New to bdsm need some help

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by NewMan777, Mar 3, 2013.

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Poll closed Mar 4, 2013.
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  1. NewMan777

    NewMan777 New Member

    I'm new to bdsm, don't know to much but so far I'm in love! My girlfriend doesn't know much about sex but she is very open and I talked to her about bdsm cause it interested me. We got some fuzzy handcuffs, some tape to tie each other up and a blind fold. She tried tying me up but was very shy and didn't know what to do so I could tell I need to be the dominant one. She loved being tied up and played with and fucked but when I tried to do more like spank her she said it hurt and then we tried anal play and she said it hurt and didn't want to do it anymore :/ I tried small and everything but once she saw that I really liked bdsm she said she's down to give it another shot. So my question is do you have any advice on pretty much everything? where to start, how fast to move, how can I change her mind and make her more comfortable? Cuase she's new to sex and all I know she likes it when I tie her up and make her cum so I want to keep going with this play but I'm afraid whatever I do next will scare her. Any suggestions would help also any toys or anything you would recomend for this situation would be awesome. Thanks!
     
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  2. Step 1 is read the FAQ. Lots of good advice in there.

    A few golden rules:

    • Take it slowly
    • Always be aware of the other person's limits
    • Definitely think about exploring roleplay - if your girlfriend is shy then maybe try going to amateur acting classes together - you'll have fun and it will help with the roleplay
    • Always communicate...find out what each of you likes/dislikes. Draw up a picture of where the things you both like intersect, and base your games on those.
    • There will always be things that are "hard limits" for each of you. A common example is scat - which for me is totally gross. You MUST respect those limits.
    • You will both accept new ideas more readily if you are turned on when you talk about them for the first time
    • Don't forget to have "normal", "non-kinky" sex most of the time, and keep your BDSM play as a "treat" at first. If you both like it you can escalate - but also don't forget to be romantic.
    • Remind your girlfriend that the more you get involved in each other's fantasies, the more committed you become to each other, and the more special the other person becomes in the relationship. Ask her this..."if you're ever worried about me being unfaithful - don't be. What are the odds of me ever finding another girl who satisfies all of my wildest dreams like you do?"
    • Tell her that you want to be special for her in the same way.

    Most of all - be safe, and enjoy yourselves.

    Cheers,
    Stanley
     
  3. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Answering really quick because I'm sick-

    I don't understand how you added a poll unintentionally and couldn't cancel it, but I closed it for you.

    Like Stanley said, the Newcomer's FAQ is incredibly useful

    If you're worried something will bother her, talk about it instead of wagering. Even if you're not worried about something, talk to her first.

    Not everyone likes pain play or anal. There are a LOT of kinds of BDSM you can do without them- sensation play, roleplay of many kinds, bondage, having her act out commands, etc. If you browse older threads and the FAQ you should find many ideas.

    Be careful with the cheap handdcuffs and don't play too rough with them. The can break and that could put her in danger or just be a huge annoyance. They could also slip and tighten.

    Sebastian'll probably have a better answer for you.
     
  4. PunishKatt

    PunishKatt New Member

    Bondage, Domination, Sadomasochism, Fetishism, Transsexual or any other sexual paraphernalia noted or otherwise are just words. People TRY to use these terms when their sexual desire extends beyond "PP in the Who-Who" love making. BDSM is just the blanket term for; tie me, beat me, and call me names while I lick pepper off your toes....


    I'm not being a smart-ass, just really driving home a huge point that tends to confuse and scare new people??.... For a couple new to FUN SEX the best advice I can give is; don't try and use Internet terms to define your desires, instead work to customize a lifestyle you both enjoy. BDSM is different for each person every time. Start out flexible because an "all or nothing" attitude is an impossible disaster.


    If you like to swing, then swing. Despite the "S" BDSM doesn't have to hurt, whips and chains are recommended but not mandatory. Are you the Dom or the Sub? Remember the Submissive should shift and change to fit what the Dom wants. Today, rough sex pleasure pet, tomorrow a bowling partner ect.... At the same time the Dom is responsible to guide, correct and mold the Sub into the perfect partner.


    FINALLY, I have a advice that should help you both get started. Here is a great "entry level" way to build trust and establish your roles. You stay clothed but get her naked and comfy in a dark quite room. Have her play with herself until she cums no matter how long it takes. Her other job is to have her "fantasy" out-loud so you can listen. Pay attention, listen to her rhythm and breath as she talks, spur her along a little bit but don't interrupt and don't touch! Make sure she cums nice and hard for you. Sexual pleasure is like 70% mental, so find out what's happening in her brain when she's getting off. To hell with embarrassment, cut to the chase and get inside her fantasy's. ABOVE EVERYTHING MAKE HER/LET HER BE HONEST, DO NOT JUDGE ANYTHING SHE SAYS OR IT'S OVER , let her know the more she spills the harder you can make her cum!! Then use what she says as a reference and work from there, as you take control.


    Long post sorry, but I truly hope it helped. Good Luck!!
     
  5. meena71

    meena71 Active Member

    If you don't love BDSM, don't even think about it.
     
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