was too uptight and heavy set.

    But in grad school two developments happened. I started doing phone sex regularly with a cop. I had always been attracted to cops and for three years, this guy and I played out an enormous range of fantasies: romance, seduction, dominance, and so on. But I never thought of any of this as BDSM. It was just something that got me hard. The other thing was that one of my brothers gave me a copy of Mr Benson, the seminal gay BDSM novel by Robert Preston. Anyone on this site who's gay out to read it. It structured the gay BDSM scene. I enjoyed part of the novel a good deal, but mostly identified with the sub, from whose perspective most of the story is told. This taught me a little about BDSM, but it never really occurred to me that it meant that I might be into BDSM--there were certainly parts of the novel that I thought were gross and extreme, so I guess I assumed that meant that I wasn't really into that stuff. And the few people I knew who were into BDSM were mostly assholes, users, or posers.

    Just out of grad school, I started an 8 year relationship with my ex-husband. He had a lot of emotional issues around sex. He was very controlling about sex, and always had to initiate it. He needed me to be more or less passive. Never made any noises of pleasure or appreciation and would get mad if I asked him if he enjoyed it or thanked him for it. He couldn't bottom for me at all. Eventually, just about three years ago, he suddenly dumped me. During this period, if you had asked me about this stuff, I would probably have said I was mildly submissive.

    After two years of severe depression, I finally started climbing out of my hole, and began working out, and lost about 45 lbs or so. All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, guys were telling me I was attractive and asking to sleep with me. I started learning that I enjoyed being aggressive during sex. I realized I was much more of a top than a bottom. But it still didn't occur to me that this was related to BDSM at all.

    This last December, I was chatting online with a really hot guy who suddenly offered himself to me as a sex slave. Once I figured out what he was really offering, I got wildly turned on. When I started thinking about why I having such an intense reaction to his offer, I had my Dominance Epiphany. Like a bolt out off the blue, I suddenly realized I was a dominant. Over the two months of mostly IM chat, 'Alex' pushed me to explore pretty much the darkest recesses of my mind because I wanted to meet his deepest fantasies. That relationship collapsed pretty quickly, in part because Alex has very complicated issues (why do I get really complicated fucked-up guys?), but he had set me on the path to dominance, and here I am now.
     
  13. Don't be ashamed at all. Unfortunately the media and "urban legends" (for lack of a better term) have portrayed BDSM as an evil, cruel, non-consensual lifestyle. If you try telling a lot of people that in a real, healthy D/s relationship IS consensual, they'll claim the sub is brainwashed and experiencing a form of Stockholm. Unfortunately, unless everyone experiences a positive D/s relationship (which I'm not naive enough to believe IS appropriate for everyone, btw), those stereotypes won't go away.

    And most unfortunately, like in vanilla relationships, there certainly are instances of abuse.

    Summary of IF's ramblings: Don't be ashamed, you've moved over to the dark side now- Welcome, we have jackets . . . and collars ;)
     
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  14. Psyclapse

    Psyclapse New Member

    Like others, seeing cartoons or movies where someone was tied up used to arouse me before I even knew what arousal was. Then my first porn mag happened to be a latex/rubber fetish and my fate was sealed.

    I spent about ten years after that figuring out the rest. Thank God for the internet. Was I was gay or straight, submissive or dominant? I had aspects of each in me and ended up going down the wrong path a few times!

    The older I got the more obvious it became that I was a dominant, bisexual cross-dresser. I've since got married to a wonderful woman and the journey continues.
     
  15. Sado_Dom

    Sado_Dom Member

    There's nothing to be afraid of with anal. As long as you're with someone that knows what they're doing ;)
     
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