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I'm talking about club type parties, because I've never been to a house one. I think you said in the FAQ that you'd seen events come up online, and I'd really suggest you message the admin with your questions and concerns as well, or read the rules the post to get an idea what it will be like.
One of the concerns you listed was that you wouldn't want to see other subs in pain. In my experience (and generally what I've read and so on), the dungeon is completely separate from other areas, and music is playing, so although there's a rule that subs keep it down (because it is disruptive to others), you ar unlikely to hear them over music. Depending on the size of the club, there could be sitting/eating areas, and a large dance area.
Everyone will be in different degrees of fetish wear, and there will be more nudity as the night goes on (probably because people can't arrive that way, and besides, a couple hours in leather or latex gets hot).
I was terrified too before I went, though. Scared of being judged or having someone try to dom me without me wanting it, but it's a bit silly since there are always staff somewhere nearby at those sorts of things, and everyone's pretty fetishy.
I'll keep going if you have questions, though I'm sure other people will participate. I'm just not really sure where to start.
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