Sub playing mind games... Any suggestions?

Shepherd1 · Apr 10, 2013

Hello everyone. I'm new on this forum and fairly new to BDSM. I've always had a desire for it but have just started exploring them. I've found and extremely willing sub, but I think because she knows of my lack of knowledge and experience she has started playing certain mind games. Not that I'm against it, but she's quite clever at them. For instance; the other day we were laying on her trampoline, and she started talking about the neighbors watching. I dont have a problem with that at all. Then she starts in about how she wished the men would climb the fence and take her. I know this is a fantasy of hers, and it's not something that I'm totally against. But the moment caught me off guard. She sensed the rage in my eyes and said that though she wanted that, that I would be the only one to dominate and beat her. This brought about a jealous rage in me and I took her like a jealous god. She even made mention of that after the fact. I did enjoy it fully. But I want to beat her at her own game. She a psychology major and has a lot of knowledge there. So I'd like to hear from the forum on any tips or advice. I have a few myself but they'd be difficult to bring to fruition. Please help

sebastian · Apr 10, 2013

There are a couple things that could be happening here.
1) She was trying to manipulate you, to figure out how to get you to do as she wants. This is called topping from the bottom.
2) She was thinking out loud about her fantasies and just liked the reaction she got from you.
3) She was trying without realizing it to get you to be more dominant with her.

If it's 1, you need to put a stop to it. You're inexperienced, and if you let her start pulling your strings, you're going to wind up serving her, which is not what you signed up for.
If it's 2, I don't think anything particular is called for.
If it's 3, it's a sign that you need to be more aggressive with her.

If you want to play mind games, here are two that come to mind.
1) Tie her up and tell her you think she's been cheating on you. Be unreasonable and apparently irrational; point to little things ("you took 10 minutes to return my call yesterday. Who were you talking to? What was his name?"). Pretend like you're losing control and might actually harm her. Then when she starts thinking it's for real, drop the pretend and show her that you were playing. Or instead of getting mad, tell her you don't trust her and you're going to break up with her. See if you can get her to beg you not to dump her. Then drop the act.
2) Tie her up on the trampoline and then leave her there. You're watching, but she thinks you've gone away. Then a guy (a friend you've arranged this with) climbs over the fence and threatens to molest her. In other words, give her the fantasy, but don't let her know it's a fantasy.

I generally don't like mind-fucking like this. There are ways it might go really wrong. But those are what I come up with

Shepherd1 · Apr 11, 2013

I appreciate the insight Sebastian. I really don't think she trying to pull strings in order to become the dominant one. But I do need to set an example for her. I thought about having someone (or multiple someone's) come and have their way with her. But I don't have anyone that I could trust in that area. I think I'll try your idea of getting mad and making her feel terrified for her safety. Then come out of it. I think I'll try this Saturday before we visit out local dungeon. Set the mood right. Thanks again.

VladHarkonnen · Apr 14, 2013

I don't want to oversimplify it but (and this is coming from someone that's mostly sub) if you feel she's manipulating you, you should punish her immediately. I'd expect any mistress to do the same to me. She wants you to be in control. She's pressing your buttons to see if you have what it takes to do so.

Shepherd1 · Apr 14, 2013

I find any and all input helpful. As we are not 24/7 ( or even close to that) it's difficult to punish immediately. I have punished her and found it most adventagious. She is submitting now to my control and has shown more and more willingness to my dominance. I spoke to her afterward and found that she was fantasizing and wanted a response from me (which she got). After our visit last night to our local dungeon, she was very submissive and wanting of my approval. This is new for me in that I've just started discovering my true dominant side and am lucky to have a willing sub. There will be more to come I'm sure. She knows of my control (of both her body and my own) and wants to explore deeper commitment with me. She has been owned previously and it was a bad experience. So I've had to walk a tight rope sort of speak. But I'm seeing her submissiveness more and more. For as short term as our relationship has been; I think she's seeing comfort and value in my tuteledge.

Shepherd1 · Apr 15, 2013

Attack of the spambot moderator.

Smallest · Apr 26, 2013

Yeah, sorry, I have to sleep and eat sometimes.

Sub playing mind games... Any suggestions?

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