BDSM: What do you love about it

JettOnly · Jan 4, 2012

Lets have a happy thread
What is it you love so much with BDSM
What makes it so much better/different than vannila?

For that matter what do you actually see vannila as? What do you see BDSM as (for you)

Sorry if this is covered in the stickies - I did read them all but I dont remember seeing this

ImperialConditioning · Jan 4, 2012

BDSM never gets boring, especially in a long term relationship. There are always fun things to do. You can express yourself so much more, and I've found that it can be almost spiritual at times if you let it touch you that deep. It's so much more than Dominance and submission, it's communication with an aim to understand the other person on a much deeper level than most people would ever attempt to. I hear about couples all of the time who are afraid to express fantasies and it's such a shame because they're leaving parts of themselves dormant. When you can talk about BDSM with a partner you feel openness, freedom, and acceptance...along with that comes opportunities to indulge in secret kinks that you've been hiding. SO MUCH FUN.

Sally · Jan 4, 2012

bdsm makes me feel safe. when my master is strict with me, I feel loved. for you are angry and strict with those you care about. but being kind and loving, anyone can do, even if the person does not like you. so when I do something wrong (like biting him,) he responds right away and I get butterflies in my stomach. i love the feeling of not getting my way, as an only child, I'm spoiled. but he put me in my place and it makes me happy. I can be pretty sad if I do not have someone to control me. I am very lucky to have found the perfect boyfriend in my Dom.

Many people have had a terrible experience with forced sex, I'm the opposite. be persuaded by someone who thinks he is romantic or hot, but only want one thing. you know it, but give up anyway. eventually it becomes an abuse. I can not have vanilla sex any longer. sorry if it seems sad, but for me it's not it

without it I would not have found the wonderful world of bdsm <3 or my boyfriend.

ImperialConditioning · Jan 4, 2012

^This is nice

JettOnly · Jan 4, 2012

Imp, thats really what my last vannila relationship was like - thats kind of what I am trying to figure out the difference. We didnt do pain but messing about with bondage and stuff - and so of course the one who was doing the tying up was in charge
But it is really nice and special when you can share anything kinky at all - I loved when we were really hot we could share them deep dark things that turn you on at the time but you would NEVER want to do in real life (gulp - mine was a german shepard dog)
I guess it looks like lables are not so important its finding someone who you connect with and the things you are into compliment each other

JettOnly · Jan 4, 2012

Sally. So glad you have found what you are looking for
not one I understand, I dont get punishment - it makes me angry - basically if someone askes me to do/not do something thats what I do - if I dont there is a reason for it
But glad you are getting what you need

Sally · Jan 4, 2012

I get angry sometimes, when he is too rough, or determine boundaries when not in sub mode. he understands it, and then we talk about it afterwards. there are also some of the things I love about bdsm, you have to talk about what's going on. much easier to work together if we talk a lot

JettOnly · Jan 4, 2012

Ahhh, cool in a way that makes a whole lot more sense for me. Yes when I think about it I got angry when I thought I was being punished unfairly for something I did that I had asked if it was OK to do - and when we were not in a scene
Yes I agree understanding and talking are so important. and I guess as well for the dom there has to be the ego put aside to take being told that something didnt work - actually that is quite a difference from most vanilla I can think of
Not saying you just go 'that was crap, you are rubbish and we are never doing that again'

but to be able to talk about something that he did that made you angry without getting into a fight about it
Really interesting, never thought of that - thankyou

ImperialConditioning · Jan 5, 2012

Yes Jett, all sorts of dirty fantasies come out when you can be intimate with someone. I'm not sure if that's vanilla or not, but all of our fantasies are BDSM related so I consider that part of BDSM for me. Usually when I think vanilla I think of standard sex with maybe a small touch of fantasy, this is definitely not what we do lol.

As you mentioned to Sally, it's wonderful not fighting. There is more of a constant back and forth respect which is always in the front of your mind. This is something that's not usually present in typical vanilla relationships.

Anna2 · Jan 20, 2012

Variety. Loss of control. A deeper connection.

BDSM: What do you love about it

JettOnly

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Sally

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ImperialConditioning

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Sally

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