punishment ideas?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by fluttershy, Feb 4, 2013.

  1. fluttershy

    fluttershy Member

    OK so um.... i was bad :( and my master is making me confess this on here... and ask 4 punishment suggestions. i have been bad by arguing and fighting with him a lot, trying to take control, disobeying, and questioning what he does. have been trying really hard to be good but we both think i need a "reminder" and part of punishment is to get suggestions... so yeah... help would be much appreciated. oh and btw i am female.
     
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  2. ^v^Sultry^v^

    ^v^Sultry^v^ New Member

    As a new Master myself I am curious as to some responses too. My pet is also a very rebellious and argumentative submissive.
     
  3. fluttershy

    fluttershy Member

    well i hope this helps u out too. i realy want my master to straiten me out even if i dont act like it. maybe your pet is the same. :)
     
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    If I had a sub was being very disobedient, I would cancel our next play session and let him sit for a day thinking about why he is disobedient. Then I would meet with him as an equal and ask him if he seriously wanted to continue being my sub. By being seriously disobedient, the sub is indicating that he's unsure of what he's doing and isn't entirely certain he wants to be a sub. In other words, this isn't an issue of punishment, this is an existential issue--does the sub actually want to be a sub?
     
  5. fluttershy

    fluttershy Member

    when im not being bad i do realy realy want to be his little slave... i realy wanna try to make this work and be his good girl
     
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Ok, then why are you being so disobedient? Keep in mind that power exchange is a fundamental and voluntary part of your relationship with him. If you don't submit, you're not holding up your end of the bargain. You have a choice to be in the relationship and submit, or not be in the relationship and not submit.

    Let me be clear. There is a big difference in being disobedient a lot and having problems with one sort of submission. For example, if you're having trouble remembering to call him Sir, then you need to look at why that particular rule is challenging for you. And if you find receiving anal sex is really unpleasant, you have the right to negotiate about that facet of your submission. But it doesn't sound to me like you're having that sort of issue. It sounds to me like you're disobeying a lot. As I see it, there are two likely situations:

    1) You don't want to submit as much as you've agreed to. Maybe you've agreed to a lot of lifestyle BDSM (like doing chores for him) and what you really want is just bedroom BDSM (you'll submit during sex, but not outside that). If that's the case, you need to talk with him and renegotiate where and when you'll submit to him.
    2) You're a bratty sub, and you're hoping your master will give you rough treatment, like spanking you when you refuse to do the dishes. If that's the case, you need to realize that there are better ways of getting the treatment you want. There is nothing more frustrating for a dom than giving an order and having the sub refuse it. Sure, some doms enjoy overcoming some resistance, but in general, being really resistant is really destructive to a dom's sense of dominance. When a sub actively refuses a command, my immediate response internally is "Oh, this guy doesn't want to submit to me. I need to be egalitarian with him." If this is what's happening, ask your master to work more rough play into your routine, so that you can get those spankings without having to antagonize him.

    As I said, some doms like some resistance and brattiness because it gives them an excuse to be rough. But there's a huge difference between that and actively arguing and fighting. If my slave did that, I'd tell him very clearly that the next time he does that, I'll uncollar him, because I only want subs who are willing to make the effort to submit and obey.
     
  7. WickedPleasures

    WickedPleasures New Member

    Maybe you should agree to have him do things to you you don't like very much as a subtle reminder than you really want to but are bratty and really need to be forced. However I would have a discussion with him and really evaluate yourself as to where the relationship is really based.

    However, if you are very willing but just need "more" encouragement, what "I" would do is restrain you in such a way that you may be easily controlled and force you do repeat some act or activity until I am satisfied. Basically you will need to earn your gradual release. The more insulate, the more often you will be restrained. Provide this what you really want or is it you are just are to rebellious for this kind relationship.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2013
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  8. fluttershy

    fluttershy Member

    we live together so it is 24/hr submission. i think my main problum is when normal issues arize i forget my place. and often my master will also forget. we are trying to get into more of things i dont like more. what kind of "activity" do u meen? ik my master has made me write lines in the past. do u meen like that? thx 4 replying btw.
     
