need some help and advice please

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by elijahfan, Nov 20, 2012.

  1. elijahfan

    elijahfan New Member

    my b/f is very in to bdsm we have a box full of toys and i have really tried but alot of the time he has said i seem fake and it kinda take away from it

    thing is we have loads of toys but most of the time i havent a clue what else to do im not into it but am happy to go with it i have enjoyed it on some ocasions but when i think ive done a good job im told something isnt right

    any tips at all im just not sure how to start he says he wants me to just take contorl but it anoys me when he fights it or moans i am not the sort who like to force him to do stuff but he wants me to soo anything to help my mind set or ideas on how to start it all off etc i am very stuck as with out this there seems to be little or no intermacy (i persnally dont find any intermacy in this at all but he doesnt enjoy sex so when we do i feel bad as i know he just does it to make me happy )
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  2. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

    First, I would suggest you read the FAQ post. It has a lot of detailed explanations regarding the nature of bdsm.

    What it sounds like is your boyfriend is a submissive and wants you to dominate him. Before you can do anything you have to have an understanding of you and your partners' roles in the relationship.

    Find out the answers to these questions:

    What is a sub(submissive)?
    What is dom(dominant)?
    Am I a sub/dom?
    Is my partner a sub/dom?
    Am I really into bdsm?
    Is this something I want to do?

    You might just not be a dom. If you want to be then you should find out more about what a dom is. What they do, what their responsibilities are, etc.

    I disagree. From what I've read bdsm is probably even more intimate than vanilla sex.

    For a bdsm relationship to work, there needs to be trust. Your sub needs to trust you enough to give over control, but also they need to trust you enough to talk to you about their needs and desires. Both sub and dom need to be honest about what turns them on and what turns them off.

    A submissive relinquishes power for many reasons, some are general and some are personal and unique to them. However for the most part subs want to please their doms. Also, doms want to please their subs. Taking and giving pleasure when we see fit turns a dom on. (the idea of it sure as hell gets me hard).

    I don't have practical experience in bdsm, but I've spent time studying it. I definitely have more to learn but as far as attitude goes this is what I've come up with for myself at least:

    I'm a dom. This is sub is mine. They will follow my will because they have chosen to be mine. Mine to do with as I please. I have the control and power. Power to give and take pleasure from them, to bind them, to humiliate them, to give them pain. This power is mine to wield and my sub trusts me to wield it responsibly with their safety and well being in mind.

    As far as specifics go for in the bedroom. You could try orgasm denial? Have him sit in a chair or lay on the bed, order him not to move. Then proceed to work him towards a state of orgasm(your choice how). When he gets close, slow down or stop all together. Maybe even give him a taste of pain, squeeze his nipples or roughly handle his ballsack. When hes calmed down begin again. If he moves and disobeys your order to remain still, punish him. Again, you pick how, maybe squeeze his balls or nipples a bit harder or give him a good slap or pinch somewhere on the thigh. Something he won't like and then order him again to remain still.

    When he starts to go out of his mind with the need to cum, have him beg you.

    The idea is control. Bdsm has a large mental component. Hes a sub, he needs to feel that you're in control that hes not telling you how to dominate him.

    Of course if he obeys you you'll have to reward him in the end. IF hes a good boy maybe you'll let him play with your pussy or choose how he is to fuck you.
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2012
  3. elijahfan

    elijahfan New Member

    thanks for your advice its hlped alot i threw myself into the dominate roll and literaly knocked his socks off :) we had a chat about it and we are alot more happy well i am he allways was lol i dont worry anymore it has fallen into place good old fashion talking and me taking control

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