Newcomer wishes to extend playtime.

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Zion Fox, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. Zion Fox

    Zion Fox New Member

    Greetings SMPlace,

    My partner and I have been experimenting with bondage play. we've been trying different things for quite a while, i.e rope bondage and using gags and blindfolds. we bot really enjoy what we're doing now but we're at a point where we want to do extended sessions for maybe a few hours or even a day. The problem is we're both a bit unsure of what to do for scenarios and while hes tied up.

    Im the Dom and he's the sub, when hes tied up i love using his mouth and teasing him occasionally i use toys too, but i always get to a point about 30 mins into it when we've both cum and im a bit unsure about how to continue the session.

    Any ideas and suggestions you guys could give me would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks Again ^^
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Well, one thing to do is explore pain play. For example, gently squeeze his tits and sloooowly increase the pressure. See how long he can endure what you're doing to him. Make him beg you to stop and force him to figure out what you want him to say to get you to stop. Give him a brief break and then resume and get a little harsher. Don't do anything genital; just build the sexual tension and see how long you last. I have done many bdsm sessions in which there was little genital play, but the whole scene was highly sexual and arousing.

    If your sub likes the helplessness of bondage, he may enjoy simply being tied up and left lying while you do other things. You can keep him tied up for an hour or two that way, although you need to check on his very regularly, and if you gag him you can't leave him alone at all.
  3. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    This may sound weird, but I'm gonna go out on a limb on this one and suggest that this wall you are facing is based on a long term habit with masturbation.
    I am also going to suggest that you solve it this way.
    First with you, since you are in control. Then with him.

    What you're seeing with this (quick come) experience is completely natural and is experienced by lots of folks, actually many... maybe all. The notion that you can do more than just have sex once you tie your sub up, takes a while. The sex is so good because you finally got to physically do what you've been dreaming of, that it's hard not to come right away. But there is so much more.

    Your partner cannot help himself and the control is up to you, but you have to gain the ability to identify and control your impulses when you are close to coming.

    When you masturbate, get to the point when you about to come, and then give yourself a break. Get used to the process of identifying, stopping, then starting over after a bit.

    Eventually you will be able to extend your time to almost as long as you want.

    With your partner, you will have to make him help you identify when he is close to climax. When you reach it, back off and make him suffer. He'll come a little, but the leak is ok.

    Actually, being a man, this is the best thing you can do for him, since getting him to that point begins the feeling of orgasm, without the ejaculation spasms that force the refractory period we guys have to deal with.

    This is one of the base principles of Tantric sex for a man. Control ejaculation... reach a higher/different place in sex.

    I agree with Sebastian, that alternating pain play with sexual torment is a really good way to enhance and extend your sessions. Spanking, slapping, or flogging your sub enhances their feeling of helplessness and adds to your sense of control. The additional stimulation makes it even more important for you to learn to identify and delay your point of orgasm, and help him with his.

    And like Seb said, it's very possible that your partner is going to be aroused just from being tied up, but as a Top/Dominant, you are responsible for taking advantage of the situation and learning more each time about what your partner reacts to well... and not so well.

    Lastly, do a workshop every once and a while (as often as you want) to work on positions, knots and other restraint techniques, and pain stimulus like clothespins/pegs, flogging/spanking, cbt, etc... to get real time verbal feedback on the things you do and use during your sessions. Remember, it's not just what you do... It's how, where, when, how ofter, and how hard you do it.

    This is a good time to tell you..... READ UP ON BONDAGE AND PAIN PLAY. You want to be able to hurt him.. not harm him. And not all pain is good pain. You have to know the difference.
    Seb just added a post to the FAQ with some excellent books on the subject, most of which I have read. There are also web references on the same subjects for quick study.

    All this will help you grow a lot faster in the process, both internally for you, and in your sessions with him.

    Hope this helps, and welcome to the forum.
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2011
  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Don't forget to let us know how it goes
  5. Zion Fox

    Zion Fox New Member

    thanks for your advice guys it'll probably be a couple of days till we "play" again but ill be sure to give you some feedback on how we get on ^^
  6. Nuka

    Nuka Member

    Another thing you could try is orgasm denial. Keep teasing using general foreplay, toys, pain play, whipping, hot and cold (i.e. heated metal/a hot mug or ice) and keep him making you cum.

    As you are the Dom, you should be having him "serve" or "service" you, and with him tied up or whatever you can position him however you want. Use him as a toy and don't touch him until he begs or makes you cum (or until you're satisfied that he deserves a treat). When you do touch him build him up but don't let him orgasm then move onto the next thing like a long, slow whipping before sitting on his face again, or using toys on yourself a foot or so away from him, where he can still hear what you're doing and be left only with imagination.

    So take pleasure in essentially using your sub. If you move onto sex, stop just before he cums. If he cums in any situation and you're not happy with how long he has lasted (i.e. you only teased him for say, an hour) then when he cums punish him in anyway you see fit. Don't touch him for a period of time (say a day or so) forbid him to touch himself under threat of punishment but then masturbate whenever you feel like it. He'll soon clue on to not orgasm until you, his mistress, let him.

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