Opening Our Marriage

TerribleT · Aug 26, 2010

Oh I'll be here. My wifes bark is worse then her bite. And, I recall a few years back, she gave me permission to have an affair with one of her friends who was feeling sex starved also. I never took her (or her friend) up on it and I'm glad I didn't. (Also, she quickly took it back) I don't think any of us were ready at the time and I'm certain it would have ended badly. I do love my spouse and I don't want to lose her but she isn't going that extra mile for me. If the tables were turned, I would do anything for her and it hurts my feelings a bit that she doesn't seem to feel the same way.
That's probably a sign of our personalities and part of why she's the top and I'm the bottom.

I hope the OP is doing ok and I'm only trying to tell a bit of my story since I'm a little further along in my relationship.
Good luck OP.

praefect · Sep 30, 2010

would you say he has a hard time wrapping his head around internal processes of any kind, empathizing at all? My little ones had this problem. Their story is nearly identical to your own.

A real big problem was that they were unable to communicate on a very basic level because they didn't see eye to eye, him being on the extreme end of extroversion, and she being on the extreme end of introversion.

I could see him totally going to same route if he had been allowed to dom his wife in a more serious way outside of bed. Not because he is malicious, or a bad person, but because what she would have considered hurtful he in her place would have considered hot. He projects a lot and because they are nothing like each other, that never ended well.

But it's not a hopeless situation. He certainly has the potential to learn. What they needed was a third person to step into the middle and basically translate what the other person means or why they feel about something a certain way, when they when dealing with each other are prone to end up in entrenched positions, rather than in a state of healthy communication. Sometimes this was me. At some point, after a bombshell of a confession on his part, it was a family therapist. I was at my wits end and sent them to one. Now I can already entrust him to dominate her in a limited fashion, and I'm sure that one day he'll make an excellent dom in his own right.

Perhaps a creative way to go about this would be to seek a mentor for him, someone who would also be willing and eager to take you on as a pain toy and service sub. Let him witness you being dominated by another. Make him a part of the experience rather than it being something where he is on the out. You could talk about those experiences after the fact. Someone other than you could try to explain it, perhaps with a better understanding of how to make him understand, and who knows where that may lead to.

kajmir · Sep 30, 2010

As someone who has divorced parents I am only gonna say this:

Don't EVER stay in a marrage that is breaking down for the childrens sake, they won't thank you for it later. And while they may be hurt, torn etc, in the long run IF IT IS REQUIRED they will heal.

My parents were nasty, both sides and there's a lot of drama I won't bore you with. But I am THANKFUL it ended and they moved on. We feel the tension, the hurt, the anger... even if we dunno what it is.

AnErieGuy · Sep 30, 2010

Just tell him, if he loves you, he'll not be OK with it, but he won't judge you for it. Tell him you feel bad too for not being able to do all that HE wants, make it more about him than yourself, we males like to be the center of attention and what not, but don't go overboard like this was entirely brought up by him because then he'll feel bad lol. My GF and I are open and we love it, yeah we get a tad jealous to see another male or female messing with the other, but in a sense is a complement of our taste, it is proof of our love, and when we don't see it, the fact that we tell each other is a sign of our devotion to each other. And, if I were to predict the future, if we got married I think we could live this way in a marriage too. The thing that he might not like is the idea of "Enjoying her/him more" and this is just a misconception. Sorta. People WILL like certain things others can do more, IE: Your husband can love you better and more as a whole than some new male in your life, yeah? We are not perfect, we can't all have 9inch cocks or C-D cup breasts or model type bodies, it's impossible. We are given what we're given and we use it how we use it and can't change it in most cases. Honestly, if you explain that this is for both of you and not you trying to get away from him, that you're just a bad girl who didn't get what she wanted when she was younger, I think he'll be fine. Until you're decrepit and in a wheelchair, you are young and still exploring your sexuality and sensuality, that's my philosophy.

Hope this helps!

TerribleT · Oct 3, 2010

OP....I re read this whole thing and one thing you said really bothers me.
You said your husband used the words "I don't care".
WTF! Don't care?!
Could you elaborate on this maybe?

Opening Our Marriage

TerribleT

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praefect

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kajmir

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AnErieGuy

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TerribleT

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