Good Dominate Threats (Curious)

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by desiretobedominate, Sep 14, 2012.

  1. desiretobedominate

    desiretobedominate New Member

    My Boyfriend. has recently told me that he is rather quite submissive, and that they would like me to try and be dominate with them. I'v never been dominate with anyone before, so this will be quite a big learning curve, I have done alot of research online (I know this does not make a '' good dominate '' that comes with alot of experience, Respect, and also learning from others more experienced then yourself. Now one thing my boyfriend has told me, is that he thinks im a ' push over ' (Basicly too nice) which i believe may benefit me when being dominate rather then being a down-point (A good dominate has to Have a good personality and respect, understanding, Self-control, listens to there sub's (to help fill there needs/wants/desires) be open/honest with communication and not come across as to aggressive. (Sometimes a gentle wispier in the tear could be more effective then shouting and being forceful) And also understanding that sometimes because they say '' No '' Does not mean there being bad, but the fact that they could be quite uncomfortable with what you are suggesting they do.

    Now my introduction has finished , Onto the part where i was looking for some advice (Threats) I know for fact my Sub will react well if i use Humiliating threats, rather then embarrassing ones, so i have creatively come up with quite a few and have a good mindset on how to use them, But i was just wondering how more experienced Dom's would use threats? what threats would they use (Obviously my Subs would want me to carryout these threats if they have miss behaved them selfs!) Im not just talking about Psychical threats either, I'd like some suggestions, for more thoughtful/mindful threats. (and lets face it you can threaten your sub without being psychical all the time, its all about respect imo, and i respect my partner greatly)

    Last edited: Sep 15, 2012
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  2. Hi DTBD,
    Welcome to the board - it sounds like you have some exciting times ahead!

    Reading through your description I see your challenge breaking down into two:

    • How do you get into character as a Dom, and deal with your partner's impression that you are a pushover?
    • What punishments can you use on your sub? I'm sure you will want to stay in control, and have a sort of "menu" of options that you can use to build up the stress on her in the session.

    I'm going to be a bit lazy now, and cut and paste a reply that I gave to somebody in a similar position. His wife wanted to be "hurt" in an S&M context, but she didn't like the idea of roleplay. He wanted to get involved in roleplay, and so I suggested an interrogation scene. It has some advantages for you too, I think, because it is a very stylized scene.

    Welcome to the board!

    I know you said your wife doesn't like roleplay, but "there's roleplay and there's roleplay".

    It's also important for you to get what you need from the relationship, and it sounds like you'd like to introduce an element of roleplay.

    A lot of people in the BDSM community can be reluctant about roleplay initially because they think they will "look silly", either dressing up or play acting something.

    So let's give your wife what she wants - physical pain. You can do that by "interrogating" her. Tell her to hide three objects around the house.

    You will interrogate her physically until she reveals each location. Because she can stop the interrogation by telling you where an object is, this doubles as a sort of "safe word".

    She really doesn't have to do much acting - in fact her goal would be to say nothing!

    Tie her in a position that she can tolerate for a while - like spread-eagled on the bed.

    Ideas for inflicting mild pain:

    - Use rubber bands to flick against her skin. Blindfold her so she doesn't know where and when the impact will come.

    - Use ice cubes on sensitive areas.

    - Place strips of parcel tape over her tummy or back, and rip them off like a sticking plaster. Take it slowly - build up the tension.

    - A good one I recently discovered is to use wooden barbecue skewers as a sort of "mini cane". You can hold one end, and flick the other against targets like nipples, or the backs of fingers. Again, using a blindfold produces a surprise for the victim.

    - If she really likes pain then try the Tazapper. My favourite toy because it's so safe, and impossible to get carried away.

    Any of this sound good?


    I never heard back from the guy, but I'd be interested to know if you agree that this is a good approach.

    By the way - if you zap your partner with a Tazapper she won't think you're a pushover anymore :)

  3. Yes sir

    Yes sir New Member

    I have been with my husband for 16 years. We have just recently gotten into this and I had a hard time believing that he would be able to pull off the Dom side let alone the controlling, take what I want side. I even told him that I didn't think he could pull off the "asshole Dom" (as we have come to call it). He totally proved me wrong. If you have the confidence and the control you can do it. As far as threats/punishment just stick with what you say. There have been times when my husband has had one idea of how play will go that night and when I disobey or forget to do something he has told me to do he has to switch gears pretty quick. I used to be able to talk my way out of things and get what I want from him. It didn't take long for me to change my attitude. Not sure if this helps any. Good luck. Let us know how it all works out.
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  4. desiretobedominate

    desiretobedominate New Member

    Thanks for the replies,

    I will certianly look into that '' roleplay''

    Yes, As your husband like me is new to this and as you did not think he could pull of being dominate what kind of thing's does he say to you, if you dont do as he wishes? would you be able to list some for me ?
  5. Yes sir

    Yes sir New Member

    Not all of these things have been done but they have all been threatened. We talked about what I defenately could not handle (hard limits) and what would just be unpleasant. These are some of the things that we came up with.

    I can cum when he takes my ass IF I am allowed to play with myself and that makes it VERY pleasant. If I am being punished for something he can choose to take my ass but my hands either get tied down or can not leave where he tells me to put them (his back, next to me, above my head). This makes it much less pleasant for me and a good punishment.

    I do not enjoy cum in my mouth and I HATE to swallow. He will make me hold his cum in my mouth until he aproves of the length of time it is in there (not very long - only a couple of seconds - but because I don't like it it feels like forever) and then he will give me a towel to spit it out in OR depending on how badly I disobeyed he may make me swallow it. I can do it but it is VERY unpleasant.

    He will also get me very close to the point of having an orgasm and stop. Several times. Again, very unpleasant.

    As far as some of the things that he says, for me it is really all in his tone and that he has (therefore I know he will) follow through. Just today he texted me a task that I did not want to do. I told him NO and his next text was. Ok. But you will be swallowing every drop of cum I produce this weekend if you push much harder. I had my task done in less than 10 min. I know he meant it and that he would follow through. His voice is always calm and controlling. Never yelling or harsh. Just very controlled. A lot of this is really a mental thingl.

    The biggest thing is to remember that you have to follow through and have a very calm and commanding voice. The threats/punishment need to be something that they will find unpleasant but able/willing to do. I hope this helps.

    Her-Sir please add anything I may have forgotten
  6. Her-sir

    Her-sir New Member

    I think you pretty much covered it all. I'll add some if I can think of anything.


    The biggest thing for me is remaining calm and in control of the situation and if you say you'll do something you had better follow through or any credibility you have gained could be lost very quickly.
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2012
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    You don't really say whether your partner is male or female. (If you did, I missed it.) Telling us might help us a little--what works with male subs doesn't always work with female subs and vice versa.

    Also, small point: 'dominate' is a verb, 'dominant' is an adjective (and in this community a noun). As a dominant, you will dominate your partner.

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