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    You're doing 24/7. How long have you been doing this and how experienced are the two of you at power exchange?
     
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  10. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    If by "normal issues" you mean money, jobs, housing, or whatnot, I'd say those are things that NEED to be spoken of as equals, not as D/s (and that goes for both of you, not as permission for you to speak out of place). Of course, if you were rude I can still see why the Dom's angry.
     
  11. LunchHawk

    LunchHawk New Member

    My goodness disobedient subs? I'm a very good pet to my owner. I wish I could be more disobedient towards him so I would get more punishment.
     
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  12. fluttershy

    fluttershy Member

    we are not very experincend. in fact this is a first relationship for both of us sm or otherwise. in telling you this my master worrys you will think im underage so i am to asure you that i am 18. we have been in a realtionship since we were 16 and have been gradualy getting into it since shortly after the relationship started. its not neccerceraly realy important things such as mony and houseing. its more little things like my master is hell to lie next to in bed, or that the garbage hasnt been taken out etc. we still live wth his mother so if i did all his jobs it would be realy suspisios and we both get in trouble if he dosnt do it so i get mad. problum is when i get mad i tend to be a bad girl and my master often has to snap me out of it.
     
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Ok, I think we've gotten to the heart of your problem here. You and your master are not ready for 24/7 yet, not because you're young but because you're not experienced enough as dom and sub. 24/7 is the deep end of the swimming pool, and you need to be in the shallow end. You're not practiced enough at being submissive and deferring to your master's needs and wishes, and he's probably not practiced enough at being in charge and directing another person's life.

    So pull back from your attempt at 24/7. Treat that as a goal to move toward when you're more experienced at submission. Start with bedroom submission. Get used to him being in charge there and then gradually add things outside of the bedroom. For example, get used to him setting rules about how you can dress before he starts giving you chores or setting an exercise agenda for you. Add things gradually, starting with the most surface-level things first and then deeper things, more serious choices later.

    The point here is that submission isn't easy to learn, even for those who find themselves very submissive. Almost all slaves run into situations where they struggle to submit. Going too fast is probably the biggest mistake that most doms and subs make. Everything in your social conditioning encourages you to keep control, so you need to unlearn that conditioning. This can't happen overnight. This is why you're tending to quarrel and be disobedient.
     
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  14. fluttershy

    fluttershy Member

    ok so we have already been doing it in the bedroom for about a year and a half and been slowly getting more dominating. if were already coptrable in the bed room and he dosnt care about cloths or anything what would the next step be?
    EDIT: also how do u think he should go about training me?
     
  15. WickedPleasures

    WickedPleasures New Member

    Sebastian pretty much has it covered. As long as you are 100% wiling to make your master "happy" you can start off very slow if you like with very small things. Like hairstyle, certain jewelry, makeup colors, certain clothes that he doesn't approve of whether you like it or not. Real life activities such as your job and family or social commitments are different matter and both you must decide what you will enforce and not enforce at these times.
    Example:
    My significant other at the time was very willing to try this kind of thing in the beginning so minor changes were acceptable as we were both very new at it anyway. One of the first changes I had her make was she was forbidden to wear undergarments of any kind at any time unless absolutely "necessary" like a work environment. She was to remove them immediately before any contact with me. I the beginning you sometimes forget because it is a new "habit" for lack of a better word. She was checked for compliance whenever we would meet. If she was breaking the "rules" she was asked to remove them immediately and it didn't matter where we were in the car or in public(discreetly of course). She was also not allowed to wear anything to bed at night unless I asked her to or she had a good enough reason for asking me. She was also required to be clean and smooth shaven ALWAYS! or no "benefits" at all. These might seem like small things to most, but it is a way of voluntary conditioning in order to take next steps. Again you must be willing to comply with these small things without question or argument in order to move the relationship along this path or perhaps you just prefer kinky play in the bedroom and that"s as far as it goes. You must decide
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2013

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