new and need sum help

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by gmcdrum, Mar 23, 2008.

  1. gmcdrum

    gmcdrum New Member

    eh hello.

    for the first time, my girlfriend told me that she's into this. Im intimidated. Shes into the liking recieving pain. After lookin around, i see lots of info, but no kind of.. simple "how to" guide?
    was wonderin if any1 cud help me out? like wat do i do as the pain causer? how can i ensure i dont actually hurt her etc?
  2. Alexia

    Alexia New Member

    You need to talk to her and find out what she likes.

    Communication is key here!

    But you could try a good old fashioned bare bottomed spanking, bare handed and remember to start light, go heavy and gently caress her bottom often. It should take some time to do properly, and should do no real damage.
  3. drtraitor

    drtraitor New Member

    i'm kinda like the person who started this thread.

    just kinda got ambushed by my girlfriend, who says she needs to cry in order to get through her life ok (it's a good stress reliever for her?).

    anyway, tried talking to her about it, asking her what it is that she wants to get out of this, and specifically what she wants....

    and that's the problem.

    upon talking to her, she doesn't really know what she wants. she wants to "explore" it. but wtf does that mean? i'm a bit intimidated by this, but willing. just need to know where to start and what to do.

    we started out spanking and that was fun until her roommates started getting concerned (and giving me dirty the sound of hand on ass carried through the walls).

    advice is great. thanks in advance.
  4. Alexia

    Alexia New Member

    Um . . . that could be a problem, sadly, both of you need to figure out what you both need to do to satisfy each other.

    Unfortunately, you also have to explain (some how) things to your roomies or risk a Demestic Violence charge.

    In a similar situation, we told them that we liked to play a bit rough, and no one was actually being hurt.
  5. <3curiosity<3

    <3curiosity<3 New Member

    My boyfriend and I are also brand new to this entire idea, but both working together and trying anything we find. What we decided to do was to google. Just type in BDSM or bondage, and watch a few videos. But talk to her first, make sure its a mutual agreement, because you don't want her to find out you're watching a lot of porn when she didn't know about it.

    When we started out, we would only research together. That way our brains were both focused, we could both look at videos and pictures that interested us, and in the end we would put the computer away and try a little bit of what we'd seen. Only as much as we were comfortable with, and it led to some very amazing nights.

    Ideas to start with, are, as mentioned, spanking. It were we started. Then we tried some light bondage, like handcuffs. And we worked our way up from there, kept trying new things as we found them, and these days we search online seperately for things, then keep lists and bookmarks, and then cross check whenever we think of it.

    About once a week or so we will lay in bed, turn on the tv (and turn it up, because we live with his parents, lol) and talk about everything. And then try whatever we come up with. I know that living with others can ber very annoying, so if neccessary, just turn the tv up and say it was a show on there. I am SO ready to have my own place, but in the meantime, I find it a little exciting and dangerous to do these things in the same house as others, like we could be caught....... lol.

    Have fun, be honest and open, and don't be afraid to experiment!
  6. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    to everyone on this thread I would suggest reading the following book should be mandatory-
    "Screw the roses send me the thorns"

    it available new and used and is a terrific and complete introduction to BDSM.
    done with humor, stories for those who are brand new.
    It covers all that you need to know to get started ,play safe ,safely explore and what to do for the usual problems that arise.
    It also covers the major kink groups discusses them briefly so you can see if it's something you might want to try.
    and it can not be said enough.. communicate,communicate,communicate!
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I second Ezra's recommendation (although I haven't read that one specifically, I've heard of it). Keep reading, both books and websites. This will give you more information about what you're doing, ideas for things to try, safety advice, and a language to help you sort things out and discuss it with each other and others.

    In particular, let me emphasize safety. When you start exploring pain play, there are lots of ways you might accidentally hurt each other. If you just watch some porn videos, you may not realize the safety precautions that are being taken. So before you explore a particular activity, look for some safety tips. Spanking is pretty safe (so far as I know), but once you graduate up to using an implement like a paddle or a flogger, learn the safety basics--never strike the lower back or the base of the spine, never strike the major joints, never strike the hands and feet, never use an implement to strike above the shoulders, be extremely careful on the abdomen. Someone more experienced on this site probably has other tips.

    John and Libby Warren's _The Loving Dominant_ has several good chapters of how to instructions for all the major types of play (bondage, pain, humiliation) and includes both examples, a few instructional drawings, and safety guidelines. I really recommend it.
  8. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

    Ack, sebastain you had to bring up "the loving dominant" book didn't you? I gave it to my old master and was never allowed to see it again -.- I kinda want it back -is gonna pester her for it-
    Anywho, I agree that spanking is a good start out, since that's how Master normally punishes me lightly or pain conditions me (I want to be able to handle more pain so I get on all fours and he'll just spank me, each blow getting harder, and when I can't handle anymore I drop my elbows so he knows I hit my limit)
    Scratching and biting are also pretty common, but, again, safety is key here.
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Kitten, do you have an objection to the Loving Dominant? I really found it quite helpful from a number of standpoints. Or is it that your dom just found it _too_ useful?
  10. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

    No objection to it. She just thought that since I was the slave she didn't want me knowing what might come, so she kinda kept the book to herself. I only really skimmed through it, but I really do want to read the whole thing eventually. I'm actually surprised that I'm not the only one here who's heard of it ^^;

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