Don't wanna be vanilla

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by ex-vanilla, Sep 25, 2009.

  1. ex-vanilla

    ex-vanilla New Member


    I've been with my wife now for ten years, and we've had a fairly vanilla sex-life. Well, when I say vanilla, it's always sort of been right at the cusp of being kinky.

    Recently we have started exploring fetishes and fantasies. Well, my fetishes, my fantasies...
    I've owned up to having a foot fetish, and to being submissive, and she really seems to be loving taking a dominant role. I'm coming here and reading about things, and she does them without suggesting. Tying me down, denying me sex until I perform tasks and so on.

    But my wife is very dominant in her whole life, and I'm pretty sure if she could relax enough to enjoy it, she'd love being submissive. I know I'm a switch, so my first question: how do I get her to try taking a more submissive role.

    My second question. It can be hard entering this lifestyle on your own, and we certainly don't want to involve others, so where do we take it from here...? I know I want to go in further. In fact, with the exception of scat, I can't think of a single-thing I wouldn't want to do with my wife.

    Thank you.
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  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    braking dominatrix every masters dream
  3. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    Don't get your hopes up.
    Even when I'm in the drivers seat she stills tells me where to go.
    I'ts possible that she willl at some point want to be submissive but it will be on her terms only and pushing her will only make her resist it more so just relax and enjoy the other aspects of your play.
    You can also try some topping from the bottom with her, she instructs you what to do with her Kind of along the lines Of "ok now tie my feet then you can......slave!"
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  4. subspace

    subspace Member

    Ex-vanilla, you are in the exact right place to find support and a host of great ideas to enhance your play. The folks here give great advice and give the real life pros and cons on most topics.
    Look around, have fun and ask questions.
    Welcome to the forum
  5. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

    Ex-Vanilla, You've done a good enough job of conveying your fetishes that she has been happy to accomodate you. Thow this on the pile, too. Suggest that you'd like to switch roles just this once and see how that plays out.

    Good luck
  6. I have very recently become more tuned into my dominant side, before I had never even considered topping somebody. But like most things with me, if I give it time and an open mind, I usually come around to it. I have openly accepted that I want a female pet to control but I have recently begun considering what it would be like to top a man. I sort of wonder if I am a switch. I'm a little scared to admit it though. The thought of a man openly admitting to being a switch is a turn off but finding somebody and it happening naturally is something I have considered. But only in the mental aspect, I don't enjoy the thought of spanking a man or using a strap on...just tying or abusing.

    I'm a bit scared to say anything to Master just yet, either He will read this and bring it up, or I will find the courage.

    Ex-vanilla, every person on here that posts regularly almost without exception, is a wealth of knowledge. I agree with greymac, bring it up to her, negotiate, explain your feelings and desires.

    I have come to realize that there is no reason to ever feel ashamed, easier said than done but it holds true none the less.
  7. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    +1 to grey nothing comes to mind only this

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