Role reversals

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by magicblast, Jul 25, 2012.

  1. magicblast

    magicblast New Member

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    Does anyone else here enjoy role reversals in their BDSM? My partner and I are both sadomasochists, me being predominantly sado and him being predominantly maso. However, there's just something very appealing about it when he suddenly takes control and I wind up being on the receiving end. I'm not as big on pain as him, being a sadist I generally prefer inflicting, but it actually feels amazing.

    Also, what do you do about sub aftercare? Outside of the BDSM, we're actually quite tender and affectionate to each other, so it kind of balances it out. I'm thinking of using hot candle wax on him this weekend so I'd love some advice from those who've experienced it.
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    It's called switching or flipping (the latter particularly in the gay community). I can enjoy it, although it's not my primarily thing. But I love the idea of starting out with another dom working on a sub, and then partway through forcing the other dom to sub for me as the sub watches.

    I don't understand your question about aftercare. Could you explain more?
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  3. magicblast

    magicblast New Member

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    Oh right, sorry, I hadn't realised that I didn't articulate it properly. :)

    What do I do after burning him with the hot wax? We're very affectionate after each session, but I'd like to know if anyone else who's experienced hot wax could share some extra insight on the aftercare. Like, what should I use to soothe the skin or reduce scarring, etc.
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    If hot wax is causing scarring, you're doing it wrong. The wax is too hot or the drip distance is too short or something.

    I don't have any first hand experience, so I can't offer you much guidance. But I know that some wax subs put on a thin coat of baby oil to help the wax come off easily. Look that up online to make sure that different oils won't cause problems though. Otherwise, you have to peel the wax off, with a table knife or something. The skin is very sensitive after wax play, so you can move on to other forms of sensation play, or be mean and do something rougher. Or you can clean up and then do cuddling, stroking, etc. Or you could do some light massage to be both soothing and stimulating.
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  5. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

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    We switch now and then, but then again he cheats. When he is done being the bottom I end up pinned again. Not that I am complaining or anything...:)
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  6. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    I've got a suggestion about the scarring from your wax play. Use cheap emergency candles or a jar candle with soft wax.
    The scarring comes from wax that's hitting at greater than 140 degrees, I would guess it's closer to 160. Here's a bit rambling that I hope will help.

    Parafin - 120-140 or so.
    Hard dinner candles - 160
    Beeswax candles - 145-155
    Jar or can candles - 115-130 (usually)
    ..... All these temps can vary depending on colors (not much difference) or other additives.

    If you're using dinner candles that are hard and rigid, they likely contain stearine which makes the candle more rigid, raises the burn temperature, and makes them last longer and burn to hot for play.
    Beeswax also burns much hotter than parafin and will also cause burns.

    The distance you use between your sub and the candle can make a difference, but not much. It works out to be about 5 degrees for every 3 feet or so, depending on the air temperature, and the amount of wax you're pouring at one time. Of course, the higher you pour from, the more hot wax splash crap to worry about, so be careful with eyes and hair.
    The place where you drop the wax matters too. Some areas burn more easily, and take longer to heal. This could interrupt your play schedule for a while.

    Jar or glass bowl candles have a bit more mineral oil in them and burn at a lower temperature, but added coloring and scents can bring it back up. Even so, encased candles tend to have softer lower melting point wax as a rule (except when soot gets into the wax).
    The black soot that comes from the flame coming in direct contact with the wax as you pour will greatly increase the temp of the next wax you drop, so try to pour from the same side of the candle once you start, to minimize the amount of soot in the wax.

    Lastly - candles with soft insides and harder, painted, or otherwise decorated outer shells are not usually good for wax play because when you drip them, the flame melts both the inner and outer shell, causing two different materials (and temperatures) to fall on your sub.

    Here's a link that can help, aside from anything else you might Google.

    Now that I think about it... I think there's something in the Beginners FAQ thread too. But I already wrote this, so hope it helps.

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