Sub training as self-acceptance therapy

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by scheppersrules, May 16, 2013.

  1. scheppersrules

    scheppersrules New Member

    Hi all, this is my first post and I apologize if this is misplaced.

    I'm a 37 yr old straight single male that recently sort of stumbled into a sub role. I've been enjoying the training (3 sessions now) but I'm at a very dark place in my life. I'm having major self-acceptance issues along with feelings of hatred toward women to do rejection. My mistress says she has trained multiple sub males in the past with similar issues and all went on to become happily married with great sex lives. I've been dealing with my issues for over three years now and have tried a lot of different treatments. I never thought about this as being something that could help me but she says she can break me down to a point where I will learn to accept myself and ultimately be happy with myself. Is this really possible from all of this? I guess I'm just curious if anyone has any perspective or testimonial to offer on this sort of thing actually making someone happier and full of life again.
  2. Crazyguy123

    Crazyguy123 Member

    If this mistress you are with is a psychologist that knows how to correctly do therapy with you during the training sessions, then she might actually succeed in you being able to accept yourself and be happy with yourself as you are. But it could be that you might need more than just that. You might need some medications to help you if you have depression.
  3. scheppersrules

    scheppersrules New Member

    Yeah, I've done the meds thing already. Not going back to that. Sure they help with depression, but they suppress your personality too much. I felt like a zombie.

    Traditional counseling did little help as well.

    She is claiming she had 7 sub males who all came to her single and now have happy married lives (one engaged). An eighth was a married suicidal male who also is happy now. Maybe she's lying about all of it. I have no idea. I just thought maybe someone on here knew of a case similar to what she is claiming. Or if I should be looking at this as just another form of recreation (yes this is paid training).
  4. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    The domme you're talking about makes me feel very skeptical, personally. I think subbing can help you deal with issues, work through them, and learn about yourself, but someone making claims that they can 'cure' you and people who are suicidal and fix their relationships... even therapy and proper medication are only treatment, not cures.

    So in short, I think submitting can help, but this person's claims are dubious and since it's paid, it sounds like a scam. I'd try to find a domme that suits you, a therapist that suits you, and possibly further treatment, and through the combination expect help, not through a quack domme. Even if therapy hasn't helped in the past, it can take years to find the right therapist, or the right less traditional therapist.

    Despite all my doubtfulness, I do think that if you can afford it and it's a safe situation to get into physically and financially (doesn't seem like she's an axe murderer nor going to start autobilling you insanely), you should try it out and see how it goes. If it helps, you might also learn ways to work on yourself.

    Also, off topic, the right meds shouldn't make you feel numb or not having a personality, and you might want to explore a different family of drugs (eg taking citalopram (celexa) instead of fluoxetine (prozac)- both are SSRIs, but much less related) if you think the right kind will help you. If you have access to a doctor and haven't already, you should discuss it. I also didn't check how old you are, but modern anti depressants and similar drugs have come a long way in the last 20 years.
    I don't recommend anyone just up and starts taking pills, but if they helped before and you have access to a doctor, it might be worth looking into.
  5. scheppersrules

    scheppersrules New Member

    Thanks for your input.

    Ok, let me be a little more clear. It's a "leave the donation on the desk" professional.

    The only claim she makes is that she's helped others. I had just never heard of going through male sub training as enriching someone's life like that, so I was curious if others knew of such cases. Of course I also just read an article that male subs are pretty much looked down on in this community, so I guess I shouldn't expect much here. It's a tough decision for me with plenty of fears. I don't want to come out of this scarred. I have no desire to switch to men, or to be a slave to women my whole life. I just want to be happy with myself and find a beautiful kinky wife.

    I'll just see where it goes I guess. I can stop anytime.
  6. MissTrussed

    MissTrussed New Member

    I have been in some pretty dark places in my life and finding the right dom was just what I needed...I have a hard time explaining how it helped, I've written and erased this several times. Basically I learned that my lack of self esteem had nothing to do with my actual worth; people had done bad things to me but that didn't make ME bad; and enjoying what I enjoyed without guilt made me so much happier. Um, I have no idea if that made any sense, but it's the best I can do.

    Anyway, I do think sub training can be a powerful way to achieve self acceptance. I'd just be a bit careful with someone who said EVERYONE she ever dommed went on to a happily sex-filled marriage. The odds of that are pretty low, I don't think there's such a thing as a perfect marriage and if there is I don't think everyone has it with their current spouse. A 100% success rate sounds fishy. Too good to be true.

    I'm not saying you're doing the wrong thing. But I think at least you need to take her words with a grain of salt. Enjoy the training by all means, I think it is a great way to become happier and healthier, but don't let her give you unrealistically high expectations.

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